Some believe that being submissive means to simply obey and to
deny personal feelings, desires, expectations, and dreams. They
think a wife is not submissive if she shares her opinions with her
husband.
Worse, countless women have been sent back to their homes and told
to submit to abusive husbands in some cases without anyone ever
speaking to him about how he treats her. Some even believe that
wives who are abused cause the abuse by their lack of
submission.
This false concept of submission is often used to manipulate and
control women. It advocates quiet obedience and subservience, and
denies a womans irreplaceable value in her marital relationship.
It also ignores the potential for a man to be heavy-handed and
unloving in his attempt to be the "ruler" of his home.
Unfortunately, some Christian leaders have contributed to this
false concept of submission by overlooking the husbands obligation
to love his wife. This is an extreme misrepresentation of Pauls
intent in Ephesians 5:22-30 .
Others have accused the apostle Paul of being a male chauvinist,
one who didnt respect women or see their value. If we consider
what Paul wrote within his culture, however, we see that Paul had a
high view of men and women. He understood how they can best work
together in marriage to reflect Christs love for us.
In a day when men married for money, Paul strongly stated that
husbands were obligated to love their wives (see also Colossians
3:19 ). Pauls words to husbands were revolutionary in Greco-Roman
society. Most men married not for love but for financial gain.
Marriages were usually arranged, and the father of the bride
provided a dowry a portion of money, clothes, jewelry, and
possibly slaves.
Pauls instructions for marriage were a breath of fresh air. His
thoughts were not those of a man who degraded women and wanted to
"keep them in their place." Quite the opposite he elevated women
to a place where they are to be loved as Christ loves the church.
That is pretty radical thinking!
It is significant that Paul compared a husband and a wife to Christ
and the church. He regarded marriage so highly that it is used as
an analogy of Christ and His relationship to the church. If the
husband is the head of the wife in the same way that Christ is the
head of the church, we can safely draw conclusions from the
comparison of Christs relationship to His bride, the church.
Christ loves His bride and is her Savior. Christ gave His life for
her. Likewise, the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves His
church. A husbands love should be sacrificial, nourishing,
cherishing, and protective. A man should love his wife in the same
way he loves his own body ( Ephesians 5:25,28 ).
The same level of devotion as required of the husband to love is
required of the wife to submit ( Ephesians 5:22 ). Before looking
at submission unique to a wife, though, we need to remember that
Paul advocates mutual submission between believers ( Ephesians 5:21
). No one is to demand or force another to yield; submission is
voluntary. The Bible doesnt say that its a husbands
responsibility to see to it that his wife submits to him.
A wifes submission to her husband is in response to her love and
devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble
and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant.
Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not
enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband,
not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love
( 1 Peter 3:6 ).
Scripture does not define submission as mindless obedience to a
husbands every wish or demand. Nor is it avoiding an argument at
all cost. Instead, submission is a deep commitment to a person. It
is choosing to work with ones mate in a way that promotes oneness.
A married couple becomes one flesh and must work as a team (
Genesis 2:26 ). Constant fighting and arguing works against a
couple trying to become unified.
To illustrate, a team player must submit to the guidance of his
coach. A good coach guides the team in strategy and utilizes the
strengths of the players for the success of the team. A gifted
player may debate a point with his coach, but there comes a point
when, if they continue to disagree, the player must submit to his
coach. Likewise, the wife, at times, must put aside her
disagreements and follow the lead of her husband, whom God has
placed in her life as the head. (Sometimes, it is not in the best
interest of either the wife or the husband to submit, as in the
case of abuse.)
Marriage, according to Gods design, is a relationship that returns
love for love, service for service. Husbands and wives love and
sacrifice for one another differently. Husbands love their wives by
protecting, cherishing, and serving them. Wives submit to their
husbands out of respect and love. Both the husband and the wife are
given vast opportunities to show Christs love to one another. It
is not always easy, but marriages can best reflect Gods redemptive
work in our lives by following the principles of Christlike love
and submission.
