theres a neat little creative arts camp called CAP. i just came
back from it.
i miss it already. so.
~ - ~
Back, to the cold
air-con room, and hot showers
Leaving behind a million lessons
in (soulheartmindlife) creative arts, over a week-long camp
and Us
Saying goodbye cheerily, and forgetting-
accidentally-on-purpose
to take down all your emails
in a bid to not hold on
too tightly to good memories
fated to fade
in time, with time
It hurts less, I know, this sad
way
of looking at things
or life
In this world of overmuch relationships and lost
faces and names
within the tidal wave of MSN and email
Ironic (literary tool, we learned together
how to exploit it, and us, and technology)
that all that is left of us is
an exchanged piece of adolescent prose and a
T-shirt
We Are One (such a
cliché
Didnt we learn to avoid
them? but it was the soul of
Us) I...
...t proudly proclaim
s
Unremembering
Too early mornings and too late
nights, spent on creative tasks
And so we spread our myriad lives
and hearts and souls
like peanut butter and
sweet-and-sour
jam, onto canvas
Our food for thought
before breakfast
Our laughter spilled onto paper
from borrowed pens and shared experiences
Within those five short days
and Endless Moments
(Past tense
expected,
like v knowingly sucking on a
lemon
the taste of
losing touch on purpose
So We are reduced from carefree laughter
and understanding
and frie---
---d rice and cheery soulsharing for lunch
To an odd sickness within me
in the vicinity of my stomach (perhaps it was the sorry
excuses
for food that we had, or something else)
or a little bit higher
Like a photograph under too little light
We fade
Blurring into the background of Life Goes On
And I won't remember Us much at all, only with
every word I say
~ - ~
please critique
EDIT:
points to comments* it's alright. constructive critiscim is good.
but i guess i better explain my reasoning for each one of these,
huh?
ok. first. line breaks. there is usually meaning behind them. like
the first line; back to the cold/ air-con.... this one should be
obvious. cold, as opposed to the warmth, of friendship, back at
camp. or another; and frie---/
---d rice and cheery soulsharing for lunch. the first bit is
supposed to remind you of the word friend, or friendship. then it
should be as though the poet denies it, and makes it more shallow.
Or 'but it was the soul of/Us) I.../...t proudly proclaim/s'.
Again, shallow-fication (pardon the imaginary word). the speaker
thinks 'I', changes it in afterthought to 'it'. so 'Us) I proudly
proclaim' becomes 'Us) It proudly proclaims' through the speaker's
denial.
actually, i should probably be talking about what this poem is
about first. it should be about trying to ignore the existance of
friendships made during the camp, after the camp, so that one
doesnt feel pain when said friendships are lost eventually. so it's
a little on denial, i suppose.
back to the complaints. punctuation? i don't quite get what you
mean. could you elaborate?
capitalisation. I capitalise not at the beginning of every line,
but every line of thought. As for the 'We' and 'Us', and 'Endless
Moments'. It is meant to make it special, it means something more
to the speaker, instead of just a 'we' and 'us'. but perhaps you do
have a point here.
ok, i agree to the 'overmuch' point. in hindsight, i have absolutly
no idea why i wrote that.
as for the title. it means that the speaker does remember, the
friendships and the joy, and is trying not to in order to feel less
of the pain when friendships are lost after they have deepened.
forgetting seems more voluntary, unremembering less so, thus the
title.
and yes, this is a very experimental way of writing for it, so i do
apologise if i'm terribly unskilled at it.
