The original poem is not like this; I cant scan it because my
scanner is currently down. If you are interested to view the
original version, please refer to In the Palm of Your Hand: The Poets Portable
Workshop, by Steve Kowit, page 246. 
Emily Dickinson Attends a
Writing Workshop
My Life had stood -- a Loaded Gun --
In Corners -- till a Day
The Owner passed -- identified --
And carried Me away --
Title??
L2 Corners why plural?
L2 change a Day to the day?
Any why all the Caps? ( -- and dashes?)
Why a loaded gun?
L3 identified Had the gun been lost or missing?
I suggest a re-ordering of stanzas that might help clarify by
creating a sense of chronology.
And now We roam in Sovereign Woods --
And now We hunt the Doe --
And every time I speak for Him --
The Mountains straight reply --
L6 Doe & L8 reply - Rhyme scheme breaks down here this
isnt even slant. Stanza 2 suggestion,
"Now we roam throughout the woods,
And now we hunt the deer.
Every time I speak for him,
the mountains turn to hear."
And do I smile, such cordial light
Upon the Valley glow --
It is as a Vesuvian face
Had let its pleasure through --
Consider changing L9 to And do I smile? Such cordial light
L10 should be glows
L11 should be It is as if a
And when at Night -- Our good Day done --
I guard My Master's Head --
'Tis better than the Eider-Duck's
Deep Pillow -- to have shared --
L13, why good?
L16, why? Why dont you share a pillow?
Consider ending this poem here.
Exchange places with the stanza below.
To foe of His -- I'm deadly foe --
None stir the second time --
On whom I lay a Yellow Eye --
Or an emphatic Thumb --
Neat images!
Though I than He -- may longer live
He longer must -- than I --
For I have but the power to kill,
Without -- the power to die --
Omit this stanza, too confusing.
Emily Nice language here, but I end this poem feeling confused.
We need to SEE the speakers Master. Who is he? Why does He own
the speaker? Why is her life like a loaded gun? You seem to be
alluding to some anger yet the cause is never explored or revealed
to the reader. Is there another poem behind this one that still
needs to be written? Id like to see you bring this through
workshop again. And do watch the repetition of And.
Jayne Relaford Brown
Ouch! 