Hi, I realise this can be a place to find answers which is why I
decided to register. Hope I can really find some well needed
information here.
I'm a Pes A combat fit soldier that just got posted into my unit
after completion of BMT. Upon getting posted into the unit I
started having very negative thoughts, feelings and tend to tear up
most of the time. I wasn't able to complete certain tasks such as
studying for the equipment we are learning to use in my unit. I was
the only one is my course that failed the test and I feel so
useless. Recently, my condition seemed to worsened as I started to
not have sufficient rest. I would wake up in the middle of the
night and not be able to go back to sleep as easily because I
constantly think about my troubles. It is hard because we had to
train the following day and it just becomes incredibly exhausting.
I just totally could not concentrate whenever we had to learn new
things about the equipment. Before BMT, I had several cases in
which I tried to commit suicide but did not declare that during the
CMPB medical checkup. I just didn't want to be thought of as
"weird" or crazy I guess. Right now in my unit, I just keep to
myself all the time, be it eating my meals or during admin time, I
do not socialise with my course mates at all. However, last week my
PC noticed that I had been like this for a while now so he came and
talk to me and I just revealed to him I have certain personal
issues that are really affecting me but I wasn't comfortable in
telling anyone. He then referred me to se the camp MO and
subsequently was referred to a counsellor who I am going to see
this Monday. The MO also gave me a 1 month status of excusing
staying in (which has not happened because I'm on course) and also
been excused from firearms.
I was quite surprised because the MO said he was going to refer
me to a psychiatrist and I got a call from the counsellor instead.
I am just confused and frustrated on how the counsellor is going to
help me in terms of medical needs, seeing that I am losing sleep
now and may need medication. I had an experience of seeing a
psychiatrist once before and was perscribed some mecidine which I
only took for a while. I understand that I can talk and share my
problems with a counsellor but how is he/she going to help me other
then just sitting there and listening? How will my current
condition be better?
I really thought I was able to forget my problems but they just
kept resurfacing even during BMT and now it is totally getting
worse as the days go by in my unit. I feel as though my course
mates are starting to hate me as I am not united with them. I just
feel so helpless, lonely and feel like throwing everything away and
disappear for good.
I am on the verge of giving up, I can't find anyone that can
help me..