Intense emotion can be overwhelming for all of us. And if you're
just opening up to an emotion, it can feel very raw. No matter how
experienced you are with your emotions, we all need help sometimes
to know how to deal with them. Learning to recognize and stay with
our feelings is a valuable experience. We can learn that just
because we feel something, we don't have to act on it. Or that we
can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let the anger
control us. The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release,
bewith, or let go of our feelings, the better we feel about
ourselves. But how do I know what I'm feeling?
If you don't know how you feel or how to get in touch with your
feelings:
1. Identify how you feel:* Sit quietly for a moment; you might want
to close your eyes, and then wait and see what you notice from
inside.* Notice how different areas of your body feel.* Focus on
the areas of tension, breathe, and see if anything comes to your
awareness. You don't have to think about it.* Notice whether any
thoughts, images, feelings, memories, sounds come to you.* If
nothing comes, that's okay. You may still want to continue.* Ask
yourself how you're feeling, and be aware of what comes up.* You
don't have to figure anything out, just be aware.* If nothing comes
to you, that's okay. Sometimes that happens. You may still want to
try again, another time.
2. Acknowledge your feelings:* If you know how you feel, let
yourself know that this is how you are feeling right now, and
that's okay.* You don't have to know where it is coming from.* You
don't even have to know what to name it; you may simply know that
you have a lot of pain in your chest.* Breathe through it.* Let
your feelings just be there.* You don't have to do anything with
them, just accept that this is how you feel.But where do these
feelings come from? They just seemed to come out of the blue.
If you want to understand why you feel a certain way:1. Identify
the source of your feelings:* Know that you are not being "silly"
or "crazy" for feeling how you feel;your feelings are there for a
good reason.* Turn inward, and ask yourself what are these feelings
connected to.* Wait and see what you notice. You might just know.
You might remember something, see an image, hear a sound, notice
tension in a particular area of your body.* Try not to analyze,
interpret or judge what comes to you. Be open to what you notice.*
Go deeper. We may think we already know why we're feeling a certain
way,but sometimes there is more to it than what we think. Being
patient andreceptive helps us to go deeper.* If nothing comes to
you, that's okay, too. It helps to just let yourself feel.What do I
do with these feelings?
2. Express or release your feelings. Even if you don't know why you
are feeling this way, you can still express yourself in the privacy
of your own home.* Focus on how you feel. Open your mouth and let a
sound come from that feeling.* Move with the feeling. You can
dance, stomp around, kick, hit something.* Scream. If you are
worried about the sound, you can scream into a pillow.* Cry. If you
feel like crying, give yourself permission to do this.* Write or
draw from this feeling place. Don't censor yourself, let the
feeling do the writing or drawing.* Say out loud what you need to
say to someone.* Tell someone supportive how you are feeling.It's
too much for me. I can't take it any more. What do I do?
1. Comfort and reassure yourself:* Talk to yourself as you would a
friend. Be gentle and kind.* Reassure yourself with whatever you
need to hear, for example, "I'm okay,I'm safe."* Curl up in a
comfortable chair/bed with a blanket, a warm drink, a goodbook, or
watch a show on T.V.* Do something nice for yourself. Treat
yourself to something special, takea bubble bath, go to a spa, get
a massage.* Talk to a supportive friend. Ask for what you
need.
2. Take a break from your feelings: Sometimes feelings become
overwhelming and you need a break from them. This doesn't mean
denying that they are there, only that you need a break andwill
come back to them later when you are rested. After taking a break,
itis important to come back to your feelings. They may have
changed, and that's okay.
* Create a safe inner place. Let your imagination create an image
ofsomething(s) that represents how you are feeling right now. It
may be concrete or abstract. Take your time, let your imagination
develop this fully. Then imagine a protective bubble around this
image, separating yourself from it. Look at the image. Notice that
it is still there, but separate from you. Your feelings are still
there, but you are not in them right now. You have a choice, you
don't have to be in your feelings right now. Let yourself take the
break that you need. Taking this break will mean that you will be
better able to deal with them later. You may want to imagine
yourself in a safe place-any image that you choose.
* Remember times when you felt good. Let yourself relax and get
comfortable.Breathe gently. Remember a time when you felt good,
loved or calm. It could be something that really happened, or
something that you create, like being near a waterfall. Imagine
being in this situation or with this person, and feel all of those
pleasant feelings. Feel your body shift from what you were feeling,
letting those feelings go. Let yourself feel more relaxed,comforted
or at peace. Stay with this memory or image until you feel really
connected to it.
* Exercise vigorously. This can help you to relax, feel energized,
and generally feel better.* Do something that relaxes you.* Do
something that absorbs your attention fully. This can help you to
shiftout of how you are feeling.* Get a change of scenery. If you
have been at home or in the same room alot, maybe you need to get
out, even if only for a walk around the block. Change your
patterns. If you always go home after work only to feel stuck in
your feelings, maybe you need to do something different-go see a
concert, a movie, or have dinner out, something that makes you feel
good. Doing things to take care of yourself alone may be better
than going home alone.It's not always easy to stay with your
feelings, but it can be rewarding when you do.
