Hello:
I tried to post once and it seems to have disappeared, so my
appoloigies if I end up with two very similar theads.
I made an initial post here in August of 2012 and AEN confirmed
that I had an "I AM" experience (http://sgforums.com/forums/1728/topics/457328). I
have continued with a very simple practice of sitting and
experiencing sensations as clearly as I can. I do the same off the
cushion, in my daily life. I switch between this and self
inquiry("Who am I?") practice. These two seem more or less
effective at different times so I just use what seems best at the
time. I meditate twice a day for about 30 miutes each.
At the beginning of May I had a change in how I experience my
daily life. Looking at my initial thread I noticed some advice that
AEN had given me and it seems to fit my current experince:
"hi brian,
your case reminded me of someone in this forum five years ago,
casino_king. he had
similar initial openings. Just told Thusness about it and he just
advised "feel this energy and aliveness in a relaxed way until
total and complete oneness. Work on the view later. Total oneness
means there is no gap between him and this sensation of energetic
aliveness. And understand what exactly led to the
separation"
The sentence describing Total oneness:
"Total
oneness means there is no gap between him and this sensation of
energetic aliveness."
Seems to capture what I am experiencing very well. The feeling,
and awareness, of energetic aliveness is very strong. When this
change occured in early May it was almost like waking up from a
dream. It seems that I had spent my entire life not really awake or
aware of the present moment. I always thought I was, but I seem to
have been mistaken.
Initially this change was very strong, almost to the point of
being over powering. It stunned me that I could have not been aware
of this always present aliveness. It was similar to suddenly
realizing that a punk band is playing really loudly inside your
home, but you never noticed it. I would find myself just sitting
and staring into space and feeling this energy/aliveness and being
amazed.
For the first week it was constantly "on". I was aware of this
aliveness before I opened my eyes in the morning, it was obvious
when I spoke to people, and I felt it as I fell asleep at night. No
break from it, not for a second. But I fell into an old pattern of
trying to manipulate/control and it slipped away for a few days. As
soon as I gave up and let go, the alivenss was again
obvious.
Since then it has changed from a loud punk band to a lovely
string quartet, which I can focus on and enjoy, or let slip into
the background while I go about my daily tasks. It has become
obvious that it is always present however. I may not notice it, but
it's still there.
I'm curious what this may be, just a continuing "I AM"
experience? Or something else altogther? Either way I'll be
continuing with my same practice.
I'd love to hear any comments or questions.
Thanks, and Metta.
Brian