Seeking Some Honest Answers

Pricey369 SG

This is a hard thing to admit but I am in need of genuine help. I will explain a little but in true essense is Buddhism worth a try for a person for me and if so where do I start?

I am an expat living in Singapore for 3-4 months. To cut a very long story short I have been abused as a child by my parents and by the catholic church when placed in their care as a boy. I suffer from alcoholism although I have managed to fight this and stay dry for a month. I am a very emotional person and it stems from way back.

A friend of mine has reccomended that Buddhism may be able to help me find myself to assist in forgiving others for my past and help me move forward to a better life for me, allowing me to feel like a person and help others which I love doing.

I do hope you will be able to assist me as I would like to take a diferent path and find some hapiness for a change instead of blaming my past life for my current mistakes now. I need some guidance and I'm hoping this may be the place for me to really find inner peace and hapiness which I havent for many years.

I thank you for your time.

reborn76 SG

Hi Pricey369

Sorry to hear about your unpleasant childhood, I empathise with your circumstances. However, I do want to applaud you for your courage to acknowledge to the past. It was the past, that resulted in the present. What the future will hold for you is dependent on your present. I believe you are taking a significant step to reconcile your past and change the future by opening your heart to the teaching of Buddha.

Do rest assured that you can be safe by seeking refuge in the Shakyamuni Buddha, His teaching and the spiritual community.

Lotus Sutra Chpter 16 mentioned that Shakyamuni Buddha is the father of this world, saving those who suffer and are afflicted.

You can take your time to explore the various tradition of Buddhism (http://www.buddhanet.info/wbd/country.php?count…) to see which tradition is your preference.

As for me, I am a Nichiren Shu practitioner (http://www.nichiren-shu.org/) and through the practice of chanting,”Namu Myo Ho Renge Kyo”. It has given me hope and strength to overcame personal conflicts in my own life. I pray that someday down the road you too will be healed of your past and become a overcomer in your own life. I shall end this with Nichiren writing on, “Happiness In This World”

”... and chant Namu-myoho-renge-kyo. Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue chanting Namu-myoho-renge-kyo. No matter what happens.”

VexTeen92 SG

This is a hard thing to admit but I am in need of genuine help. I will explain a little but in true essense is Buddhism worth a try for a person for me and if so where do I start?

I think you may need to find a qualified Buddhist teacher or someone who is knowledgeable enough to know more about Dharma. I myself start by looking through the internet and good Buddhist books. I think the reason why you may feel depressed/stress is because the abuse you got from your parent leaves a painful scar in your memory. Parent to a child is a like a pillar to depend on when young.

For me its a bit similar , I was often bullied and cane/lashed by my siblings for no reason. And my parent was often not at home. I kind of understand how you are feeling. Must have felt very lousy/sad/lost...etc...

Why don't you search youtube for Ajahn Brahm's dharma talk, I think his dharma talk answer many questions/problems modern people like us face. There is quite a variety of videos in the channel, you can take your time to browse around.

http://www.youtube.com/user/BuddhistSocietyWA

A very good idea Ajahn Brahm had come out with is the AFL code. A: acknowledge F:forgive L:learn.

Now you had already A: acknowledge your problem, the next is to F and L. Forgive your past and learn from it.

Buddha means The awaken one. Being able to address your problem is a good beginning. You are on the track to wake up from the past.

On the other hand, you should also go research on what Buddhism is really about. Take your time to find out before going into any practice.

This is about all I could share with you, I got to know the Dharma not too long ago.

geis SG

hello,

think there's already some good advice and links given to you, should well be able to give you some headstart.

from my experience as a new practitioner, the right teachings will appear to me to guide me in the most suitable way at that moment, so long as i keep my heart open. do not rush into things, take your time to learn the Buddha's teachings, and allow some space for your mind and body to heal.

i guess at this point in time, the healing is the most important thing for you, and you will need a teacher to help guide you through the difficult phases in healing.

if you are interested in learning vipassana under the Mahasi Sayadaw tradition can pm me, i practice at vmc.

also i will highly recommend the book 'a path with heart' by Jack Kornfield for starters.

Weychin SG

Please find a qualified teacher whom you are comfortable with, you'll need it.

Because once you've settled down to the business of meditation, you'll find your suppressed anger memories and unhappiness rising to the surface. Is is better that you have someone whom you have good rapport to guide through it.

An Eternal Now SG

Hi Pricey,

Welcome to the forum... it's good that you are looking into Buddhism to solve your problems..

VexTeen92 mentioned Ajahn Brahm... he's a video you might want to listen (it's 10 minutes): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8d4s7n5ZXWM

Also... you might want to check out Eckhart Tolle's books (The Power of Now, A New Earth) which I think is inspirational and transformative.

Here's an excerpt from A New Earth:

bohiruci SG

hatred will never be resolved by hatred , enmity will never be resolved by frustration,

just turn back and generate loving kindness to those who hurt u in your life ,will you resolve the hatred lifetime after lifetime .Your encounters with all those who abused you , is the result of your many lifetimes doing hurt to others .They doesnt want to hurt you , but its the karmic force that they and you are linked upon and thus they unknowingly follow the forces that binds you to them. It nothing about the religion ,its about the unhappy link with them

Avalokiteshvara regarders of the world's cries look to every sentient beings as his children and resolve enmity that severed aeons ago .

You are encouraged to think of those who hurt you with the transference of merit.

"May I generate the most precious mind to resolve and severed the unhappy link between xx and me

With that i Offer 108 times of Om Mani Padme Hum

Dawnfirstlight SG

This is a hard thing to admit but I am in need of genuine help. I will explain a little but in true essense is Buddhism worth a try for a person for me and if so where do I start?

Your friend is correct. Buddhism teaches no attachment and teaches how to let go (of your past). Buddhism will not just help you in this life, it will also help you in afterlife. You need time to find out more about Buddhism.

Meditation will help you to find inner peace and overcome alcoholism . You just need to find a qualified teacher to teach you meditation.

If we want to transform our life and be free from problems we must learn to transform our mind.

When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations we tend to regard the situation itself as the problem, but in reality whatever problems we experience come from the mind. If we were to respond to difficulties with a positive or peaceful mind they would not be problems for us; indeed we may even come to regard them as challenges or opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if we respond to situations with a negative state of mind. Therefore, if we want to transform our life and be free from problems we must learn to transform our mind. Sufferings, problems, worries, unhappiness, and pain all exist within our mind; they are all unpleasant feelings, which are part of the mind. Through controlling and purifying our mind we can stop them once and for all.

Lokey SG

There are many good advices that are being posted around.

Instead of dwelling in the past which you cannot change, why not work on your future and present NOW?

Pricey369 SG

Lokey,

Thats the whole point, that is what I am doing or I wouldnt be posting my whole life for everyone to see on the internet. I am focusing on now to seek assistance on where to go in Singapore as a starting point. I looked at the youtube link and enjoyed the one on conflict very much and will ensure I listen to more as it just makes sense in fact very simple sense when you look at the video. Now I am a little confused as there are different Buddhist sections in Singapore. How do I know which is right for me to achieve my goals. Im not sure where to start. How do I know what is right? How do I find a teacher? What should I be looking for to start and find help. I appreciate everyones valuable assistance. Escpecially the Youtube link to assist me in getting a much clearer view on the teachings. It was amazing. No I just want to know, what do I do now in Singapore? .

Lokey SG

If the barrier is in the heart, the key is in your hand already. There is no need to seek any other things. Even if you do, nothing will get in and out, if you still hold the key in your hand and refuse to unlock your heart.

Dawnfirstlight SG

Lokey,

Please refer to the link below (Buddhist Fellowship website). Buddhist Fellowship is more for people who are English speaking. I believe you can find where to start from there :

http://www.buddhistfellowship.org/xoops/index.php

Dawnfirstlight SG

Sorry Pricey, the above is their old website. The latest is as follow :

http://www.buddhistfellowship.org/cms/

VexTeen92 SG

Lokey,

I get what you mean. I think now you should just spend some more time when you are free listening to dharma talk online. Browse around the web. It will make more sense to you gradually. Meanwhile, you could also go to Buddhist monasteries or bookshops to pick up some good books to further know more of what you would like to know. Take your time to choose your books. Start simple. Here is one book I can recommend you: “I wonder why by Thubten chodron”.

The reason why I think you should start simple is because you are new to Buddhism. There are many fundamentals of Buddhism you may not understand. Topics like rebirth, reincarnation, karma, the realms beings and etc etc.. Plus the sutras and mantras some fellow forummer shared with you…etc.. all this seem just overflowing and hard to digest in such short period of time. Even I myself sometimes get no idea what the people are trying to say. xD xD xD!!

Buddhism is a realized religion. On the surface, it seemed so normal. You see people in temples offering fruits and other stuffs to the Buddha statues, monks and nuns chanting and chanting… One can never understand what meaning/purpose it hold just by seeing the surface. So to understand and to know how to apply it in your life, you can never leave the dharma and reliable texts(The historical Buddha shakyamuni)

Honestly, nowadays there are many misleading practice/group/temples around. So when you explore around, go with an open mind. Don’t immediately go into it. Observe the organization you visit. You may also check the locked topics at the heading of this forum. The one on rules and regulation, there it stated some groups that we don’t recognize.

Be as simple as possible. If its too complicated how can you know what is it you are looking for? When the time you think you are ready to go into practice, choose the organization which you think suits you best.

Here is a link which I think you might need it in future if you are really keen to go into Buddhism. This site listed out the fundamentals of Buddhism in order.

http://web.singnet.com.sg/~alankhoo/Buddhism.htm

To know what is right, or how can you know if those Buddhist organization are reliable.

Always link back to the fundamentals. Here is one very famous quote that Shakyamuni Buddha left behind for anyone who would like to know more about what he realized.

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

This is what I can say lastly: Straighten out your life 1st. I myself have not gone into any right now. I'm still on the initial track.

zero thought SG

Hi Pricey,

Buddhism is for everyone, so anyone can learn. I remember when I really got started with Buddhism, I begin by reading a lot of Buddhist books - and got several free distribution books from kong meng san monastery. I also signed up for the Basic Buddhism course in Kong Meng San,although I did not complete it, it helped me understand better what Buddhism is all about. Slowly from there, I moved on to the Sutras (Buddha's teachings).

You are not alone in these problems, each and everyone of us too have our own set of frustrations and problems - and in Buddhism, we learn these about these sufferings in life and how to walk the path to the end of these sufferings. Learning Buddhism is not going to be an overnight thing where after we graduate with a degree we stop, but an ongoing process of learning, applying, and understanding.

Buddhism is a lot about letting go. The past is over like a dream, and the present as we speak, is also becoming the past the next moment, and the future is yet to come. So we learn to let go of them all.

You may be interested to start from some e-book reading...
http://www.kmspks.org/download/index.htm
http://www.kmspks.org/download/ebook.htm
Their book "Buddhism for beginners" is pretty good - but no soft copy available.
http://www.kmspks.org/kmspks/publishedbooks2.htm

You can also sign up for the Buddhism course at kong meng san when the next one is available.
http://www.kmspks.org/education/index.htm

The last time I attended the course at kong meng san, it was conducted by Richard Chia. It is now being conducted at Pu Ji Si, you may want to ask them when the new intake is available.
http://www.basicbuddhism.org/index.cfm?GPID=119

This website - corporate body of the Buddha Educational Foundation also provide Buddhist books, you can email your order from this book list to them
http://www.budaedu.org/en/book/II-02main.php3
The last time I ordered (some years back) a lot of useful books, there is no shipping cost nor book cost, however, it took a few months to receive them.

2009novice SG

hope u are able to find peace in learning buddhism

cheers

Amitayus48 SG

Hi Pricey369,

Is a about enlightening on everyone's unconditional happiness, loving-kindness and serenity at its present moment. There are affinity that resulted in your foreseen circumstances which Buddhism provided you the answer and help you to let go. Your emotional discharge is due to lack of understanding on your unconditional bliss and serenity as well as the loving nature of others. What you grasped on was the deluded emotional memory of yourself reacted / arises negatively from external environment or living beings, that is not real self. Buddhism helps you in recovering your true loving self and live happily and calmly.

You would find love, joys and peace in exploring Buddhism.

Amitabha

Isis SG

This is a hard thing to admit but I am in need of genuine help. I will explain a little but in true essense is Buddhism worth a try for a person for me and if so where do I start?

Hello... why not you try out Buddhist Fellowship in Singapore

http://www.buddhistfellowship.org/cms/

It caters to mainly English speaking buddhist. I'm not sure if you understand Chinese.. i will also introduce you some chinese temple..

Also, there will be a meditation retreat in Bright Hill Temple. Venerable Thich Nhat hanh will be coming over to Singapore..the poster and information is here http://www.kmspks.org/events/TNH.htm

If you interested, can youtube : "Ajahn Brahm"

Ajahn Brahm is a Western Buddhist Monk, ordinated in the Thai tradition. Most of his Dharma talks are witty, humourous, simple and meaningful.

Well, hope you will enjoy your stay here.

May you have a peace of mind and happiness (: