One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while
she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets
get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must
have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to
think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I
think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I
don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
