ENCOURAGE TEENAGE PREGNANCY
1. Teenagers between the ages of 16 and 20 are actually the ideal
candidates for bearing children because:
a. hormones are at their most powderful during this period. Why let
all those eggs and sperm go to waste?
b. they are comparatively eng and can spare the time. (Especially
undergrads.)
c. And face it: adults in their mid and late twenties are too busy
fighting to establish a career to deal with a baby as well.
d. In all likelihood, your ancestors maybe even your grandparents
did this. You think you too atas for your ancestors, is it? Boh
tua boh suay! Clearly, this is a pro-Asian values policy.
2. We know some people will say, But they must concentrate on
their studies! To which we reply:
a. Ye-es, but teenagers dont study round the clock. We all know
that the other half of their time is spent trying to pak tor, so
this would be a productive way of indulging their existing
interests.
b. Besides, making babies would not take them more than ten minutes
during the right time of each month. That is less time than they
will take surfing pornography sites. They can even do it while
chatting to their friends on their hands free sets, although they
might find it difficult to SMS.
c. Also, at the age of 16-20, the prospective teen parents will
themselves have parents who are roughly between 32 50 years of
age, and are at the a more stable period of their careers, so they
can spare some time. Further, fairly healthy grandparents may also
be around. This means that potentially, the child-rearing burden
can be shared between three generations.
d. Come on! Study what? Under Singapores education system, do 10
year series, can oreddy!
e. And undergrads? Come on!
3. In fact, teens in the through-train programme dont have to do
O levels, so they might as well spend their time usefully. Some
more, theyre supposed to have superior genes, so all the more they
should be made to contribute.
4. By the time teen parents finish tertiary education or enter the
job market, their child would be ready for pre-school or even
primary school, which will free them to concentrate more on their
careers.
5. In fact, this scheme is great for making the best use of
homosexual citizens. At this age, theyll be a bit more confused
and curious, and will be open to heterosexual experimentation. So
their eggs and sperm will not go to waste!
6. Also, we no longer have to worry about teens being exposed to
pornography. Surfing porn websites could actually be considered
life-skills research.
7. Similarly, the age for R(A) movies should be lowered to 16, and
the NC-16 rating done away with altogether. The censors will have
their work halved, and can devote their energies to more important
issues than whether society will collapse because people can see
nipples.
8. Incentives for teens to have kids:
a. Automatic scholarships and bursaries for higher and further
education for teen parents. (Extra for through train
students.)
b. If youre in school or any educational institution when you have
a kid, you get childcare subsidies.
c. Girls are allowed two and a half years of paid maternity leave,
to be taken any time between the ages of 16 and 21 following the
birth of their child. The pay would be similar in scale to that of
full-time national servicemen. In fact, these two and a half years
can be considered girls NS, or MS, for maternity service! This
would also serve to ameliorate the resentment some men feel about
their female counterparts getting the jump on them
career-wise.
d. Boys will have to serve NS during this period. This way they can
avoid feeling guilty about not sharing childcare duties like
changing nappies, etc, because they can take comfort in the thought
that they are also doing important national duties like running to
distant trees, touching them and coming back. To serve as a further
incentive, NSF fathers will be given more bookout leave.
9. Incentives for parents of teen parents:
a. Tax breaks if you have 3 grandchildren before the age of 40.
This is fair, bearing in mind youre helping your kids shoulder the
financial burden of your grandkids.
b. Statutorily-mandated extra month every year for Grandmaternity
and Grandpaternity leave.
10. Naturally, all junior colleges, pre-university centres, ITE
campuses, universities, etc, must be changed to provide the
following:
a. adequate and heavily-subsidized childcare facilities.
b. Cubicles for students to perform their national duties. Fewer
sick bays, more sex bays for when they bay tah han.
c. Compulsory biology and financial management classes.
11. Pre-primary, primary and secondary schools should all switch to
full-day schools to keep students occupied for most of the day,
while their parents can devote more time to work. They should also
include sex education in the curriculum to prepare for the next
generation of teen parents!
12. Shut POSBank down and re-purpose it. Its already duplicating
DBS services, so why not make it the Population Optimisation Sperm
Bank? Pay interest for contributions, and provide insemination
loans!
