1. She and I were chatting on MSN Messenger (while we were at
work), as we had for months, and it occurred to me.
2. No signal, really - the thought occurred to me and it just made
perfect sense.
3. Nothing in particular, but I do keep an eye out for anything
that needs to be done. For example, when she was sick for a week, I
would get her to get some rest and wake her up once I had dinner
ready. I'm not a big believer in sweep-her-off-her-feet expressions
of love, but I do make it a point to include my love for her in
everything I do.
4. That's one that's really for her, rather than me, to
answer.
5. No specific place - we tend to go out and explore new places.
However, we met at salsa classes, so a place that has salsa is
always good.
6. Girlfriend. I've never been one to beat about the bush and my
relatives already know that I'm not accustomed to having my
judgement questioned.
7. We started out as strictly friends and when she was talking
about a past relationship, I realised that she the sort to give
absolutely 100 percent. By that time, I was tired of futzing around
and, watching my parents' example, had already decided that being
100 percent was going to be the clincher.
8.
1) Her integrity
2) Her giving spirit
3) Her gentleness and willingness to give
4) Her intelligence, in particular her willingness to se things
from different perspectives
5) Her sensibility
6) Her beauty, especially when she's asleep
9. When I'm good and ready. Right now things are a bit topsy-turvy
because I've decided to stay in Singapore to sort out some family
matters. After that I'll return to Australia and get properly set
up. In the meantime, there is no question that I will - like I
said, I'm done futzing around.
10. Step back from her? I never even considered considering
that.
The difference between love and like? Like is a lot more
superficial, and as such you don't think as much of the deeper
implications. In my case, I've spent a lot of time going after the
superficial crap - my last girlfriend was a model and a doctorate
student, and she came from an influential family. At the end of the
day, none of it mattered because she could not give the 100 percent
I required and I could not see her being a lifelong partner. I
walked away and I have never regretted it because I have moved on
to better things, although we do remain good friends.
What is love, then? It's hard to define, but the best I can do is
allude to its corollaries. This is the speech I delivered at my
best friend's wedding two months ago, with names edited out:
"Please excuse this speech. I wrote in on the plane on the way back
from Singapore.
My first thought when G told me that would marry V was, "It's about
time". Yet I refrained from actually voicing this thought because
it did not feel entirely correct.
A while ago I mentioned that I had just returned from Singapore.
Those here who know me know that the purpose of my trip was to
attend my mother's funeral. During this trip, I reflected that come
December, my parents would have been married for 37 years.
Given that the longest commitment of my life, my university years,
spanned barely a quarter of that period, the magnitude of my
parents' commitment to each other was mind boggling. What would
make such an undertaking successsful through all of life's
challenges, of which raising me was aruguably the most
daunting?
It would be simple enough to say "Love, of course", but the cynic
in me has always rebelled against such a vague answer. I attempted
to define the qualities required for such a commitment, and here is
are some of the key ingredients I think make up this vague concept
of love.
First, it's about integrity, the tempering of ideals with reality
to ensure that the core values of the marriage are not only
maintained, but indeed nourished, through life's challenges.
It's about faith, the strength of belief that spouses have in each
other, which forms the backbone of the marriage.
It's about insight, the ability to see well beyond the events that
occur daily, and to perceive how these events form the quilt of
experience which is marriage.
It's about courage, facing the vast expanse of the unknown future
with conviction.
It's about respect, not only that of spouses for each other, but of
the institution of marriage, of family and of God, by whose
blessing this marriage has taken place.
It's about a sense of humour - if you can laugh, no challenge is
insurmountable, and it makes the adventure a lot more fun.
I see these elements not only in the example of my own parents, but
in other couples as well, in particular G's parents, Uncle R and
Auntie T. In both cases, these qualities have held them in good
stead for well over thirty years. At the same time, I see it in
younger couples, such as my sister and brother-in-law, and these
same qualities have already seen them through a multitude of events
and challenges over nine years.
I stopped myself from saying "It's about time" to G because I felt
that it was an inaccurate statement to make. It's about integrity,
faith, insight, courage, respect and a sense of humour. These have
seen married couples through decades, and these are qualities that
will see G and V, the latest addition to that list, through the
coming decades.
It's not about time at all - it is timeless."
Hopefully that answers your question.
