Hello guys, I wrote this article for this forum, other forums,
and my e-book. Appreciate comments from everyone (and especially
from wise ones like Thusness and Simpo, please give feedback and
maybe I can improve my article too!). Feel free to ask anything as
well.
.................
I was trained in these 3 aspects and Thusness asked me to write
something clearer about 'experience, realization and view' and
synchronistically I actually had the same thought on that day. I
think I'm going to add this as one of those preface chapters before
I start with the journal section in my e-book.
So the 3 aspects I'm talking about are:
1. The Experience
2. The Realization
3. The Implications of View
However, for the sake of this article and benefit for readers, I
will add two more:
4. The Practice
5. The Result/Fruition
... so this is going to be a very long article... I can feel it as
I am writing now, hehe. Oh and one more thing: I put Practice after
the first three instead of dealing with practice in the first part
because I want people to know what they are doing their practice
for, and the reason why they are doing those practices, how those
practices result in realization and their effects on View. You will
understand as you read further.
It should also be understood that when people talk about "no-self",
it could imply a number of things... from impersonality, to
non-dual, to anatta. In worse case it is being misunderstood as
dissociation (I, the observer, dissociates from phenomena as not
myself). Therefore, we should always understand the context of 'no
self' that is being said by the practitioner or person and not
always assume that the 'no self' must be the same as the 'no self'
you have in mind. Due to lack of clarity, very often 'anatta' is
confused with 'impersonality', or 'anatta' with 'non-duality'. They
are not the same even if there may be overlaps or aspects of each
in one's experience. One must be careful to distinguish them and
not confuse one with another.
I will now start explaining 'experience'.
There are a number of important experiences related to our true
nature:
1. Pure Presence/Witness
This is the case when practitioners have experienced a pure
radiance of presence, awareness, in the gap between two thoughts.
Having recognised this pure presence-awareness, one tries to
sustain this recognition in daily life. In daily life, one may
sense this as a background witnessing presence, a space-like
awareness in the background of things. It is felt to be something
stable and unchanging though we often lose sight of it due to
fixation on the contents of experience or thoughts (like focusing
on the drawing and losing sight of the canvas). This is related to
the 'I AM', but still, this is the experience, not the
realization.
2. Impersonality
This is the case when practitioners experienced that everything is
an expression of a universal cosmic intelligence. There is
therefore no sense of a personal doer... rather, it feels like I
and everything is being lived by a higher power, being expressed by
a higher cosmic intelligence. But this is still dualistic – there
is still this sense of separation between a 'cosmic intelligence'
and the 'world of experience', so it is still dualistic.
I experienced impersonality after the I AM realization, however
some people experience it before I AM realization. Theistic
Christians may not have I AM realization (it depends), however
through their surrendering to Christ, they can drop their sense of
personal doership and experience the sense of 'being lived by
Christ', as in Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ
and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.". This is an
experience of impersonality that may or may not come with the
realization of I AM.
3. Non-dual into One Mind.
Where subject and object division collapsed into a single seamless
experience of one Naked Awareness. There is a difference between a
temporary non-dual experience and non-dual insight. Explained
later.
4. No-Mind
Where even the naked Awareness is totally forgotten and dissolved
into simply scenery, sound, arising thoughts and passing scent.
This is the experience of Anatta, but not the realization of
Anatta. Explained later.
5. Sunyata (Emptiness)
It is when the 'self' is completely transcended into dependently
originated activity. The play of dharma. There is a difference
between this as a peak experience and the realization of
emptiness/dependent origination. Explained later.
Next is the 'Realization':
1. The Realization of I AM
Having an experience of witnessing, or a state of pure presence, is
not the same as having attained self-realization - in that case the
practitioner can be said to have an experience, but not
insight/realization. I have had experiences of Presence and
Witnessing consciousness since 2007, but not the realization until
February 2010 after almost two years of self-inquiry
practice.
Self-realization is attained when there is a certainty of Being -
an irrefutable and doubtless realization of Pure Presence-Existence
or Consciousness or Beingness or Existence as being one's true
identity. There is nothing clearer or undoubtable or irrefutable
than You! Eureka. One realizes the luminous essence of mind but is
unable to see it as all manifestations under differing conditions
(that would be non-dual and beyond).
In this phase of insight one sees all thoughts and experiences as
coming from and subsiding within this Ground of Being, but the
Beingness as a noumenon is unaffected by the comings and goings of
phenomenon, like the movie images passing through the screen, or
the waves coming and going within an unchanging ocean. Seeing a
subtle distinction between the Noumenal and Phenomenal, one clings
to the pure thoughtless beingness (which is non-conceptual thought)
as one's purest identity, as if it is the true unchanging self or
ground Behind all things - one clings to a formless background
source or witness of phenomena.
Since view of duality and inherency is strong, Awareness is seen as
an eternal witnessing presence, a pure formless perceiving subject.
So it is seen that I am here, as an eternal unchanging
Witness/Watcher of the passing thoughts and feelings, I simply
witness but is not affected by, nor judges that one sees -
nonetheless there is a separation between the Observer and the
Observed. A true experience is being distorted by the mind's
tendency at projecting duality and inherency (to things, self,
awareness, etc)
Also, in my experience the I AM experience after the initial
realization is tainted with a slight sense of personality and
locality. That is, even though the mind knows how to experience
Presence beyond all concepts, the mind still cannot separate
Presence from that slight and subtle sense of personality, until
about two months after the realization, that sense of a localized
witness completely dissolved into a non-localized, impersonal space
of witnessing-awareness-presence (but still dualistic and
'background'). At this level, the I AM is separated from
Personality, and it is seen as if everything and everyone in the
world share the same source or same space, like if a vase breaks,
the air inside the vase completely merges with the air of the
entire environment such that there is no sense of a division
between an 'inside space' or an 'outside space', such that
everything shares the same space, as an analogy of all-pervading
presence. This all-pervading presence, though stripped of any sense
of a locality or a sense of personality, still pertains to the
thought level (non-conceptual thought). One does not experience the
same 'taste' in the other sense doors - like sight, sound, smell,
taste, touch. Nevertheless, if this experience of 'all-pervading
presence' is sustained, it can lead to an oceanic samadhi
experience.
p.s. (updated) Just one day after writing this chapter, I found a
book by the same name as mine, 'Who am I?' by Pandit Shriram Sharma
Archaya. He distinguishes the Soul, the Inner Self/the Inner
Witness/the 'Nucleus of your World', from the Universal Self or the
Omnipresent Supreme Being which is the supreme source of even that
Inner Self and everything else in the world. He says that one has
to realise the Inner Self first before realizing the unity or
oneness of that Inner Self with that Universal Self,
Atman=Brahman.
This is precisely what I'm talking about - the difference between
the initial experience and realization of I AM (as the inner Self),
then the maturation into the Universal I AM. This is the difference
between Thusness Stage 1 and 2. In the Universal I AM, it is just
this "unified field" in which "everything belongs to everyone", and
that in this phase "A Yogi is one whose individuality has been
consciously united (merged) with the cosmic Self." Everything and
everyone is impersonally expressed and lived by this pervasive
source, as stated by him, "particles of universally pervasive
intelligence and energy, cosmic consciousness [Chetna] and life,
are activating infinite systems, forms and forces of this
cosmos."
2. The
Realization of Non-Dual, into One Mind
Having an experience of non-duality is not the same as having a
realization... for example, you may have a temporary experience
where the sense of separation between experiencer and experience
suddenly and temporarily dissolves or there is the sense that
subject and object has merged... temporarily. I had such
experiences since 2006 (I had a number of similar experiences since
then in following years, differing in intensity and length), the
first time I had it was when looking at a tree - at that point the
sense of an observer suddenly disappeared into oblivion and there
is just the amazing greenery, the colours, shapes, and movement of
the tree swaying with the wind with an amazingly intense clarity
and aliveness as if every leaves on the tree is crystal-like. This
had a lot of 'Wow' factor to it because of the huge contrast
between the Self-mode of experience and the No-Self mode of
experience (imagine dropping a one ton load off your shoulders, the
huge contrast makes you go Wow!) This is not yet the realization of
non-duality... the realization that separation has been false right
from the beginning... there never was separation.
When non-dual realization (that there never was subject-object
duality) arise, non-dual experience becomes effortless and has a
more ordinary, mundane quality to it (even though not any less rich
or intense or alive), as everywhere I go, it is just this sensate
world presenting itself in an intimate, non-dual, clean, perfect,
wonderful way, something that 'I' cannot 'get out of' even if I
wanted to because there is simply no illusion and sense of
self/Self that could get out of this mode of perceiving, and there
is nothing I needed to do to experience that (i.e. effortless),
something that has no entry and exit. In the absence of the 'huge
contrast' effected in a short glimpse of non-dual experience prior
to insight, there is less of the 'Wow' factor, more of being
ordinary, mundane, and yet no less magnificent and wonderful.
You also become doubtless that the taste of luminosity
experienced in I AM is exactly the same taste in all six entries -
sights, sounds, smell, taste, touch, thought. So now you realize
the "one taste of luminosity" and effortlessly experience pure
luminosity and presence-awareness in and as the transience. You
realize that the I AM (nonceptual thought) that you realized and
experienced is simply luminosity and NDNCDIMOP (non-dual,
non-conceptual, direct, immediate mode of perception) in one
particular state or manifestation or realm, by no means the
totality, but by not realizing this you reified one state into the
purest and most ultimate identity (a note however: the ‘one taste’
spoken in Mahamudra tradition is not just one taste of luminosity
but the one taste of the union of luminosity and emptiness), and
thus you no longer "choose" or have "preference" on a purer state
of presence to abide, since you see that I AM is no more I AM than
a transient sound or sight or thought, everything shares the same
taste of luminosity/awareness, and of non-duality. Here the
tendency to refer back to a background is reduced as a result of
this seeing..
Hence merely having temporary non-dual samadhis are *not*
enlightenment... why? The realization that there never was
separation to begin with, hasn't arisen. Therefore you can only
have temporary glimpses and experiences of non-dual... where the
latent dualistic tendencies continue to surface... and not have
seamless, effortless seeing.
And even after seeing through this separation, you may have the
realization of non-dual but still fall into substantial
non-duality, or One Mind. Why? This is because though we have
overcome the bond of duality, our view of reality is still seeing
it as 'inherent'. Our view or framework has it that reality must
have an inherent essence or substance to it, something permanent,
independent, ultimate. So though everything is experienced without
separation, the mind still can't overcome the idea of a
source.
There is no overcoming the idea of an ultimate metaphysical
essence, something unchanging and ultimate, even with insight into
the non-duality of subject and object. With this view of inherency,
Awareness is seen as inherent, even though previously it was as if
things were happening 'In' Awareness but now all manifestations ARE
Awareness, or rather, Awareness is manifesting 'AS' everything
(rather than things happening 'IN' Awareness which would be
dualistic). Awareness is not apart from manifestation.
Nonetheless, the mind keeps coming back to a 'source', a 'One
Naked Awareness', a 'One Mind' which manifests as the many (All is
Mind - everything is You! The trees, the mountains, the rivers, all
You and yet not You - no duality or division of subject and
object), and is unable to break-through and find the constant need
to rest in an ultimate reality in which everything is a part of...
a Mind, an Awareness, a Self.... Or one tries to be non-dual by
attempts to reconfirm the non-dual or one mind (thinking the sound
and sights is You, trying to subsume everything into Mind, trying
to be nondual with or intimiate with sights and sounds) which is
another form of effort arising due to ignorance – the ignorance of
the fact of anatta that always already, seeing is just the seen, no
seer, and therefore no effort or attempts to reconfirm is
necessary. All effort is due to the illusion of ‘self’.
What this results in is a subtle tendency to cling, to sink back to
a ground, a source, or attempt to reconfirm, and so transience
cannot be fully and effortlessly appreciated for what it is. It is
an important phase however, as for the first time phenomena are no
longer seen as 'happening IN Awareness' but 'happening AS
Awareness' – Awareness is its object of perception, Awareness is
expressing itself as every moment of manifest perception.
It should be understood that even in this phase, at the peak of One
Mind, one will have glimpses of No Mind as *temporary peak
experiences* where the source/Awareness is temporarily forgotten
into 'just the scenery, the taste, the sound, etc'. Very often,
people try to master the state of No Mind without realizing anatta,
thus no fundamental transformation of view can occur.
Since no fundamental change in view has taken place (the view is
still of 'inherent Source'), one can still fall back from that peak
experience and reference back to the One Awareness. That is, until
you see that the idea itself is merely a thought, and everything is
merely thoughts, sights, sounds, disjoint, disperse, insubstantial.
There, a change of view takes place... the result of,
3. The Realization of Anatta
Here, experience remains non-dual but without the view of
'everything is inside me/everything is an expression of
ME/everything is ME' but 'there is just thoughts, sight, sound,
taste' – just manifestation.
More precisely (as it is realized for me in October 2010 when I was
doing Basic Military Training): in that moment of seeing, you
realize that the seeing is JUST the experience of scenery! There is
no 'seer is seeing the secenery' - the view of 'seer seeing the
seen' is completely eradicated by the realization that 'in seeing
ALWAYS just the seen, Seeing is just the seen'. In seeing, always
just the shapes, colours, forms, textures, details of
manifestation. The illusion of agency is seen through
forever.
BUT... this is not the end of story for anatta and no-agency. The
initial entry into Anatta for me was the aspect of Thusness's
Second Stanza of Anatta, however the First Stanza was not as clear
for me at the moment (for some people, they enter through the first
stanza, but for me and those focusing on non-dual luminosity,
insight comes through second stanza first). The two stanzas of
Anatta can be found in
http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.com/2009/03/on-anatta-emptiness-and-spontaneous.html
Few months later, even though it has already been seen that ‘seeing
is always the sights, sounds, colours and shapes, never a seer’, I
began to notice this subtle remaining tendency to cling to a Here
and Now. Somehow, I still want to return to a Here, a Now, like
'The actual world right here and now', which I can 'ground myself
in', like I needed to ground in something truly existing, like I
needed to return to being actual, here, now, whatever you want to
call it. At that point when I detected this subtle movement I
instantly recognised it to be illusory and dropped it, however I
still could not find a natural resolution to that.
Until, shortly maybe two weeks later, a deeper insight arose and I
saw how Here/Now or something I can ground myself in doesn't apply
when the "brilliant, self-luminous, vivid, alive, wonderful
textures and forms and shapes and colours and details of the
universe", all sense perceptions and thoughts, are in reality
insubstantial, groundless, disjoint, unsupported and spontaneous,
there was a deeper freedom and effortlessness. It is this insight
into all as insubstantial, bubble-like, disjoint manifestations
that allows this overcoming of a subtle view of something inherent.
There is no observer observing something changing: simply that the
"sensate world" is simply these disjoint manifestations without
anything linking each sensation to another, without some inherent
ground that could link manifestations, so manifestations are
'scattered'. Somewhere this time, Thusness wrote me a post in blog:
http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.com/2011/02/putting-aside-presence-penetrate-deeply.html
Prior to this insight, there isn't the insight into phenomena as
being 'scattered' without a linking basis (well there already was
but it needs refinement)... the moment you say there is an ‘Actual
World Here/Now’, or a Mind, or an Awareness, or a Presence that is
constant throughout all experiences, that pervades and arise as all
appearances, you have failed to see the 'no-linking', 'disjointed',
'unsupported' nature of manifestation – an insight which breaks a
subtle clinging to an inherent ground, resulting in greater
freedom.
Only one who realizes anatta and thus becoming a stream entrant will
start to understand the purpose of Buddhist practice.
Buddhist practice is not about being lock-in to a most special or
ultimate state of consciousness. Due to the false view that there
is some inherently existing ultimate Self or state, such a
spiritual aspirant may see the ultimate spiritual goal as permanent
abidance in that purest unchanging state or reality or Source. This
is actually a practice at grasping, not letting go, and therefore
will not reach the Buddhist goal of the cessation of all clinging
and afflictions (Nirvana).
The Buddha's teachings on the other hand teaches us to realize no
self, no me, no mine, in anything - including 'awareness',
'consciousness'. It does not mean consciousness is denied but the
inherency of consciousness is seen through. One sees that the
notion of agency, or an ultimate awareness observing or manifesting
things is an illusion... in seeing there is just the seen without
seer, no agent, no source behind things. So there is not 'awareness
and manifestation' and not even 'awareness manifesting as
everything' since 'awareness' is only 'manifestation'. There is no
'The Awareness', rather it is deconstructed into the six
constituent streams of consciousnesses therefore vastly different
from the monistic kind of non-duality (One Mind) - rather there are
the visual, auditory, nasal, gustatory, tactile, and mental
consciousness, all are processes of activities manifesting
according to causes and conditions (such as the sense organ, the
sense object, and all kinds of various causes and conditions). So
all experiences are constantly self-releasing because there is no
'inherent view', the view of something inherent, that causes us to
grasp, abide, cling to.
In short, what this realization entails is the deconstruction of
'Awareness' into the six streams of dependently originated
consciousness, without a cognizer, through the realization that in
seeing always just the colours, shapes and forms, and in hearing
always just the sounds (the diverse appearance of manifestation).
There is just a process and stream of activities of knowing without
knower, and each manifestation of cognizance is distinct, disjoint,
it is just a diverse display of manifold rather than a collapsing
of multiplicity into Oneness such as in the case of One Mind.
When the sense of self/Self is sufficiently deconstructed, you
also begin to experience everything as being a stream of activities
that dependently originates. You directly see and experience
everything as the activity resultant of the interaction of the
entire universe of causal conditions... the total exertion of the
universe, the totality of causes and conditions, gives rise to this
moment of manifestation. Effectively, there is no self, no
universe, no solidity, and all there ever is is an interdependent
process of causes and conditions meeting to give rise to an
activity, followed by another interaction that gives rise to more
activities, ad infinitum.
Therefore, dependent origination allows us not only to see "just
manifestation" as in anatta, but also to see "manifestation" as the
dynamic interdependent process of ungraspable, unlocatable, and
empty (yet vivid, dynamically manifesting) activities. However,
without anatta, without the utter and complete deconstruction and
removal of the sense of self/Self, we will not be able to
experience everything as the total exertion of all causal
conditions. It is only when the sense of self/Self is totally
relinquished that we can experience ourselves AS this causal
process, without any sense of an agency or personality. Therefore,
the insight and experience of dependent origination requires the
full maturation of Anatta and No-Mind as a requisite.
Anatta and dependent origination are therefore linked, but not the
same. You can realize anatta but not realize dependent origination,
but you cannot truly experience and realize dependent origination
without anatta (i.e. through dualistic and inherent thought or
view). For example, normally we view ourselves as actors, and
doers, of our bodily action and speech. We think we are a
controller of our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. When we
realize anatta, this doer, controller, perceiver, agent is seen to
be false and illusory - there never was an agent. This makes it
possible for us to penetrate deeper into 'how' manifestation
occurs? At this point, an intuitive seeing happens - whatever
manifests, manifests as an activity via causality, the sound of 'da
da da' on the keyboard does not come from ME, they are not MINE,
but the words formulating in the mind, leading almost instantly to
a physical movement and action to press the buttons on the
keyboard, leading instantly to a manifested auditory experience of
the 'da da da' sound.... one seamless impersonal, interdependent
and causal process of activities, manifesting upon the aggregation
of causes and conditions, subsiding due to the fading away of
causes and conditions. One cannot even say that the 'da da da' is
the sound of the keyboard any more than it is the sound of the
words formulating in my mind - it is just this single causal,
impersonal process of activities happening without any agency or
source (be it internal or external), happening entirely by causal
aggregation.
4. The Realization of Emptiness (Shunyata)
Effectively with the realization of Anatta, the substantiality of
any self/Self is totally seen through. There is no such thing as a
'self' or an ultimate 'Self' with the capital S at all - always, in
seeing just sights, in hearing only sounds, in sensing - just
tactile sensations. Manifesting and liberating upon inception...
moment by moment. Once seen, there is no longer any more clinging
to some ultimate Source or metaphysical essence/substance. Instead,
one finds delight in the direct revelation of the sensate world
moment by moment, seeing, hearing, tasting, all wonderful, all
marvellous, how alive... words can never capture it, the
practitioner is no longer concerned with concepts and contents, but
instead 'grooves' in the minutest details of every sensation.
Freedom from sense of self/Self is very freeing and blissful.
However, having said so much, there is a danger of reifying the
sensate world into an actual, substantial, tangible, inherently
existing objective universe. This is the phase after the
realization of Anatta, and before the realization of Shunyata. At
this phase, it is as Thusness have said, "Before the insight anatta
first arose, you still risked the danger of seeing the physical as
inherent and truly existing. Therefore there is a period that you
are lost, unsure and AF [Actualism/Actual Freedom - a teaching that
aims to eradicate all sense of self/Self and emotions] seems
appealing - a sign that you have not extended the insight of
emptiness to phenomena though you kept saying twofold emptiness.",
and after Shunyata it is more like "There is just aggregates that
are like foams, bubbles, ethereal having all the same taste without
substantiality and implicitly non-dual. No sense of body, mind and
the world, nothing actual or truly there."
So what is the realization of Shunyata?
When observing a thought in the beginning of June 2011, observing
where it came from, where it goes to, where it stays, it's
discovered (again, a eureka moment) that the thought is utterly
illusory (and likewise all forms and sense perception are the
same)! Empty! No-arising, no-staying, no-cessation! Insubstantial!
Coreless! Substanceless! Hollow! Unlocatable! Without an origin!
Without a destination! Cannot be pinned down! Cannot be grasped!
Cannot be found! And yet, as empty as it is, still, like a
magician's trick, an apparition, an illusion, vividly manifesting
due to interdependent origination out of nowhere, in nowhere! How
amazing it is! A sense of wonder and bliss arose in light of this
realization, a newfound freedom and liberation. And as wonderful as
it sound, there is still nonetheless a growing dispassion to the
entire show - it is like a TV show, and when you see that your
whole life is like a TV show - utterly empty of any substance, you
can no longer become so passionate about it. You see it as it truly
is - a dream-like movie playing out. This is the arising of true
dispassion and non-attachment.
It should be understood that everything is dream-like, mind-only,
in the sense of Emptiness is not the same as Substantial
Non-duality of One Mind.
It is now seen that everything is really no different from a
thought - as in as baseless and empty as a projected thought like a
dream, though it doesn't literally mean everything (including sense
perceptions) are mere figment of imagination or projection (if you
stop thinking, illusory perceptions still manifest due to natural
dependent origination). Since everything is dream-like and
illusory, they are fundamentally no different from a thought or a
dream, and it is in this sense we can say that everything is
mind-only. So all is mind in terms of emptiness signifies this
dreamlike nature, vastly different from all is mind from
substantialist perspective.
So in short, there is a very big difference between substantialist
non-dual of One-Mind and what I said here. In this experience,
there is no background reality. It is NOT 'The world is illusory,
only Brahman is Real'. It is not about the background Awareness
(there is no awareness apart from manifestation!) but rather the
foreground aggregates that I am talking about - A thought.
Everything is as insubstantial and illusory as a thought or a
dream. There is just the aggregates that are like foams, bubbles,
ethereal, having all the same taste (of luminosity and emptiness)
without substantiality and implicitly non-dual. No sense of body,
mind and the world, nothing actual or truly there or here.
Anatta (firstfold emptiness, pertaining to self/soul) makes clear
many of the Buddha's teachings about anatta, especially Bahiya
Sutta, Anattalakkhana Sutta, and so on. Whereas this realization of
Shunyata (as in secondfold emptiness, pertaining to objects) makes
clear another set of teachings by Buddha such as the Phena Sutta,
and the Mahayana Sutras like the Heart Sutra and Prajnaparamita
Sutras.
The realization of twofold emptiness is traditionally (in Mahayana
traditions) deemed as the basic criteria for realizing the first
bhumi Bodhisattva in the path to Buddhahood, whereas the
realization of anatta (no subjective self) is the realization of
stream-entry in the path to Arhantship.