Hi guys,
I decided to post this topic as i found myself struggling
tremendously in my walk with God recently, or rather for the past
three months. I got back to Christ in the beginning of last year.
My reasons for going back were honestly, in search of a better,
more peaceful life for myself. Ever since my Os results, my dream
of remaining in a jc were dashed simply because of my english
language. Even though my overall was ok, good enough to remain in
the bottom few jcs, i was unable to purely because of language.
Anyway, yar, i went to the a local poly and naturally, i found
fault in every single thing, be it my teachers, my course mates or
the school in general. Maybe it was because of the mentality that
one should follow the well trodden path, do well PSLE, do well in
Os, go jc and finally secure a foot in the university. Friends i
had also moved on with their life, often finding myself very
lonely. CCAs involvement in school were virtually none as i found
myself not enjoying anything at all.
Coincidentally i started reading my mum's daily bread and found it
soothing and assuring. I found courage to get back to Christ,
slowly through a Christian ministry club in school and recently
this year, back to my old church, which i have been attending since
young. However lately, i have found myself very agigated with every
single christian around and even anything related to God. I was
like Job, blaming why everything in my life is so downright all
time low. Not that things have gotten any better, but i still
slowly recovering. I have not been attending bible study for a
month now. Also, i find being a christian takes alot, more often
than not, obligatary to do things such as "God's work". I love to
help people whom i feel they should be helped. And for one, i do
not believe in just going to the streets and throw the 4SLs into a
stranger's face when i myself have so many issues about my life,
and here i am proclaiming Christ. I find it so hypocritical. Yes,
Singapore has alot of over zealous christians that put me off right
away. For instance, they often "encourage" one to do "God's work"
and when you really do not feel convicted to, they will throw you a
stupid look like you're not deem to be a child of God. I find it so
tiring. I am not saying i am a damn perfect human being, but i find
christians in Singapore just immature in the way they do things.
Honestly, i am losing my faith in christians as well as the
religion. Sometimes, i question my integrity for going back to
church. Is it for the underlying subconscious reason for the need
of friends? I know some people from church, but i just cannot find
myself opening up to them. I fear the need to be so committed in a
church.
Help?
