20 Words That Should Exist
1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive
and refold a road map at the same time.
2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to
turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of
drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving
the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting
her(him)self in the eye (or ear).
4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any
more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the
coals.
5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around
picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when
they know the phones are not connected.
6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when
vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a
dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
7. DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department
store by asking, "Do you work here?"
8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy
you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this
will `remove' all the germs.
9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be
seen in the rearview mirror.
10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front
of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in,
follow suit.
11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering
for one armrest in a movie theater.
12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion
that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will
arrive.
13. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be
swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room
until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the
rug.
14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
"open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to
resort to the `illegal' side.
15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb
struggling to come to life.
16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose
sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want
ground pepper.
17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to
undress in front of a household pet.
18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone
number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they
answer.
19. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a
dog presses its nose to it.
20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even
when you're only six inches away.