http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.sg/2012/08/tommy-m.html
Thusness and I have found Tommy M.'s writings on the Facebook group
"Useful Talk" to be well written with great clarity of insight and
experience. Tommy is a seasoned practitioner who participates as a
moderator in Daniel Ingram's online community Dharma Overground. He
had recently started a blog with very good and practical advises,
Methods of Awakening
Here is a compilation of some of his postings (not in particular
order):
I realized tonight that I've replied to several posts but never
actually introduced myself, and given that I tend to be a wordy and
annoyingly verbose writer who's style can sometimes present an air
of authority, I figured it'd be useful to say hello and clear a few
thing up in case my replies are taken as anything other than
opinion.
My name's Tommy, I have a practice history of around 15-16 years
in various traditions, methods and techniques ranging from Buddhism
to Magick. I enjoy helping people with their practice if I can, as
well as learning more about my own practice and how to live a
better, happier and more helpful life. It's that simple, I'm no
authority and I don't claim to be an expert in anything; what I say
is based on experience, not on what I've read in a book or online
or heard from someone else, my current practice is (loosely) within
Buddhist models although I tend towards a more freestyle approach.
Basically: if it works, use it.
Yeah, this probably comes off as some egotistical, "look at me"
thing, but it's not the case and is certainly not the intent with
which I post this. I just know that my way of writing can make me
seem like a bit of a prick to some and wanted to point this out
before I continue to post. I hope you all manage to find an end to
suffering, stress, tension, unhappiness or whatever it is that
you're seeking and am happy to be a member of the community with
you all. Peace.
......
Perception could be described as the coming together of sense
consciousness with it's corresponding point of contact and sense
object, i.e. ear-consciousness, hearing and sound = perception of
sound; it becomes apparent through observation that there is no
distinction between the process of hearing and the sound heard, any
division between the two is entirely implied by some thought via
belief or some unquestioned assumption about what reality 'is'. If
this is experienced clearly through direct observation,
attentiveness or mindfulness (done properly) of this
moment-by-moment process of sensate contact - not simply through an
intellectual cognition or initial insight into what it truly means
to experience no sense of a
self/Self/Soul/agent/do-er/center-point/Astral Voodoo Dropkick
Monster/whatever - then the duality breaks down further and another
level of experiencing presents itself, vivid and immediate, just as
it always has been. Yet even though that mode of experiencing is,
in my opinion, far preferable to any other way of living, it seems
possible to go beyond even that! Although by that point, such
distinctions - not just intellectually but experientially, as
actuality presenting itself, just part of this luminous interplay
of sensations - no longer occur and so to even describe it as such
would be misleading. Suffice to say, it's pretty fucking cool.
Please understand that I don't mean that comment about
"intellectual cognition or initial insight...etc" in any derogatory
or insulting sense, I'm just being upfront about what I see and
read here sometimes. It's not as simple as having just "become
liberated" or "awakened" or any of those labels for what is
obviously a worthwhile realization; I've been there too and thought
I was King Shit, how "I Am Everything & Everything Is Me"
and all that bullshit where you think you've finally cracked it,
only to have reality kick you in the ass with a lesson in why it
sucks to have to deal with the push/pull of a continuing, albeit
subtle at first, duality between subject and object. I’m not saying
I’m anything special, an expert, authority or some
super-enlightened teacher or whatever, I’m just a guy who’s been
doing this for a while and found out that this shit goes
waaaaaayyyyyy further than you might think. When I use phrases like
“beyond imagination”, I mean them literally and with total
sincerity; if you’re contented to be where you’re at, so to speak,
that’s absolutely fine and I support that 100%, however my ongoing
experience has convinced me that, although you’ve see that there
never was such a thing as a self, the metaphorical rabbit hole is
deeper than some smart-arsed comment I can’t think of right
now.
......
Inges, I didn't mean to imply that you or anyone else on here
had only experienced an intellectual cognition, I was indicating
that such a level of understanding is quite easy to come upon but
that it's very different, as you know, from experiential
realization.
When I say that "duality breaks down further", I mean that
literally; although you've seen through the illusion of a self,
there is undoubtedly still a subtle, or perhaps not-so-subtle
imputation of a subject/object which is created, at it's most gross
and obvious level, by a lack of clarity with regards to the arising
of emotion/affective feeling. In comparison to how you experienced
the world "before", this current level of clarity and non-dual
awareness seems incredible, but it becomes 'normal' after a while;
those habitual tendencies to reify a subject to the apparent
objects will recur until you’ve eliminated the fundamental
ignorance which leads to their arising. Note too, when I use the
term “ignorance”, I don’t mean it in a insulting way, I’m using it
in the sense it’s used in Buddhism to indicate a lack of insight
into the nature of things.
Continuing to examine and investigate your experience, just as
you have, will continue to reveal more and more layers of belief,
conditioning, volitional formations and unquestioned assumptions
about experience to be dissected and seen for what they are: Mental
fabrications. I know that my suggesting that, somehow, you’re not
“there” yet might seem insulting or arrogant, and perhaps it is,
but I’d ask you to look closer at who or what it is that’s
“insulted by” the suggestion.
“Then you write:
---"Yet it seems possible to go beyond even that! "--
but you don't explain where, what and how. Can you say more
about that?”
To say that it seems “possible to go beyond even that”, is
admittedly inaccurate as it implies that there is any sense of a
“that” or “this” or anything involving location, direction,
dimensionality or space. I’ll describe a brief overview of how
things have progressed for me, experientially, since initially
realizing Anatta:
Seeing through the illusion of self is like opening the door
into wonder, but taking your first tentative steps into that
amazing clarity and vividness leaves you blinded somewhat. You
think that you’ve made it through and experienced “awakening” or
“enlightenment” ‘cause it’s like you’ve woken up from the dream
that “you” even existed in the first place...it’s like the seconds
after you wake up on a sunny morning, not knowing who or where you
are, or what the day holds, everything fresh and new...but your
eyes become accustomed to the ‘light’ and you begin to see that,
rather than being anywhere “else”, you’re still right where you
were but with this new understanding and clarity. As you wander
through this seemingly new world, you meet others and you start to
reify this new “identity”, this “I without an I” if you like, like
a hollow mould onto which you carve your new life as “liberated”,
or “enlightened”. Slowly but surely though, the old habits come
back and you find yourself getting pissed off at people, being
annoyed by current events, emotionally perturbed by day-to-day
disagreements, but all this while telling yourself, like a mantra,
“there’s no “me” there to feel this way so I don’t need to deal
with it”. Continuing to investigate my immediate sensate
experience, seeing how there is no subject to be found, that
permanence and change are only imputations of mind, and how
clinging/craving any of ‘this’ just led to the same cycle of
bullshit eliminated even that; thought, feeling, identity, Self,
Soul, agent, do-er, feeler, no affective emotional qualities
whatsoever, just this complete stillness, peace and absolutely no
sense of mental ‘movement’.
But ‘further’ still, recently the entire construct of body and
mind as having any sort of objective existence began to dissolve
entirely! To experience the world as the world experiencing itself,
so to speak, direct and intimate, like living life in
High-Definition, even the sense of existing as this physical form
drops off completely; not that the body isn’t still ‘here’ and
doing it’s thing, but it’s experienced as a dance of instantaneous,
self-liberated, luminous sensation, not as “the body” or “the
mind”. Yet things continue to deepen, to develop and change without
any effort on “my” part, just this dance of creation doing what it
does. Please note that I am using these words literally, when I say
that the mind and body ‘drop away’, they appear to do so and all
that’s left is what I can only describe as 'pure experiencing'.
Does that give any sort of indication what I’m talking about?
I’m not trying to say I’m any sort of expert, all I can ever know
is my own experience but certain things in how others communicate
their insights take on a completely different level of clarity
after you’ve been there too.
......
Lisa, when I use the word "experiencing" I am simply referring
to basic sensate perception, i.e. seeing, hearing, smelling,
tasting, touching, & thought. Even after a 'shift' into an
entirely new perceptual experience, the world continues to be
experienced as these six streams of consciousness; sense
consciousness itself is equally transient, empty and
self-liberated, but it's arising is still dependent on conditions.
Any better? :)
......
Jackson, I really like the way you describe this here: "The
perceptual experience is a complete unitary gestalt." I often use
the term "gestalt" when trying to describe the complete unification
of the sense-field that occurs, however it fascinates me that even
the apparent unity itself can be broken by observing how the
non-simultaneous nature of perception is illusory too; in other
words, it all seems to be happening at once, no sense of any
passage of time or continuity between one moment and the next.
Wonderful fun!
......
It seemed much more fragile & thin when I first began to
encounter it, but it's just the absence of any stability or
anything for "me" to cling to that makes it seem 'thin' or somehow
insubstantial. I no longer experience 'this' reality, as in the way
things were experienced prior to the elimination of the sense of
being, and haven't done so for at least six weeks, and the memory
of what it was like to live any other way seems so distant that
it's like remembering a dream. You'll almost certainly have
experienced this at some point in your life, but to live it 24/7 is
really quite something & well worth it.
......
Delma, I tend to avoid framing my practice within the Actualist
model for a number of reasons. If you're familiar with the festival
of butthurt that happens on the DhO every time the subject comes
up, you'll know what I mean. The term "cessation of being" is, as
far as I know, more of a Buddhist thing but it's an adequate
description regardless of tradition.
......
Lisa, it's hard to describe purely because I know that it's easy
to confuse with lots of other things depending on where you're at.
The sense of being, as I'd describe it anyway, is that fundamental
sense of existence which underlies every experience. It's what
remains once the self has been seen through, but it still implies
some sense of a subject or something which seems to be aware of
this experience as it happens and so still implies a false
duality.
......
I wasn't looking to add anything, I just find your inability to
discuss the practical aspects of meditation & your
insistence on the whole 'nothing need be done' to be laughable, not
to mention unhelpful given the context you're posting in. I'm not
saying you're 'wrong' in saying that there is nothing to be done,
but you seem to be unable to grasp the fact that such a
realization, even in your own experience, requires 'effort' at some
stage simply by the application of attentiveness/mindfulness to
ones immediate experience.
......
Feelings can only appear in relation to an object which is not
clearly experienced via the six sense doors. They are always
feelings ABOUT something and their appearance is part of what leads
to the creation of a subject, an “I”, who is there to experience
this apparent object, that which is perceived as “not I”.
When there is no subject to be found, how is it that objects
continue to be perceived?
What’s still implying that “you” have control over any of this
experience called “life”?
What’s still hiding in the shadows, pretending it’s something
other than it really 'is'?
If you were to drop dead right now, what would actually change
in the world?
Just a few things to consider if you're still interested in
unraveling the knot...
......
There is no subject whatsoever beyond it's imputation, whether
genuine or otherwise. If you still experience ANY sort of sense of
an observer or subject or even a body to whom this is happening,
you're not done and there are still a LOT of knots to be
unraveled.
......
I write a blog called "Methods of Awakening" which may be of
interest to some of you, I'm still in the process of finishing up
about 10+ articles to post so forgive the sparseness at
present.
My focus is on practical, down-to-earth, bullshit-free
techniques and methods available, from various traditions, which
can allow a person to develop further insight into their experience
and free themselves from the ignorance which prevents us from
seeing clearly. I'm not a teacher or any sort of expert, what I
write about is from empirical experimentation and personal
experience over several years, so please don't take my opinion as
any sort of authority. I just figured some people may find some use
in this particular article.
......
Apperception, depending on the context it's used in, could be
described as being direct perception of that instant of sense
contact before the mind develops a feeling (positive, negative or
neutral) about some stimuli and then subsequently
labels/conceptualizes it. What you're describing as "direct
experience" here, particularly the mention of "realness" and the
completely different way of experiencing, sounds to me like you've
probably encountered apperception. That way of experiencing becomes
the baseline at one stage in practice and is such a hugely
different, not to mention freeing, way to live that it's literally
beyond imagination, purely because to apperceive a 'thing' can't be
imagined, only experienced directly.
......
While the initial realization of anatta (not-self, rather than
no-self), may bring about a period of apperception, normal
perception tends to return, albeit different in some way, due to
the still existent subject/object split. Apperception in the sense
I'm using it is entirely devoid of ANY sense of "me" even existing
AT ALL, not simply the recognition of "my" illusory nature. When
apperception is occurring, there is literally no sense whatsoever
of anyone who sees, or hears, or thinks. While you've had a glimpse
of what that's like, the actual experience of it as the baseline of
functioning is very different, much clearer, self-luminous and so,
so immediate and direct. I don't think that "apperception" is being
discovered at LU to be honest, although that's not to say that
people aren't perhaps encountering it to some degree, but I'm
pretty certain that no one so far who's come to this via LU has
penetrated that far...yet.
......
That's a fair point, and thank you for your honesty. I do tend
to question people quite openly about this, calling people out on
what they're saying and taking a more upfront approach than what's
common within the whole 'spiritual' thing, but that's because
having people call me out on my own bullshit in the past has led to
major re-evaluations of fundamental misunderstandings which I'd
neglected to investigate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing
anyone of bullshitting or making false claims, it's just that
things can get very, very confusing at times and there are lots of
time-wasting 'wrong-turns' one can make. Obviously there's a lot to
be said for going off the beaten track, I'm not disregarding the
importance of excursions along the way, but, to me at least, this
process can be approached much more efficiently with good
techniques/methods, discipline and strong intent. Either way, I'll
make it quite clear that I NEVER ever post with any ill-will or
with the intent to harm another in any way.
......
A verse I wrote the other night...
There is seeing, but no one sees.
The windows open into an empty room.
Even the walls cannot be found here.