Poetry exercise from Alvin Pang

last SG · 2005-08-19T02:24:34+00:00

I have a few drafts at hand but no poems yet. Need to brush up my English especially my vocabulary. Good luck in your writing.

The man who was death SG

alvin, u gonna just look at DPS? take a look at other forums, like mine Mr. Green link in my siggy

[email protected] SG

actually, er, who's alvin? Embarassed

DeadPoet SG

Click this or this. Very Happy

[email protected] SG

cooor cool. unfortunately im flying back to London tomorrow.

DeadPoet SG

All the best to you. I know you are dying to get back to London.

By the way, if you have the time to spare do participate in the coming Poetry Writing Competition.

Looking forward to read your poems again. Very Happy

[email protected] SG

thanks thanks. curious tho. do u know WHY im dying to get back to London?

DeadPoet SG

Let me see if I can find any clues in your blog. Twisted Evil

[email protected] SG

Wink
lemmie know if u do.

DeadPoet SG

For the fun of it, here goes

Me

Im a black and white television,
A Chinese wok with cracks.
Im a King size bed with Queen size sheet,
A human target with arrows on my back.

Im a magic mirror that refuses to lie,
A road sign that scream Danger!
Im a telephone with numbers all mixed up,
A black coffee without sugar.

I dont wear spotted underwear,
or those with sexy lace.
I was printed very late,
and they had to cut
my mother up.

verbosity SG

Originally posted by DeadPoet:
For the fun of it, here goes

[b]Me

Im a black and white television,
A Chinese wok with cracks.
Im a King size bed with Queen size sheet,
A human target with arrows on my back.

Im a magic mirror that refuses to lie,
A road sign that scream Danger!
Im a telephone with numbers all mixed up,
A black coffee without sugar.

I dont wear spotted underwear,
or those with sexy lace.
I was printed very late,
and they had to cut
my mother up.

[/b]

I like! I think you're not giving yourself credit for a catchy beat and rhythm that 's just beneath the surface tho. For eg. you could rap this :

"I'mma black-n-white TV / Imma Chinese wok with cracks / Imma king sized bed with queen sized sheets / Imma walking human target with big arrows in my back"

"Imma magic mirror baby that refuses girl to lie / Imma road sign screaming danger, Imma cop-car driving by /...."

etc etc.

Sorry, not meaning to be prescriptive, but your draft is really catchy and the images run well - so dig the rhythm!

DeadPoet SG

Heehee. I wanted it to sound catchy. Mr. Green

By the way I am writing another version, but with a more serious tone. Once ready I will post it in my blog. Do drop by to give some comments.

Thanks.

DeadPoet SG

Hello dsnake1, LazerLordz, tare, etc.

Don't want to give it a try? Mr. Green

tare SG

got try lah but not good enuff try to post... Embarassed

The man who was death SG

this so tough, i only come up with one line

as i lay dying dying, on my bed, still as the broken clock.

liddat can call metaphor?

second line is, time is still, why is my bread toasted?

kns right?

KittynMeow SG

here's my feeble attempt... trying to play with alphabets again... kekeke Very Happy

Colorful montages of the MTV,
A mixed wok, a melting pot,
Tossed around on a lumpy bed.

Cracked glass on a gilded mirror,
A dead tone, a silent phone,
Too sharply the steel knife cuts.

Cold coffee sitting on the table,
An orbituary, a death recorded,
Thrown away with old boxers.

dsnake1 SG

very busy, this whole week, working my ass off in the office.
see the time i post? just got back home.
will be trying Mr. Green

tare SG

okie lah.... brain not working in words recently..... so here's wat my ultra-feeble attempt Razz

It can't be switch on like a tv box,
Tho' it gets hot like a frying wok,
Two can't fit onto a single bed,
It is fragile like a mirror frame.

Connect like a phone regardless of zone,
But your razor sharp words cut me to my bone,
Like a cup of coffee spilled over the table,
This love is dumped like a panty made of paper.

Mr. Green

KittynMeow SG

what happened to the newspaper??

tare SG

i no read newspaper mah..... Embarassed

KittynMeow SG

hahahahaha Laughing

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