Arguing can be an emotionally draining experience, so we need to be
careful in how we prepare and engage in argument. This is not so
much a guide on how to win arguments; it is more a guide on when to
argue and how to conduct an argument.
Don’t insist on having the last word.
Focus on getting your argument across effectively and coherently;
when you have adequately explained your position don’t feel a
necessity to keep repeating yourself. There are some people who
will never want to admit defeat; no matter what you say they will
want to keep arguing. There are occasions when you just need to let
people have the last word; having the last word does not mean you
have won the argument.
Silence can be a very powerful Argument
Foolish people will want to pick arguments over inconsequential
things. Great thinkers and innovators are often criticised, only
because people are suspicious of new things. If these pioneers
stopped to argue with all the self styled critics, the evolution of
the world would have been a lot slower. This is the art of knowing
when to argue and when to remain silent. If you have faith in an
idea or vision, don’t stop to have meaningless arguments. Often
great people aren’t appreciated until they are dead; but, truly
great people don’t create a lasting legacy through engaging in
arguments with critics. Alas, this would mean an opportunity for
the opponent appeal to silence
Pick the Right Argument to have
You
could spend all day finding reasons to argue with other people.
But, if we are honest, arguments rarely have much benefit. An
argument should be seen as the last alternative; only argue where
it would compromise some significant principle. If possible try to
find a way to suggest ideas in a non confrontational way. If we
need to challenge someone’s opinion’s there may be better ways of
doing this than a head-on argument.
Remain detached
Arguments can be emotionally draining. This is because we identify
with the argument so much we feel either personal victory or
personal defeat. However, a better strategy is to separate your
self from the argument. If the argument goes badly, no harm. If
people don’t accept your argument, no harm. Also, don’t expect to
change people’s opinions with your arguments; unless a person is
very open minded or undecided they are unlikely to change their
opinion.
You don’t have to Win
This
is related to the idea of maintaining silence. It is important to
remember that the point of arguments are not just to glorify your
ego. A good argument is about the interchanging of ideas. If you
maintain an open mind, you can learn from the arguments of others
and moderate your opinions. This is not a sign of weakness, the
whole point of argument is to gain greater insight and evolve your
ideas. The problem is that our ego often becomes attached to an
argument; therefore, it feels reluctant to admit any weakness in
our argument. Therefore, we continue to maintain a false idea out
of pride; this is a mistake.
Have a clear Knowledge of What you are arguing about
This
may sound like stating the obvious; but, from observation of
others, we find to our dismay that many of the most fervent
arguments are often based on here-say and misleading facts. If you
are going to stick your neck out and argue, make sure you know what
you are talking about. Before arguing with others, take the time to
do some primary research; don’t just go on the gossip and rumours
of others.
Stick to Facts – Avoid emotional exaggeration.
A
good argument is one that involves a calm, logical exposition of
the facts. A bad argument will descend into adding personal insults
and appealing to cheap emotional responses. Let the facts speak for
themselves – don’t feel the necessity of adding emotional
indignation. Avoid personalising arguments. The personal foibles of
the other person are not relevant to an argument on politics /
work.
