Hi everyone,
There was a profound insight happened 5 motnhs ago. During 7 or
8 days there was just the wonder of this, because life was just
happening. Movements of the body were seen to be just happening on
itself. Thoughts were arising. No Ozean thinking the thoughts.
After 8 days the Belief of a seperate Self doing something made its
appearance again. It always keep on revolving this same belief in
being the doer, who has some kind of control and free will.
The same experiment that keeps on coming back in smilar
ways is the belief:
'I am going to lift up the hand in the air whenever I
want'
It is a thought. Forcing the eyes to close and trying to send
conscious signals is also happening. BUt then, at the end of the
end......boom, I life the hand up in the air, which is an
afterthought. NOw, I can say both thoughts (pre and after) happens
on itself, waiting for the hand to lift up is happening on itself,
closing the eyes and trying to move to hand is
happening..........but..............I am lost there. I am not sure
what I am missing here.
In this way, the same applies with the following thoughts that
appear here.
'I am going to breath slower'
'I am going to think of 5 football players'
'I am going to blink my eyes'
I am going to scratch my hand'
'I am going to stop doing anything'
'I am going to hear sounds from the right side'
Can you see where it ends up with?
MOre seeking!!!!!!
And a stronger identification with the one who is looking for the
doer.
So I am still looking for any doubt or any belief in being the
doer. What can I do?
I also feel an enormous amount of depression and not
understanding this for more than 5 years now since I first heard of
doership.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
