Any good jokes?

last SG · 2004-10-20T14:10:34+00:00

What happens when English is not the 'Mother Tongue' Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. Doctor's office, Rome:...

icyprincess SG

got any good jokes?

post here! help me laugh! kekeke Mr. Green

i.c.y

Kenashi SG

http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=98490

Hope it will cheer u up!!

dibilo SG

once upon a time a man went to market to buy red apples.. when he reach home then he realised that he had bought green apples ..

hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahaha...

Confused hmm not funny hor

huiz SG

i only saw a black crow flying past.... Laughing

jusgal SG

the joke is jus jus dun know how to tell joke....

can i skip this subject???

icyprincess SG

let me post my fave joke Smile

Laughing

i.c.y

the Bear SG

Frantic Man (to locksmith): help help! i need you to unlock my car now.. i left the keys in the car and the spare key in the glove compartment!

Locksmith: relax sir.. i can be there in 2 hours..

Frantic Man: but i need you here now.. it's an emergency!

Locksmith: uhh sir, i can only be there in 2 hours.. what is the emergency?

Frantic Man: i need you here now.. i need you to open the door so that i can let my wife out... it's getting hot in there!

Laughing

icyprincess SG

err why nth comes out??

Hard work doesn't pay off.

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have al lbeen to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Estee SG

very cold!!!!!!!! cold until i start laughing.....

icyprincess SG

Laughing

i.c.y

I_am_PeTe_Parker SG

You are in college right? Chicago wasn't it?

Well here is a college joke.
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
"He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."

icyprincess SG

haha dats funny Mr. Green

thanks for the post hehe...

i.c.y

Kenashi SG

Ah Soh went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Soh's colourful attire
and gold&white highlighted hair, his mind is
screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN!"
Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Ah Soh. So
he told Ah Soh, "If you could form a sentence
using the words that I give you, then maybe I will
give you a chance. The words are
GREEN,PINK,YELLOW,BLUE,WHITE,PURPLE
and BLACK."
Ah Soh thought for a while and said, " I hear the
phone GREEN,GREEN,GREEN, then I go and
PINKup the phone, I say YELLOW....BLUES's
that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number
lah....Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't
call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah."
The manager? Fainted

icyprincess SG

omigod..dat put a grin on my face...
a bit lame but hehe Laughing

i.c.y

huiz SG

Laughing nice one....

Kenashi SG

There was once a couple...The husband is
quite a
dumb person...

Wife : You wanna hav sex?
Husband : But we will hav a child...
Wife : We are married...
Husband : Oh yeah...So,you wanna use
condom?
Wife : But we are married...
Husband : Oh...Rite...

But the husband is too dumb to
understand...So,he went to a shop which sells
condoms...He brought with him $0.50...There
are
3 types of condoms...

1st type : White Condom($0.40)
2nd type : Black Condom($0.50)
3rd type : Glow-In-The-Dark Condom($0.60)

So,the husband decided to buy the Black
Condom which costs $0.50...But,while he was
away,his wife was raped by an Indian
man...So,when he got home,he did sex with his
wife...
After a month or so,they got a son...But 1
problem
is that the son is black like a
charcoal...Well,you
should know whose father it is...It's the Indian
man
who raped the man's wife...

The son was miserable because at school,he
was
always called blackie or charcoal...So,one
day,he
asked his mother...

Son : Mother,why am I so black??? Everyone
at
school calls me blackie and charcoal...

But the wife refused to answer anything...She
only
said to the boy to go and asked the
father...So,while the father was reading his
newspaper,the son asked...

Son :Father,Why am I so black???
Husband :Can you just shut up???!!!

But the son continued to annoy and irritate the
father...At last,the father shouted...

"IF I HAVE SPENT $0.60,YOU WILL BE
GLOWING IN THE DARK~!!!"

icyprincess SG

ohmigod...this just gets lamer and lamer...hahaha

but it is soooo funny!

keke Mr. Green

i.c.y

Nelstar SG

Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girlfriend.

To: Juliet
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1400 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best! Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,
HR Manager

Kenashi SG

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie Wan

Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.

Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's
this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital
from the accident that isnt an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr Sori : Im Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Mr Sori : Im Sori!!

Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice Mr and i dont care, give
me your name!

Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori! Im Sori!! Im SORI!!! you
didnt even give me your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before im Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful
my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the co. He is Noe Buddy.

Mr Sori : Oh im so scared(sarcastically).Look i dont care about ur uncle
he's a nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog and holding an important
position in the company.

Lee Sum Wan : No Avery Buddy just married my aunt.And Avery Buddy doesn't work there.

Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of ur aunt screws everybody and i also know that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!

Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!

Mr. Sori : I dont know which one is ur sis!
Why in gods name u think I do!?
Look i got work to do and if im feeling mischievious i'll broadcast
it on the P.A system saying. "Attention, someone called and said that anyones brother just got involved in an accident.
But not to worry no one got injured and no one was sent to the hospital. But everyone is going to the hospital anyways. The father maybe a
somebody but if u're their uncle, u're a nobody. "how bout that!?

icyprincess SG

haha..i will prolly just go up to him and throw the letter in his face... Twisted Evil

i.c.y