good teachings by Pema Chodron, taken from her book No Time to
Lose (pg 36).
From verse 27 until the end of this chapter,
Shantideva presents the practice of confession or, as Trungpa
Rinpoche translated it, “laying aside our neurotic crimes.”
Whenever we do something we wish we hadn’t, we give it our full,
compassionate attention. Rather than hiding our mistakes from
ourselves and others, we forthrightly declare them. By
acknowledging them to ourselves, we avoid self-deception. In
certain circumstances, we may also declare them to someone else, as
witness to our wise intention.
To see clearly how we strengthen or weaken
crippling patterns, we have to bring them to light. It’s like
getting ready for bed at night: we easily remove our clothes in a
room by ourselves, but the presence of another person heightens our
awareness. The role of others, whether it’s the great protectors or
our friends, is simply to hear us out, without judging or needing
to fix us. In this way, confession overcomes ignorance, or lack of
self-reflection.
You may ask, “Isn’t it enough to acknowledge my
regrets to myself?” it does help a lot, but not enough to
completely dissolve self-deception. When we express our regrets to
the buddhas or another human being, we can’t kid ourselves. As an
act of self-compassion and self-respect, we use a witness to expose
ourselves to ourselves. Thus instead of carrying around a burden of
shame, we’re free to make a fresh start. The benefit of laying
aside our “neurotic crimes” is being able to go forward without
guilt.
The practice of confession is an excellent way to
move beyond guilt and self-deception. It relies on the view that
neurosis, while it may feel monolithic or immutable, is essentially
transitory and insubstantial. It is just very strong energy that we
mistakenly identify as a solid and permanent “me”. Confessing, like
make offerings and prostrations, helps us let go of this fixed
version of who we are.
When we do something we wish we hadn’t, we don’t
remain oblivious; we acknowledge it with what Dzigar Longtrul
Rinpoche calls “positive sadness.” Instead of condemning ourselves,
we can connect with the openhearted tenderness of regret. Thus the
habits of self-deception and guilt have a chance to wither away.
This is the essential point of the practice of confession.