lament,0545

ironoxideman SG

i've seen what little hope i could
in scripture,from the wise,
in all that breathe,in all that thrive
and each time,when i crest
these knolls of shortlived euphory
mounted in hope of the best
my dead weary soul is discarded
at the bottom of bogged despair,a fitful rest
and at each spot of my dismal retirement,
raised in acknowledgement,poetry in testimony of a failed test
ring such words as bitter as weedsap
a nonwithstanding requirement for an everlasting predicament.

DeadPoet SG

Really, this piece got potential. But I am not sure why your write like that with the small i, irregularly punctuation, etc. Notice there isnt any full stop?

Perhaps you are trying to set the tone of the poem and to reflect the grief of the subject. Great job. Very Happy

dsnake1 SG

Hey DP, i write like that too, small letters, no punctuations. Laughing

Agreed with you that this piece have potential, maybe some slight revisions would improve things, the last 3 lines doesn't read too smooth.

ironoxideman SG

thanks for the comments

haha yea,was in a hurry to finish it,couldnt really write anymore

DeadPoet SG

Hmm too prosy.

DeadPoet SG

In a hurry to go to bed? Laughing

ironoxideman SG

nope,no more 'inspiration'