I think this works better as prose, or an essay, rather than a
poem.
A number of questions before I dash off for dinner
1. The focus of the piece is off -- if I were you, I'll structure
it (if you really want a poem) in two parts, the first being the
interviewer's questions (from her perspective right from the start,
rather than you putting it in the first person) and the second
being your response to the interview.
2. What's with the capitals? ("Art Gallery" ), and the ellipses?
Seriously, although poetry is much lauded as an experimental form
-- always remember it is also the essence of functional, elegant
language.
And this usually comes with good grammar. (unless
you're cummings, and then I'll go into intertextual and linguistic
analysis with you)
3. Line breaks -- too abrupt. Some of them will be better if
they're combined, such as "gilt framed/ and served"
4. This is just a thought -- since this piece is about art and
interview, why don't you paint a picture of the incident using your
words? Paint it such that I can feel your anxiety, your confidence,
the interviewer's demeanor, the encapsultating tension. Not
so much the pedantic regurgitation of the various art
terms -- right now, they don't illuminate anything at
all.
Unless you link it to your feelings at that point in time (for
instance, chiascuro -- the formless interplay of shadow, light and
depth -- could be used to juxtapose your confidence and nervousness
during the interview).
Something like that -- I'll elaborate more if I have time, or if
you need further clarification.
(my mind's in overdrive).
