A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP by Rev. Ronald McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are
married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and
reflect on it. An African proverb states, "Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before
you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust,
desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,
and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what
you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more
obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow
and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every
little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different
expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and
strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have
decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do
you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you
compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the
relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter
him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone
stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life",
you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your
happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not
the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting
relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship
strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household
tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily
exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a
note).
Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow
together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow
without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest.
You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging
and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another.
Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents
regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for
richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the
relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect,
dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the
i.