I would say its a sincere poem.
What i noticed is that, you tried rhyming, but gave up halfway
through, right?
Maybe you can use different stanzas to mark different situations,
feelings or happenings in the poem..
I would also encourage use of punctuation marks, it would allow
readers have a clearer understand of what you are writing.
Try brushing up on techniques to make your poetry stand out.
I can understand what you want to bring across, but it does not
really bring imagery in my mind. That would be one very important
aspect, in the creation of any art form.
I am not a professional critic, just my 2 cents. You would need
other forumites criticize on your piece before any criticism can
become helpful..
My teacher told me this too, "What is not relevant, is not needed."
You can try making things sweet and simple.
