Originally posted by delonicdevil:
Just a little piece. Honest comments please.
Observer
Shifting from one picture from another
Of friends playing on the beach
Or sun tanning at a trendy place-which I do not know
Through the lens of the camera - I take these photos
The relationships of people blossoming through fun activities
While I hide my world behind the camera
Observing the changes of life
[b][/b]
Sorry that I took so long to jump onto the bandwagon.
It's a pretty good achievement on your part that you were able to
paint a scenic picture in my mind using no more than just
words;
however (behold the proverbial 'BUT') --
this is definitely not a prose poem, even if it appears
literal.
A prose poem could read like prose with uneven breaks, but a
critique would instantly reveal certain literary elements and
techniques that set it apart from ordinary copy.
I've found some painpoints in your poem:
Persona
From your poem, I gather your persona is a photographer narrating
what he sees from the viewfinder.
Since this is a profession that uses a specific glossary,
try to emulate the lingo that your persona is likely to
adopt.
Eg: "Shifting from one picture from another" --> aside from the
glaring grammatical booboo ("to another"), one way of sharpening
your imagery is to substitute the word "picture" to say,
"frame".
This way, you would have established your persona's purpose and
motivation from the get-go.
Value Words
This is a basic rule in any literary composition: be precise. Adjectives such as "long",
"fun" and "happy" are so over-used that they've ceased to be
meaningful.
If you can, try to search for a word to breathes precision to
elevate the quality your prose.
To better illustrate what I mean, I've taken the liberty to edit
your poem (forgive my temerity! 
)
Shuttling from one frame to the next,
I slip into players playing on the beach,
I slip under lotion while they loll at trendy tanning shacks.
Through the eye of the camera I stop time.
As these passers-by mingle in a lingering high
I hide a world behind the camera,
observing the obscure changes of life.
Notice how I've reduced the prosiac quality of the original into
a more poetic form using techniques such as alliteration,
assonance, allusion, metaphors, onomatopoeia, personification,
reduction and repetition.
If you need an explanation of these techniques, or if you want to
know where exactly these techniques were applied in my recreative
piece, let me know.
