you tore me apart (in the style of e.e. cummings)

peebrain SG

you tore me apart (i tear open my heart)
but i gather the shards, i am never without it
(if you go, i go where you go); and whatever
is left is by me for your leaving, my darling
i want
no love (for you have gone, my church) i fear
no sorrow (for wisely i know you only, my pale)
and it's you are whatever my senses decree
and whatever my thoughts will whisper is you

here is the truest torment that everybody knows
(here is the fount of the fount and the hearth of the hearth
and the fire that burn like ire in the skies; which sinks
lower than a bottomless pit or confederate lie)
and this is the sorrow that's keeping the past apart

you tore me apart (i tear open my heart)

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Again, comments are most welcomed.

DeadPoet SG

Sorry peebrain I am not really into e.e. cummings. But we do have a poet here that are quite fond of him.

dsnake1, any comments? Twisted Evil

dsnake1 SG

peebrain,
don't listen to DP, i'm just trying to be a poet, and yes i read e.e. cummings a bit.

Your poem does have hints of e.e..cummings. I guess I can't comment much but I think that it is pretty well written. Like these :
"i want
no love (for you have gone, my church) i fear
no sorrow (for wisely i know you only, my pale) "
Very Happy

DeadPoet SG

At least you are better than me. I just don't understand e.e. cummings. Laughing

peebrain SG

Thank you Smile

the magic in e.e. cummings's poetry is that it needs to be read aloud. Mere reading won't be enough to capture the nuances (especially since grammar is virtually non-existant) -- only when you read one of his poems (the latter ones, particularly) out loud then will the syntax, or lackof, make sense.

Then all the interesting things, like caesura and enjambement start to come alive -- along with the imagery that is voiced and unsaid.

dsnake1 SG

peebrain, i see you are a fan of e.e. cummings!
you are so spot on with his style of writing. At first look, his poetry seem so disjointed and haphazard, but on further readings, one will appreciate his bold approach to writing. Smile

ShrodingersCat SG

I like it.. hehe mebbe cos I like ee cummings too Smile
what's tt term.. Hmm.. I can't remember but i like the way his
poems flow like thoughts, rather than construction blocks
and i think you got that style nicely in ur poem
the only part which I felt was a bit jarring was the mention of
church, cos the metaphor came out of nowhere

peebrain SG

The church reference is derived from the previous lines -- the idea of picking up the shards, nursing it, carrying it inside --- not unlike that of an ossuary. It also refers to the sanctity of the love that's kept within, and the loss of such a sanctuary is double painful -- by losing that love you've lost the grace of God.

The man who was death SG

I only know e.e cummings has one sexual poem that really fits his name Laughing