The New Paper - 18 Aug 2004
This Catwoman's got no meow at
all
By Jeanmarie Tan
[email protected]
Catwoman
Starring: Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt, Lambert
Wilson
Director: Pitof
Rating: **
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BAD, bad kitty!
Well, we all knew this mangy stray was going to stink. But
meow-ouch! Did it have to be so painful too?
A US$100 million ($172m) hairball coughed up by French filmmaker
Pitof, this latest attempt at comic book franchise-dom is proof
that Hollywood's bad ideas have at least nine lives.
That Catwoman is such a sloppy, schlocky piece of work shouldn't
come as a shock - the negative buzz it's generated in recent months
has been nearly as intense as the marketing blitz surrounding Halle
Berry's leather-clad bod.
Borrowing a template from the superior Spider-Man 2, the first half
of this catatonic retelling of the Catwoman tale - stripped of all
relation to Bob Kane's Batman comics - dwells on the dweebish alter
ego of the title character.
Berry stars as Patience Philips, a mousy graphic designer who works
for a cosmetics empire run by the diabolical husband-and-wife team
of George (Lambert The Merovingian Wilson) and Laurel Hedare
(Sharon Stone, literally living up to her name).
Patience is murdered when she accidentally stumbles upon the
company's dastardly scheme: To sell to vain women anti-ageing
products that are addictive, toxic and definitely not
cruelty-free!
But she receives her mouth-to-mouth rebirth at the paws of an
Egyptian Mau, transforms into a feline fatale, handy with a whip
and more, and goes claw-to-claw with her killers.
And there you have it: A big-budget, high-profile summer movie
where our heroine's only mission is to save the world from killer
skin cream.
What could be more ironic than using one of the faces of Revlon to
do it?
But, seriously, was Pitof making a camp comedy? A comic-book
adventure? A satire about society's obsession with youth and
beauty? A chick flick about female empowerment?
Well, you'll be too busy taking a catnap to care.
Catwoman is a taxing and laughable animal which seldom finds its
rhythm, boasting soulless direction and a screenplay that's like a
worn-out scratching post of superhero cliches.
FAILS ON ALL LEVELS
It just isn't dark, smart or riveting enough to succeed on any
level.
Pitof is mostly known for his work in digital visual effects, but
Catwoman has none of the stylistic flair of Alien Resurrection or
The City Of Lost Children.
Instead, the sets look cheap and clumsily-assembled, and the CGI
sequences are on par with a low-budget video game.
But there's still pussy galore.
Berry gives a performance nearly as exaggerated as the one on Oscar
night, and whoever handed her that dated S&M-inspired catsuit
and a script full of kitty litter-worthy lines should get smacked
on the nose with a rolled newspaper.
Trying hard to imitate a dime-store dominatrix, Berry's vampy
catwalking and baddie-bashing comes across as more silly than
sexy.
The revealing costume flatters Berry - she just lacks conviction in
it, like 'a little girl playing dress up' indeed.
Apart from cleverly ordering a White Russian ('no ice, no vodka,
hold the Kahlua'), watching the superstar hiss at dogs, chow down
sashimi, and rub catnip all over her face is downright
embarrassing.
Looks like Michelle Pfeiffer is still the No 1 cat's meow, who
managed wounded, wicked and slinky all in one PVC-latex
package.
As Catwoman is the star of her own show (no Batman, no Robin, not
even Penguin), nobody else registers - be it the useless
detective/love interest (Benjamin Bratt), eccentric cat lady (Six
Feet Under's Frances Conroy), and even Stone herself, whose basic
instinct is to act ridiculously over-the-top.
Berry has indicated interest in appearing in a sequel, but whoever
lets this cat out of the bag again, prepare yourself for another
roadkill.
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FAST FACTS
MOST of the 60 cats used in the making of Catwoman came from animal
shelters.
In addition, three rare Egyptian Mau show cats were used to play
the omnipotent Midnight, and trainers spent four months preparing
them.
Another cat named Fig Newton lived with Halle Berry for much of the
production and served as her in-house cat movement model.
Berry's catsuit is made of a combination of leather and a brand new
silicone fabric created just for it.
As for the 10 'diamond'-tipped claws, 800 individual crystals
mounted on sterling silver settings were used.
Hawaiian stuntman Nito Larioza acted as Berry's body double in most
of the daring scenes, like the one where Catwoman backflips off a
wall.
He had to shave his whole body, and the visual effects crew had to
enhance his chest and butt during post-production.
Copyright © 2004 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. All rights
reserved.
