12 ways to deal with
anger
By Christine Webber,
psychotherapist
With celebrity strops so frequent and
everything from computer games to TV soaps featuring aggression and
shouting, it's easy to think it's all the rage to be in a rage. But
out of control anger is rarely productive, and it can be quite
terrifying for family members or colleagues to witness.
It may also damage your health, because when you get furious,
stress chemicals such as adrenalin and cortisol increase and your
blood pressure rises.
If you know you're often on a short fuse, read on for tips to
help.
Don't argue after
9pm
There is no doubt that arguments
can get out of hand late in the evening - particularly when couples
are tired or a bit boozed. What often happens is something trivial
develops into a major row. If this keeps happening in your house,
agree a curfew on difficult conversations. You will find that any
important issues are better talked about in the daylight hours,
when people are fresh and sober.
Wear an elastic band
around your wrist
Try using a diversionary tactic.
Some people use imagery such as picturing a tranquil lake to reduce
anger levels.
Another technique is to wear an elastic band around your wrist.
When you feel yourself losing control, twang the elastic band hard
against your skin. It will sting and hopefully stop you in your
tracks, buying you a moment or two before you 'explode'.
If you pause, think and take a deep breath, the chances are you can
avoid an outburst.
Be assertive rather than
aggressive
Some people get angry because they
don't assert themselves. They find it hard to speak up or to make
their point, so they tend to keep quiet. But their anger is likely
to simmer until they get to boiling point and they become furious -
and everyone knows it.
If this sounds like you, it will help to learn to speak up for
yourself sooner rather than later. You need to calmly make your
point using the word 'I'. For example: 'I would like you to help me
with the shopping.' Or 'I'd like you to explain what you
need.'
By being assertive, you avoid becoming aggressive later. A good
book to read is Assert Yourself by Gael Lindenfield, price
£6.99.
Get more
leisure
Many people work crazy hours these
days. And many of these individuals seek help from therapists
because they are constantly irritable and angry. Some admit to
smashing keyboards or throwing things round the office. This is not
normal behaviour.
Anger and irritation can be reduced by finding more time for you.
So, try to delegate more and to leave the office earlier. Take a
lunch hour or at least get out of the office for a walk - even if
it's just for 20 minutes. Above all get more sleep.
All work and no play no longer makes Jack dull - these days it
makes him angry, dysfunctional and sometimes mentally or physically
ill.
Take plenty of
exercise
Exercise is an excellent
stress-buster - and if you reduce stress, you reduce irritability
and anger. Everything from a brisk walk to a circuit at the gym or
a game of squash raises the level of endorphins (happy chemicals)
in your brain. Exercise also soaks up stress and enables us to work
off our frustrations.
Have a
laugh
Laughter is a great
antidote to anger - particularly if you can laugh at yourself. It's
almost impossible to stay furious if you find the funny side of the
situation and can let off steam this way.
It can also be helpful to watch some comedy. If you can laugh and
chill out a bit in the evening, you can go to bed feeling upbeat
but tranquil. So, whether your taste is for Alan Carr or Dad's
Army, try to watch your favourite show at least twice a
week.
Drink less
alcohol
Many people with anger
problems find alcohol makes things worse. After a couple of glasses
of wine, they find they simply have to make their point or put
someone right. Often this leads to huge rows or violence. And it's
common for the angry person to feel guilty or ashamed the next
day.
It's not easy to drink sensibly if your friends are getting drunk
all around you. But if you want to stop getting so angry, you might
want to try drinking less or even cutting out alcohol
altogether.
Drink more
water
Various experiments have
been done in schools to see if encouraging pupils to drink more
water might improve concentration and have a calming effect on
behaviour. And in some schools, it's appeared to work. Certainly,
people tend to feel irritated if they are dehydrated.
If you are someone who gets angry easily, but doesn't drink much
liquid, try drinking the recommended eight glasses of water a day.
It's quite possible this will help to stabilise your
moods.
Remember four
letters
When you get into such a
fury you're in danger of doing or saying something you're going to
regret, whisper the letters SGCB to yourself. These stand
for:
When we're furious, we
always move forwards and may well be in danger of hitting someone.
By stepping back and then grabbing hold of something and counting
and breathing, we stop that momentum and gain control of
ourselves.
Eat
regularly
In our rushed lifestyles,
it's common for people to miss breakfast or be too busy for lunch.
But our bodies and minds need regular fuel. If you go too long
without food, you'll become irritable and there is an increased
risk you'll become angry. Try to eat a balanced diet and eat
regularly. You will feel better and calmer if you do
Understand you
have a problem
Everyone gets angry. And
sometimes anger can be a good thing, for example when it motivates
us to do something about social injustice. But if your anger is out
of control and threatening to damage friendships, romance or your
career, you need to take action.
A good book on anger is Overcoming Anger - When Anger Helps and
When it Hurts by Professor Windy Dryden. Dryden uses cognitive
behaviour techniques to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy
anger and demonstrates how angry moods can be changed.
Try an anger
management course
Free anger management
courses are very thin on the ground, but cognitive behaviour
therapy (CBT) is a good treatment for anger because it examines and
challenges negative thoughts and beliefs. You may even get it on
the NHS - your doctor will advise.
You can get private CBT therapy through BABCP, the organisation
that accredits CBT therapists. Alternatively, you can pay for a
commercial anger management course, such as those run by the
British Association of Anger Management.
www.netdoctor.co.uk
