this is just to let you know, you won't be getting PES F ...
that's only for chaps who are about to die ....
it seems to me that you don't want to serve NS, but don't want
it to be a stain on your record either, and spoil your chance of a
goverment job the next time ? ... 
let me put it bluntly for you, since this is the Singapore Armed
Forces forum, not Aunt Agony ... if you can't endure and hold onto
a sedantary 8-5 job in a office, what happens afterwards, when you
go into the uni ? ... or when you come out into society to work ?
...
if your situation is genuine, then the least of your worries
should be whether it'll be a stain on your "record" ! .... go
farking get help first ! ....
if it's otherwise *- censored-* ........
It's not that I don't want to serve. I think it's quite obvious
that I want to serve --I want to be just like any other medically
fit/unfit NSF who serves his 2 years in NS. If I didn't want to
serve I would've declared everything at my first medical checkup,
made a big hullabaloo about it and all. I did not --and still do
not --wish to be 'marked' by the government for my condition, which
is why I decided to just conceal it and serve.
I have no intention of escaping and wanting out; I just wanted
to know the pros and cons of declaring and weigh the choices
against each other. I feel unsafe in army --some sense of
foreboding about the possibility of me doing something to hurt
myself or others in the near future. I just felt that perhaps by
declaring I might create some kind of administrative and emotional
safety net for myself...
Please do not suggest that I will not be able to stand the
pressures of uni / society, because I think that's really
discouraging and demoralising and totally uncalled for especially
when you're speaking to people like me. I appreciate forumers who
try to convince me that perhaps I'm still of some use and that I'm
not as lousy as I think I am, but people like you just fossilize my
not-so-occassional belief that maybe I wasn't meant to be around at
all. You're judging me based on this, and I think that's being
rather unfair... don't you think so?
The thing that is holding me back from declaring is the constant
fear of being permanently marked and hence trapped by some sort of
glass ceiling (or no entry at all) should I decide to join the
civil service. I still live with the hope of permanent recovery
from my illness, and I don't want a momentary declaration to
jeopardise my future if I do recover from this some day... It's
like a judgment that stays with you forever...
I'm really hurt by your posts, and I hope you'll end your
insinuations and stop responding if you don't have that many
constructive comments... still, thanks for your input on this
matter, thanks for taking time to read everything.
Am I right or wrong in saying all these? I don't know for sure.
Perhaps other forumers would like to comment...? A bit lost
now...