* Pretend to have ADHD - This is a good one to
start with. Basically, whenever she starts talking to you, listen
to her for a few seconds and then just let your mind wander. Start
watching TV, look out the window, or just go back to what you were
doing before she started talking. When she notices, pretend like
you didnt even realize she was talking. This one really works well
if she is trying to talk to you about something she thinks is
important. This really has a lot of room for improvisation on your
part.
* Get caught checking out other women - She knows
you do it, but she doesnt want to see you do it. It works really
well if you can get caught checking out one of her friends or
sisters.
* Leave the seat up - I dont know how women got
authority over the toilet seat, but dont question it. Just accept
it and use it to your benefit. If you really want to piss her off,
leave the seat down even when you pee. Nothing pisses a wife off
like sitting on a pee-covered toilet seat.
* PMS - Whenever your wife is grouchy or tired ask
her if it is that time of the month. This works even if she really
has PMS. If she already has PMS, pointing it out to her will just
make her grouchier.
* Use your kids (infants) - The birth of a child
brings many opportunites to piss off your wife. To start with,
refuse to help with it at night. She will already be exhausted from
caring for the newborn and claiming that you need your sleep will
probably cause her to become homicidal. It isnt particularly
clever but it gets consistent results. If your child is breastfed,
teach it to walk up to your wife and moo at her. She already feels
like cow and shell know it was you that is responsible.
* Use your kids (toddlers and young children) - As
your kids get older more opportunities arise. Do simple things like
tell them that Mommy has candy when she doesnt or that she
promised to take them to the park when she already has definite
plans for the day. Or just allow them access to her stuff and let
them do the work. Toddlers can be very creative. Try to teach your
kids to cuss. To me, nothing is cuter than when a 2 year old lets
out a stream of fucks. To your wife, it is probably less cute. If
nothing else get the kids to cuss in front of Mom and her parents -
instant pissiness.
* Be frivolous with money - But not by spending it
on her. Its all got to be spent on your interests. Whatever floats
your boat: video games, car modifications, restaurants, movies.
Just remember not to spend it on anything she will like. This one
takes some time, but it sure is fun.
* Embarrass her - This is another open ended one.
Find out what embarrasses her and do it in public. Personally, I
like to grab my wifes butt as we walk trough a store. If it is
some place with lots of children present, Ive found this works
especially well. But really this one has to be tailored to your
individual wife.
* Make her late - No matter where you are going or
what you are doing, make her be late. The only exceptions apply if
you are going somewhere you really want to go together like to see
Blood Demon 6 or the ballgame. The longer you can wait before
getting ready to go, the more pissed she will be. ex. Supposed to
be at church by 9? Wake up before her and turn off the alarm.
* Anti-Feminism - Just act as anti-feminist as you
can. Come home from work and tell her to get you a beer. Refuse to
help with womens work. Tell her she only belongs in two places:
the kitchen and on her knees. Im sure you can come up with more.
This is more of a reactive thing to do than a proactive thing. You
have to be ready to shoot down any idea of hers as stupid women
thinking. It really doesnt matter if she knows you dont mean it.
Either way, she will be hearing the echo of every man who ever told
a women she couldnt do something. For some reason this makes them
mad.
* Bonus tip - make a list of all the things you do
to piss her off and post it on your website.
