LazerLordz SG Untitled Sorrow Will you open your eyes and see me once again? You and I happy in the sun but who'd known we would part under the stormy sea. The waters rise around you, slick and weary pulling you away and cutting me up like a bad case of Prozac deficiency. Even as the sun still shines people around me turn to fish out of water. Flopping. Faint heartbeats and a colourful bikini lies washed up on its own. The plank I cling on leads me back to the beach of wine and lobsters the crisp white tablecloth and the smiling kids gambolling around the palms. The sky is blue and all I can think of is you and what you softly mumbled as you sank, down into Poseidon's depths I'll see you around
DeadPoet SG Untitled Sorrow Will you open your eyes and see me once again? You and I happy in the sun but who'd known we would part under the stormy sea. Within the same stanza and without warning the scene changes from happy under in the sun (line 4) to part under the stormy sea(line 6). Just like in reality, life is so unpredictable. The waters rise around you, slick and weary pulling you away and cutting me up like a bad case of Prozac deficiency. I like the break of the first line at the word rise. It forces you to pause and visualize the image of rising water. The effect will not be presence if it is written as The waters rise around you The phrase cutting me up can be interpreted as both physically and emotionally. Even as the sun still shines people around me turn to fish out of water. Flopping. Faint heartbeats and a colourful bikini lies washed up on its own. I like the last three lines in this stanza i.e. and a colourful bikini lies washed up on its own The speaker chooses to show us instead of telling us about the tragedy. It is like a snapshot incorporated with all the emotions. Excellent touch here. The plank I cling on leads me back to the beach of wine and lobsters the crisp white tablecloth and the smiling kids gambolling around the palms. What I am not too sure is this stanza. All those mentioned here such as lobsters, crisp white tablecloth, smiling kids, etc they should be gone right? How come the speaker, clinging on the plank is still able to return to such setting? Maybe what he/she meant by leads me back to is actually referring to his/her memories of those happy moments and not physically return to them. The sky is blue and all I can think of is you and what you softly mumbled as you sank, down into Poseidon's depths I'll see you around Just a suggestion, is it necessary for the last line i.e. I'll see you around? I think down into Poseidons depths will make an excellent ending to this poem. Beside, whatever said between the lovers is best left known only to them thus heightening the sadness of the poem.
LazerLordz SG Thanks guys.Really sad to see the tragic events…125.000 dead as of this morning.I wonder if there actually will be any minute of silence held around the world as people gather to welcome the new year.
