Unbeknownst to many people, there is a deity greater than God. This
deity, in fact, created God. That is to say, he created ALL of the
Gods. These Gods were created to do the greater deity's bidding,
for the greater deity felt no compulsion to do little things
himself.
That deity is Rey Mysterio. Rey Mysterio is time and and space. Rey
Mysterio is the universe. Rey Mysterio giveth, and Rey Mysterio
taketh away. This is the history of the eternal Rey Mysterio.
If you add up all the Rey Mysterio in the world, your head would
explode becuase YOU COULD NOT COMPREHEND IT!!!!!
In the beginning, there was Rey Mysterio, and only Rey Mysterio.
From nothing, Rey Mysterio brought forth God to handle his light
work. Then, God created the universe, and within the universe,
Earth, all in seven days. Rey Mysterio then spake unto God, "Seven
days and all you have to show for it is one measly universe and a
semi-sentient race? FOOL!" and smote thusly the unworthy God.
Rey Mysterio then created a new God. Throughout history, humans
never once noticed that Rey Mysterio destroyed and created new Gods
quite frequently. In any case, they were pleased when this God gave
them a a giant garden all for them. Also, this God created several
more universes, a multiverse, and an omniverse, though no one is
exactly sure what the multiverse and omniverse are like. Sadly,
these universes didn't get along very well, and started to war
immediately. The inter-universe war lasted for many millions of
years, and God could do nothing to rectify his mistake. Rey
Mysterio, while fully capable of ending the war, decided to sit
idely by and watch, because it was funny.
Anyway, after an incident with a talking snake and an apple tree,
the humans were banished from their garden. God had wanted to give
them another chance, but Rey Mysterio said, "If you don't punish
them, they'll never learn." Then, Rey Mysterio smote God for
second-guessing him. Rey Mysterio then created another new God,
though this one seemed rather more competent than his
predecessors.
Pleased, Rey Mysterio then allowed history to unravel as it would,
all under the watchful eye of his Gods. Rey Mysteriok would only
interfere when one of his Gods screwed up badly. The following is a
history of the divine actions of His Holiness, Rey Mysterio.
Before detailing the actions of Rey Mysterio, it is important to
know the chronological order in which things happened, and the
names of the eras in which they took place. Note that not all of
Rey Mysterio's actions are listed here.
* The Era of Learning - Primitive man learns to wield his
intelligence like a blunt axe.
o Rey Mysterio gives the primitive people fire.
o Rey Mysterio invents the wheel, and, subsequently, the first
automobile.
o Rey Mysterio invents the lightsaber, igniting a bloody war
between primitive tribes.
* The Age of Strife - Primitive man learns to wield his lightsaber
like a blunt axe.
o Rey Mysterio inadvertantly destroys the supercontinent Pangaea,
splitting it apart and seperating the tribes.
o Not intending to stop the war, Rey Mysterio gives the humans
sailing technology.
o Rey Mysterio opens a rift in space-time, allowing the Jedi of a
different universe to step through. The Jedi, with their superior
Force powers, steal the lightsabers of the humans and effectively
end the Age of Strife.
o Rey Mysterio follows back through the rift where he became bored
and creates the wookie race. He returned with his great grandson
Chewbacca after training Darth Vader to become awesome rather then
a cry baby.
* The Epoch of Peace - Primitive man takes a break from killing
stuff.
o Rey Mysterio shows the humans how to build a house. Trading
Spaces becomes a hit TV show.
o Rey Mysterio decides it's a good time for a nap. What could go
wrong?
* The Dark Times - Primitive man is tortured by an evil
entity.
o With Rey Mysterio sleeping, another omnipotent entity rises - the
evil Edge. Edge used his powers for malevolent purposes, causing
pain and suffering among the humans.
o Edge kills an entire colony of Indonesian midgets for no reason.
Rey Mysterio continues to sleep.
o Indiana Jones and the Van Helsing family form an alliance to
protect the world while Rey Mysterio slept but nearly failed.
o Edge accidently sets off Mount Vesuvius while fighting Indiana
Jones for the last ring needed to awaken his master. The smell of
sulfur awoke mighty Rey Mysterio, who was enraged at the sight of
his planet being torn apart.
* The Universal War - Primitive man is caught in the middle of a
war between deities.
o Rey Mysterio and Edge began battling for supremacy. However, both
wield great and indescribable power and fight to a stand-off.
o Rey Mysterio and Edge set rules for a game. The game would
ultimately decide who would rule the multitude of universes created
by Rey Mysterio's Gods. Game of Death
o The Universal war is accurately detailed in the Animorphs series
by K.A. Applegate. Edge is represented by the character called
Crayak, whereas Rey Mysterio is represented by the mighty
Ellimist.
* The Invention Period - Primitive man becomes regular man.
o After winning the Universal War, Rey Mysterio bestowed humans
with greater intelligence, and thus began the Invention
Period.
o Rey Mysterio tought man the power of rock and roll so that he
could be summoned from the depths of the Antartic Sea if he ever
wanted to take a nap again.
o Rey Mysterio gambled Cher into existace. The world would forever
then be destined to be destroyed. When Rey Mysterio sobbered up the
next morning he saw Cher and was comitted to inventing first
underwear, and then pants.
o Rey Mysterio mentions something about the speed of light while
talking to Albert Einstein. The theory of relativity is the
result.
o Rey Mysterio accidentally dropped his model Model T while
painting it. Henry Ford makes millions.
o Rey Mysterio oversees the creation of the first android, later
mentoring it in the art of 619. The android later adopts the name
Yngwie Eric Carlos Johann Sebastian Rey Mysterio Malmsteen and
develops Malm Fu and mastered Guitar in 3 weeks after leaving Rey
Mysterio's Mega Kingdom
* The Contemporary Period - Regular man does... stuff.
o Rey Mysterio creates a band of angels to enforce his will on
Earth.
o Steven spielberg forces Harison Ford to inacuratly depict his
Indiana Jones heritage and leaves out the true source of his power
frm the movies. Rey Mysterio then freed Ford from the vile clutches
of Spielberg.
o Rey Mysteriomakes his presence known to humans for the first
time, to a young man named Alann Mendoza. The Disciples of Rey
Mysterio, the first religious group worshipping Rey Mysterio, comes
about.
o Roman Catholicism forms not long after the Disciples of Rey
Mysterio due to the techings of Rey Mysterio and three of his
greatest disciples, including the late Steve Irwin, and the now
free Harrison Ford and Jesus.
o Rey Mysterio designs Gigantor to hunt down Spielberg and any one
else that dares question the power of He Who Is My
* The age of Destruction- the not too distant future.
