Hee hee I am no senior either.
A very interesting poem. I can see that you have put in much effort
in writing this poem. It is like watching a movie from one sequence
to another. Nicely done.
Keep it up. 
However I do have a few comments. Firstly, first stanza fourth
line, are you trying to say Streams of tears well in his eyes?
Secondly, I find that there are too many He in this poem ( A
total of 10 He I think), maybe you can try to cut it down a bit?
Lastly just wondering, will the poem sounds better in past
tense?
Just my view. 
