A poster I've been communicating
from RuthlessTruth woke up and
shared his account with me.
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I have experienced the intensity of luminosity. I like the
word luminosity for it. It's like the pristineness, the silent,
still, and radiant aliveness of the universe, the !-ness of
reality. It almost shimmers with the awesomeness of aliveness. I
can sense where this differs from the undivided unity of Being
experience which is still a thought-form. It still holds onto a
concept of a higher power, or a God. And as the world begins to
synchronize with my intentions and purposes, I attribute this to
the higher power, and communicate with it. But this is different.
It's like the unity of Being as a thought form brought into the
foreground as pure sensation. There's a recognition that "this is
what I am," as I walk around the house and see the couch, the
faucet, the kitchen counter. There's a feeling of total oneness.
Not so much "there is this One and I am experiencing it, I
understand it." There's an unmistakable recognition that I am the
Universe, and I'm not experiencing myself from any particular
vantage point. I just Am the whole thing, and anything I look at,
there I am. I am the metal. I am the cold. I am the blueness. I am
the night and day. There doesn't seem to be an inquiry appropriate
to deepening the luminosity. It's just a noticing and cultivating
that noticing.
I've been all the way through to the end of this journey a
couple times. It lasted almost a month once when I was off working
at a retreat center. I think I started malfunctioning in certain
obvious ways that I ignored about a week into it. I had seen and
was experiencing the truth, but I hadn't picked up on enough of the
implications and found an integrity to it yet. I was just
celebrating the absence of time, meaning, etc. I watched X-files,
got drunk, and ate bacon every night. Very strange way for an
"enlightened" person to act. So yeah, the vision of truth was
there, but I was out of harmony with it. Then I crashed really hard
and had to pick a bunch of pieces up. Then another one lasted only
a few hours but was so fucking intense and thorough. I knew what
Nisargadatta and Ramana were saying. I WAS Nisargadatta and Ramana.
And I crashed again, and had a new set of stuff to clean up. And
then I joined Ruthless Truth and they pushed me over into a new
sort of experience, which also came with a crash, but my time here
really came to fruition when Ciaran told me to focus on What K
(name omitted) actually is. The "unique and intimate
stunning reality of who you are (as a real fiction)." Then all that
stuff I was cleaning up from before started cleaning up much
faster. I came to appreciate my existence as K
(name omitted).
I saw how utterly complex I am, within the context of this utter
simplicity of only now-ness. And then this insight a couple weeks
ago spread to other people as well. I have a better sense for the
importance of identity and how it's essentially the best way the
universe has come up with so far (on this planet) to recognize
itself, and FUCK that's amazing. So a lot of my resistance to
"unconsciousness" fell away. I just see it as part of the unfolding
of consciousness. My resistance to rigidity and ignorance in others
had diminished significantly and so my own peace with the universe
increased.
Anyway, that's a lot of story telling. What's up with that
luminosity? I appreciate you guiding me in the right direction. I
can feel that this is the correct way to be going as there's a
deeper sense of peace and less fabrication happening. I keep
"disappearing" throughout the day. I cease to exist within the
universe. This is pleasant. It's not that I'm uninvolved in the
drama. It's that I'm not even here to experience it. And the body,
which looks so impersonal, just goes about its day doing shit, even
feeling insecure for hours at a time, and in reflection, it doesnt'
seem like I was there for any of it, experiencing or collecting
these experiences in some central place called
"me."