A couple of days later, Im at home sitting at my desk. I had
just gotten off the phone after calling the first guy and yelling,
Youre a jackass! (Its really easy to call him now since I have
his number on speed dial.) 
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Toyota lying
on my desk and thought Id better call this guy, too. After a
couple rings someone answered the phone and said, Hello.
I said, Is this the man with the black Toyota for sale?
Yes, it is.
Can you tell me where I can see it?
Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. Its a yellow house and the
car is parked right out front.
I said, Whats your name?
My name is James.
Whens a good time to catch you, James?
Im home in the evenings.
Listen James, can I tell you something?
Yes?
James, youre a jackass! And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Jamess number to my speed dialer. For a
while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a
problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after a while, it wasnt
as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious
thought and came up with a solution: 
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. He answered and I yelled
Youre a jackass!, but I didnt hang up.
Jackass #1 said, Are you still there?
I said, Yeah.
He said, Stop calling me, you bastard!
I said, No.
He said, Whats your name?
I said, James.
He said Where do you live?
1802 West 34th street. Its a yellow house and my black Toyota is
parked out front.
Im coming over right now, James. Youd better start saying your
prayers.
Yeah, like Im really scared, Jackass! and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2.
He answered, Hello?
I said, Hello, Jackass!
He said, If I ever find out who you are, I will
.
You will what?
Ill kick your butt!
Well, heres your chance. Im coming over right now Jackass! You
better be ready!
And I hung up. 
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was
at 1802 West 34th street and that I was going to kill my gay lover
as soon as he got home.
Another quick call to the News Channel about the gang war going on
down West 34th street. After that I climbed into my car and headed
over to 34th street to watch the whole day.
Glorious! Watching two jackasses kicking the crap out of each other
in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the
greatest experiences of my life! 
If you should decide to try this out. This moderator will
not be hold responsible for any troubles or lawsuits that resulted
from your action. Thank you.
