How Thoughts
Of Death Can Be A Key To Happiness
08/08/2016
Karen M. Wyatt, M.D. Huffpost
What if you thought about
death multiple times a day, every day? In Western society you would
probably be labeled as depressed, morbid, pessimistic, or neurotic,
much like a character from a Woody Allen movie. But in the tiny
Himalayan country of Bhutan, which has been
named “the
happiest country on Earth,” people contemplate death
five times a day as part of their Buddhist tradition.
Clearly, thinking about
death doesn’t prevent happiness and it seems, from the example of
the Bhutanese people, that acceptance of death might actually be
helpful in finding peace, meaning and joy in life. Indeed Tibetan
Buddhist teacher Sogyal Rinpoche writes in “The Tibetan Book of
Living and Dying” that regular contemplation of death can lead to a
deep experience of joy as old attachments and negative habits are
released.
But
most of us in the West are terrified of death and avoid addressing
it unless absolutely necessary. Furthermore as many as two thirds
of Americans report that
they are not very happy in their day-to-day lives. Clearly
something is missing for most Americans and it is important to
address this issue since studies have shown that happiness is a key
factor for overall physical health.
Researcher
Laura Kubzansky has
found that characteristics like resilience, positive outlook on
life, and a sense of meaning and purpose all lead to increased
happiness and therefore better health. Interestingly, these are
some of the same traits that Sogyal Rinpoche teaches are enhanced
by accepting the reality of death, along with a reduction in fear
and stress.
So
is there enough reasonable evidence to try a practice of “death
awareness” for greater happiness and better health? If so, here are
some tips for beginning your own daily routine of thinking about
death.
1. Establish a regular time of
day for your practice.
To maintain any new routine it helps to set aside the same time
every day, like first thing in the morning or before going to bed
at night. This regularity will help you remember to do the practice
each day and will ingrain it as a habit more quickly than if you do
it on a random, variable schedule.
2. Stay
relaxed.
Take a few deep breaths before you begin to help you get into a
state of relaxation. We know from neuroscience that
what “fires
together, wires together” so
it is important to couple your thoughts of death with a sense of
physical and emotional calmness rather than fear. Then in the
future whenever you think about death your brain will recall this
calm feeling at the same time. Deep breathing can help you achieve
this because it triggers the relaxation response mentally,
physically and emotionally.
3. Make it a pleasant
experience.
During your routine include some enhancements for your five senses
like peaceful music, a scented candle, flavorful tea, beautiful
art, or a view of nature. In this way you will gradually train your
brain to conjure up pleasant sensual memories along with a state of
calmness when you think about death.
4. Avoid fearful images of
death.
One of the reasons many of us are terrified of death is because we
have witnessed frightening scenes of dying in the past through news
reports, movies, books, or our own life experiences. Start by
visualizing the leaves of a tree in Autumn as they turn brown and
fall to the ground. This peaceful representation of death can be
expanded upon over time to include other images as you become more
comfortable.
5. Focus on the “big
picture.”
Rather than obsess about the details of your own death, which might
create stress and anxiety in the beginning, contemplate the cycle
of life and death that exists in nature and throughout the entire
universe. Remember that even stars and planets die and that all
deaths ultimately bring about new life.
6. Keep a
journal.
After your session of death contemplation it can be helpful to keep
a few notes in a journal. You can process your thoughts and record
your progress as you become more and more comfortable with the idea
of death in general and your own mortality, in
particular.
Since death is inevitable
for each one of us, there is nothing to lose and much to gain from
increased comfort with thoughts of mortality, including becoming
more peaceful and less fearful of life. Imagine how free you would
feel if you could rid yourself of your fear and live each moment to
the fullest. That is one of the promises of a “death awareness”
practice that is most enticing.
If
we can learn to enjoy our fleeting and brief lives just as they are
perhaps we will become less materialistic and more focused on the
deep values of life like love and joy. There is no denying that our
world needs more love and less fear right now so let’s emulate the
Bhutanese people and get comfortable with thoughts of
death.