We may want to do away with a problematic relationship, without
addressing the underlying cause of those problems – in our own mind
and heart. There is a Tibetan saying: "You are angry with the yak,
but you whip the horse." This reminds us how ridiculous it is to
respond only to things that are not the real cause of our
unhappiness. Love and emotional well-being rest within us, not
outside of us. Therefore, in order to develop real love and to have
healthy relationships, there is no way out of it: we need to probe
our own mind and heart.
...
True love can sustain us when we learn to approach it in the right
way. In order for love to be lasting and wholesome, the place to
begin is by seeing the wholesome potential we have within our mind
and heart. We should know both the faults and the good qualities
that lie within us. This means recognizing the capacity for real
love that we have, and facing the attachment and hatred that we may
also have. The capacity for lasting love rests within our heart,
but so do the obstacles to loving well: our self-centered habits,
our attachments, our aversions, and our expectations.
17th Karmapa