How does practising the Dharma helps in this case?

SeekTruth SG

My husband has not been working for two years and may not be working in the future. I have two boys in primary school. The burden of supporting the family is on me and I have poor health. My two boys have poor results and are very disobedient. I believe in the teaching of the buddha. I wonder what will the buddha advise me to do. I have difficulty performing my job as I am troubled by my family problems and am now trying to look for another job. Every morning, I wake up feeling despair. I am trying to provide for the family, cope with a troubled husband and try to help my children succeed in their studies. How can I find the strength and wisdom to balance all these by practising the Dharma? Is this my karma? Should I accept my karma and accept things as they are?

Dawnfirstlight SG

I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. Before we talk about wisdom, I advise you to believe strongly in Goddess of Mercy (Bodhisattva). Instead of praying to her in the Taoist way (by holding 3 joss sticks), recite her name （南无观世音菩萨）everyday as many times as you can. You can recite silently in your heart if you don't have the time to sit down and recite. Ask her for whatever help you need to pull through you current situation. You may not see the immediate effect but helps will come in many forms. You may meet people who are willing to help you etc. However, praying alone and do nothing to help yourself is also not right. Bodhisattva will only help those who help themseves.

If you believe in karma, I would say yes, this is not just your karma but collective karma. Buddha taught us that everything is impermanent, be it good or bad. Impermanance is not necessarily pessimistic. Bad is also impermanent, it will become good one day. Your children will grow up one day to share your burden so your problems are also temporary. Instead of feeling despair, concentrate on how to solve the problems which you are facing 活在当下. Meaning don't think of the past, don't think of the future, think of now. With the help of Bodhisattva，I believe you can pull through just like one of my friend. She was able to pull through with the help of Bodhisattva. She believes strongly in Goddess of Mercy (Bodhisattva) and she also experience many "miracles"(helps).

You may seek financial help from Buddhist organisation like Buddhist Lodge （居士林).

Fugazzi SG

When one is accepting of things/people/world as they are NOT one is accepting of all. Of course, it presupposes that one is always ’’dying’ to the concepts, the conditioning of what a husband should be, what life should be, ‘dying’ to the roles as soon as they are finished.
The so-called problems will remain as long as the above are not reconciled and that includes i dont like this, i like this!

Dying to the past has been misconstrued as keeping what is ‘good’’ and letting go of what is ‘bad’’. No such thing!

realization SG

Yes, take Dawnfirstlight's advice to constantly recite the name of Guan Yin Bodhisattva (Namo Guan Shi Yin Pusa). Dedicate any merits accrued from reciting the Guan Yin's name towards the well-being of yourself and your family. Guan Yin Pusa is very compassionate and merciful; have faith.

For the time being, perhaps the whirlwind of life will not stop just because you want it to, and that's probably all the more frazzling for you. If possible, take some time out during coffee breaks, at lunchtime or in the evenings after washing the dishes to just allow yourself 5 minutes of thinking nothing, doing nothing... just rest your mind.

Anytime you feel despair, you can also try this method of just relaxing and letting your mind rest. Just be kind to yourself for 5-10 minutes and allow peace to be felt.

Like Dawnfirstlight said, you can pull through.

Fugazzi SG

If one chants any word/mantra/?? in the mind incessantly, ’’other’’ thoughts end cos they have no space to ’’occupy’’. One may assume that one is meditating, one is not!

The continous chanting can be likened to ’’autohypnosis’’ ( a device that provides for &#8230 Wink ; It does not allow for one to ’’awaken’’ or be ’’englightened”or …; certainly one is bound to have a good feeling of being well n …. It is like having taken a shower and of course one feels refreshed and reality is that it does not last. Also, there is no transcending, merely that of suppressing ….(???) and one has to repeat that particualar mantra (or &#8230 Wink to keep whatever that one does not want to expereince. It is fine to practice or chant, but one has to be wary of the pitfalls of …..

Dharmadhatu SG

Hi SeekTruth,

Yes, this is karma, however, it doesn't mean that u should just feel despair and resign yourself to it. Karma is simple, for eg. someone eats something poisonous, then the result is that she gets sick, so there is a cause for everything. You need not feel guilty or blame yourself for it. Instead, tell yourself that you are going to create positive causes for a better future.

The main way that Dharma can help you is through releasing the worry and negativity in your mind through deeper understanding, which will indirectly help your life. One of the main thing about all of life situations is that it is impermanent, you may be going through a rough patch now, but if you can hold yourself together positively, one day, it too can pass.

If you are interested, you could participate in the following events...

http://www.sakyatenphelling.org/programme/special/2012/20120106_WealthPujaPosterFinalV2.pdf

and also the Tara event

http://www.sakyatenphelling.org/programme/special/2012/20111226_ChineseNewYearProgramFinal.htm

(scroll down to see)

Attend with a reverent and sincere heart.

In the meanwhile, you can chant what Dawnfirstlight taught you...

Amitayus48 SG

You may seek financial help from Buddhist organisation like Buddhist Lodge （居士林).

If you continue to feel despair, your health will not improve, and will affect your ability to enjoy your life and more importantly is helping the study of your child。 Your child needs your love & care. Be strong in your mind through recitation 南无观世音菩萨.

秦净乐家住钱塘，丈夫姓于，以卖鱼为生。儿子犯法入狱，家庭因而破亡。秦氏深以此为苦，常想跳河自杀。后来遇到净住寺的照法师劝她说：‘所以会有这种烦恼，都是由于他是你前世的怨家。你如果因此而沉江自尽，不如念佛求生西方。’
秦氏听了这番话，醒了过来。就在佛前烧一个指头供佛，发誓三称要吃长素。从此十年间不懈怠的念佛，见到一切人都尊称为佛的弟子。有一天，她请持戒的修行人为她诵《观无量寿佛经》。戒行人每诵完一个观想，她就念佛号一千声。诵到像观的时候，她忽然就往生了。

王氏是合肥人马永逸的妻子。永逸修净土，王氏也修念佛，持印度的十念法门。她也持破地狱偈，这首偈语出自《华严经》。经上说：“如果有人想要知道得清楚明白，过去世的，现在世的及未来世的一切佛的话，就应该要观照十法界的自性，一切都是真如本心所造出来的。” [偈出华严经。云。若人欲了知。三世一切佛。应观法界性。一切唯心造。]

有一天晚上，她梦见阎罗王来向她道谢说：“很感激蒙受您持偈语的功德，使得地狱的众生，很多都能生到善道去。”后来王氏生病，在口念佛名中去世。她的亲属及侍女，都梦见她跟他们说：“我已经往生净土了。”（乐邦文类）

常熟人陆寡妇，二十岁时丈夫就死了。她持斋念佛，与人无争。六十七岁那年死亡。
死后，焚烧她生前所穿著的衫裙。当火焰及热气都消失之后，忽然在那堆灰上，发出金色的光芒，大家一看，灰里面有几十尊佛的影像。乡亲都聚集来观看，人人皆焚香膜拜。这是康熙三年时发生的事。（果报闻见录）

南京人杨选一的妻子是南昌人，她在三十岁生子之后，就与丈夫分房而居，让丈夫娶妾。她自己则长斋念佛，如此过了十五年。
那年的八月，她的背生了一个疽，痛入骨髓。她见到有一个凶恶的鬼，拿刀来逼迫她，结果被一位大力神赶走。恶鬼一走，她的背痛马上就停止。
不久之后，她就跟丈夫说：“我要走了，有四位童子来迎接我，你可以用清茶来供养他们。”丈夫问她要去那里，她回答说：“要去西方。”于是就合掌唱佛名而逝世。（净土晨钟）

http://www.foshu.org/books3/2071.htm
善女人往生传

Aik TC SG

Is this my karma? Should I accept my karma and accept things as they are?

It would be fatalistic and a mistake to put your current predicament on the effect of your pass karma alone. By accepting things as they are, you may find temporarily respite and a sense of comfort but it is not going to solve your present problems and may lead to a whole cycle of inaction. By all means find solace in the suggestions posted on these thread. But I think you should also try to contact the nearest CDC in your area for advices and help. If they are not able to assist you, they are likely to put you to other relevant organizations which can assist you in some ways.

SeekTruth SG

Thank you all for your advice. I tried chanting this morning and feel that it gives me a sense of peace and temporary relief from my confused mind. I always feel so alone. When the problem first started, I was optimistic and have faith that the situation will improve but another CNY is approaching and things seems more or less the same. It is just depressing. Nevertheless, I will continue to chant and hope for the best.

Weychin SG

If you can get your family members to attend some Buddhist classes, help them plant seeds of good affinity. Attend the classes, learn teachings to help you deal with sufferings, that you may face them and deal with them better! Even if any of that does’nt come to do any good, (at least not immediately),surely it will not come to do any harm!
There will be some advice which will resonate with you, bringing some respite, and avoid creating further negatively if you can! You try to chant parittas, I have personally found them to be effective!
May you be happy and secure!
SABBE SATTA SUKHITA HONTU!

Dawnfirstlight SG

I'm glad that you starting to recite. Regarding your children's poor results, I have something to share with you. Of course, all parents hope that their children score well but some children don't have affinity with books. One of my sibling is one of them. Among us, he dropped out school early but he's now a boss with employees and he earns more than any of us. Although results are important in today's society but it is not eveything and poor results also do not mean no future. Of course, I still encourage you to do something about your children's studies like sending them for tuition. I know Bright Hill Temple and some other organisation are giving free tuition, you may check it out.

Fugazzi SG

Why the suffering? My guess is that of not accepting of what is at hand (what is not) and worse is that of comparing oneself and the wishing and wanting. The suffering is psychological and till that is acknowledged, understood one’’s problems may go away or be resolved but the nature of living is such that something will always come up to …..
One who compares onself will certainly compare one’s siblings one’s children and these woould percolate and permeate one’s daily living.

It is fine to practice or chant, but one has to be wary of the pitfalls of such a stance, it merely relieves n it does not solve a situational ’’problem”.

Dawnfirstlight SG

It is fine to practice or chant, but one has to be wary of the pitfalls of such a stance, it merely relieves n it does not solve a situational ’’problem”.

观世音菩萨，千处祈求，千处应。有求必应. Of course, we must be sincere, practice according to Buddha's teachings and accumulate merits. By removing a piece of rock on the road to avoid others from tripping over it is also a kind of merit. Accumulating merits does not mean just donation.

StriveOn SG

Our Great Teacher said, before he passes away, "Dhamma pada Sankhara, Appamedena Sampadetha". => "All Conditioned things are Transient, Strive On Earnestly"

I know it is hard for you. I may even seem heartless to talk like that. But if you contemplate hard enough, that is the way things is.

Accept the Karma? I don't think you have a choice.

What should you do? Strive On earnestly. Imagine a warrior at war, vastly outnumbered but Determination and Faith kept him going.

In your case, Strive On earnestly (in case you dont know what to do) will mean, continue to look for employment of better prospects, ask Friends and Relatives for help whether to get jobs or financially. Check out Help Groups or Help Instituitions. Is there anywhere that you can educate your boys cheaper? And dont forget to pray and cultivate wholesomeness.

Do not just stop and cry, because if you do that, then nothing will happen.

Metta with Mindfulness SG

雨过一定就会天晴

在很难过、很痛苦、很伤心的日子里，
你几乎要以为自己从此失去微笑的能力了。
但是，灿烂的明天依然会来临。

无论如何痛苦难受的日子，都不可能永远持续下去。
一切都会雨过天晴的，只要打起精神，
好好地陪伴自己渡过难关，静心等待彩虹再现的惊喜。

所以，当你感到不安时，就好好鼓励自己
[ 没问题的，一切都会过去的。 ]

Cut & paste from facebook
[慈悲生命协会 – Compassion Life Society]

Don’t give up no matter what.

多念佛，多听法。祝福你

realization SG

SeekTruth, I had been thinking about you occasionally over the CNY break. How are you? If you don't feel too uncomfortable, drop us an update from time to time.

Best wishes... Namo Guan Shi Yin Pusa /\

reborn76 SG

Hi Seek Truth

We are what WE ARE TODAY is because of our past. What we will be in the FUTURE will depend on WHAT WE ARE DOING. Everyone has our up and down. This is part of living. Sometime life can be unbearable because things did not turn up as per our expectation.

I am glad that you are taking one step to seek peace from within by whispering, "Namu Guan Shi Yin Pusa". Continue with the practice as you planting a good seed for a future. Things may not suddenly changed overnite but you can share the compassion you received from Kuan Yin to your husband and children through the daily chore. Of course, the human tendency is we will grumble and swear how unfair this it. However, if you take this opportunity to serve and guide them in kind words, you are already accepting your karma and practising the Buddhist teaching. Each act will become a meritous offering the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.

Namu Myoho Renge Kyo