Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:
[b]The poem seems to lose focus in the last stanza where the
subject seems to have abruptly changed. Or maybe the poem just
tries to touch on too many things and never really explores any of
them fully.
1) character of the pimp
2) N fighting against temptation
3) ladies waiting for 'customers'
Its about the protagonist, who chanced upon a street, and meets
a pimp, who tried to lure him to a w-h-o-r-e-house (censored word
in this forum again).
So i was trying to develop sequences of the different scenes and
people he meets along the way to his descent.
I gotta go back and see how I'm 'losing' my readers...and re-work
this thing.
Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:
-- It's difficult for me to understand exactly what 'betraying
body' is. How does it betray? Why is it refered to that
way?
Initially, the subject feels a certain disgust towards the pimp
and what he represents. But there is a struggle between the logic
of the mind, and the impulses and desires of the body. The body
wants to experience what the mind knows to be bad.
This was what i wanted to portray.
Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:
-- I feel that Pied Piper reference is not suitable. Usually this
reference is used when people are lured to a single object, not
multiple ones like a group of ladies. Pied Piper lured persons to a
place or thing, not to another person or groups of persons. Just
IMHO.
The image i had in my mind - which perhaps i didnt convey very
well in this poem, was that of the pimp leading men to the
whorehouse, leading them to their immoral doom or end.
Hmm....sounds like i have alot to refine, based on the feedbacks
you guys gave..haha...
Actually i wanted to write about the male motivation to visit a
prostitute. How this compares with the traditional sexual
relationship with a wife or a girlfriend. But as i wrote, the poem
took a different turn. Perhaps i should have stuck to the original
aim, then this wouldnt turn out so awry! Yikes!
