Lessons in Management

DeadPoet SG

Lesson #1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: Sure, why not. So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high

Lesson #2

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, signed the turkey, but I havent got the energy.
Well, why dont you nibble on some of my droppings? replied the bull. Theyre packed with nutrients.
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson #3

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, I should be Boss because I control the whole bodys responses and functions.

The feet said, We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.

The hands said, We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. The asshole was furious and went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the sh*t!

Moral of the story:
Any asshole can be a Boss or all bosses are assholes.

DeadPoet SG

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss and morale sagged. Crying or Very sad

Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. So a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.

The consultants finding:

The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent on analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

So as race day neared again the following year, the American teams management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure were as followed, four steering managers, four assistant steering managers and a new performance review system for the one person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation fired the one rower for poor performance and gave the eight managers a bonus each for discovering the problem.

Rolling Eyes

skeujin SG

sounds lyk sg to me...

I-like-flings(m) SG

actually sound like most of the top management lah.. Mr. Green