My first poem!

QNH1010 SG

Please rate... and don't laugh please Embarassed

As I fall deeper into the mist,
I find shadows everywhere,
Life as I had known them there,
Were like the afternoon air

Though I may be reminiscing again,
I know what was there, was there,
Turning the wheels of time,
Was never worth the dime

Bluesky_Liz SG

Poems cannot be rated like movies. They are more precious than that. Cool Welcome to the forum.

I am curious: why is "life there" like "afternoon air"?

polarsnake SG

sorry... error... Mr. Green

QNH1010 SG

Life had gone by and all that's left are the memories. The 'afternoon air' is contrasted with the 'mist' from the first line.. One is past, one is present. Also, the 'mist' represents the things that I have done in the past and as ya'all know, the afternoon clears up the mist. So when i say that life as i had known was like the afternoon air, I am emphasizing that it's all gone..

I hope it makes sense Embarassed

SingaporeMacross SG

Originally posted by QNH1010:
[b

Though I may be reminiscing again,
I know what was there, was there,
Turning the wheels of time,
Was never worth the dime

[/b]

Does it mean that you don't want to see history repeating?

norm SG

my 1st poem :

IR here
IR there
IR everywhere!

Sand here
Sand there
Sand nowhere!

QNH1010 SG

It's rather like... i can't change some things. Like I have already seen the ugly side of many people I know. So what for go back to the past? You can't change them..

DeadPoet SG

Welcome to MPC QNH1010!

Dont worry we usually dont laugh at others' poems unless they are supposed to be funny in the first place.

This is an interesting no regret/ no turning back poem. But the fact that you need to explain to your readers you are contrasting afternoon air with mist and what they meant shows that there are rooms for improvement.

Maybe you can try showing us how you feel via an event or an image instead. Just my opinion. Very Happy

tare SG

poem is too vague... w/o your explaination i seriously dunnoe wat u r talking abt...

then again maybe cos my brain is on leave today Laughing

DeadPoet SG

Come back! Come back!

*running after tare's brain* Twisted Evil