>The Male
Rules
>
>We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are
the
>rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...
they
>are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up,
>put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us
>complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to
see if
>we can find the perfect present yet again!
>
>1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the
>tides. Let it be.
>
>1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive
>than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting
married
>is that married women always cut their hair, and by then
you're
>stuck with her.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of
>it that way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints
>do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
work!
>Just say it!
>
>1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on
>the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>
>1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you
think
>we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look
>good with your dress?
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every
>question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it.
>That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
>
>1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
>
>1. Check your oil! Please.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.
> >In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't
>expect us to act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We
>refuse to answer.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
of
>the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want
>it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just
do
>it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
>during commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
we.
>
>1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
two
>months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to
your
>girlfriends.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
>Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also
a
>fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack
of
>mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about
you.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
>act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it
is
>just not worth the hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an
>answer you don't want to hear.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear
>is fine. Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
>prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun
>formation, or monster trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the
quiz
>together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
>1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; yes, I know, I have to sleep
othe
>couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that --
it's
>like camping.
>
>1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
