Criticism
Lama Zopa Rinpoche made the
following comments on how to deal with criticism.
Bad reputation is very powerful to
use for your practice, and it should be used that way. As a Kadampa
geshe once said, "If someone criticizes you, this destroys your
mistakes; it blows away immediately one’s own mistakes. If you are
praised, it causes pride/the ego to inflate and causes great
pride."
These are some quotations for
transforming bad conditions into happiness by looking at them as
positive, favorable conditions:
"If one has wealth, there is
suffering in collecting and protecting it. If one is poor, this is
the objectivity of Dharma."
"Suffering is the broom clearing
away negative karmas."
"Suffering is the manifestation of
emptiness (this means to look at the nature of suffering as empty,
by meditating on its emptiness). Then, the suffering doesn't bother
you. Seeing it as inherently existing, real suffering disturbs the
mind, the mind becomes easily overwhelmed by a problem, whereas the
other way – seeing its emptiness – the mind is able to overwhelm
the problem like a flood."
"Suffering is the blessing or
kindness of the guru." Here, the blessing is the purification of
negative karma, suffering being the result of negative karma (which
is now ending).
Kharag Gom Chung said, "Bad or
adverse conditions are the virtuous friend, these obstacles are the
inspiration persuading you to practice virtue."
"Suffering is the result of my
negative karma, therefore don't dislike it or look at it as an
obstacle."
Transforming bad conditions into
happiness by looking at them as positive, favorable conditions is
the way to make problems, bad conditions, beneficial, by using them
as the path to enlightenment. How? Meditating on loving kindness
and bodhicitta destroys the ego. We use them as a weapon to destroy
the self-cherishing thought, which brings all obstacles. So,
meditate on bodhicitta and wisdom.
In your case, use all the criticism
and bad reputation, whether it is a result of your mistake or not,
to destroy your ego and self-cherishing thought, which blocks one
from achieving enlightenment. As long as self-cherishing abides in
one’s heart, it stops one achieving enlightenment and benefiting
all sentient beings. You can think of the kindness of the other
person that helps you to destroy your ego. Usually, you are always
supporting your ego, even developing it. Now, this person (the
enemy) is helping to destroy your self-cherishing thought, so what
is regarded as your enemy is really your most kind
friend!
What we do is use undesirable
situations, loss, etc., as experiences to be of most benefit to all
sentient beings. This is not just making one’s own life emotionally
happy, for some temporary peace.
There are other thought
transformation teachings – so many ways you can make your life
experience most beneficial for yourself and others. The essence is
– if you are happy, make it beneficial for sentient beings; if you
are suffering, use it as the cause to bring happiness to others.
This way, whatever kind of life experience you have, use it on the
path. There is no interruption to Dharma practice, and one’s life
is most beneficial.
Go Tsampa said, "Others’ mistakes
are one’s own mistakes. Clarify the appearance of the mistake into
the deity." This means, however one is treated is the result of
one’s own negative karma. Even if others create a bad reputation
for you, and there is no apparent cause from your side to
experience the result, still, you have to have created the cause.
You can see what this yogi is saying. The second part of this
technique is looking at that person as the guru, even visualizing
that person in the form of a deity. This stops anger and negative
emotional thoughts arising and the suffering results of
those.
Karog Geshe said, "Experiencing
this small suffering now finishes past negative karma, and there
will be happiness in future lives. Because it finishes past
negative karma, be happy for the suffering."
Criticism of Mother[posted Aug
2009]
Rinpoche sent the following letter
to a student who had written saying that her mother was criticized
a lot, and what could she do to help her.
My very dear Catherine,
Thank you very much for your kind
letter. I am sorry for the delay in replying.
Yes, you are right, it is your
mother’s karma that people criticize her. Maybe in the past she
criticized others, maybe also she told lies to others.
In regards to how you can help, one
thought that came to me is this: when people criticize your mother,
actually this is an incredible practice for you. Of course, the
people who criticize her are a most precious opportunity for your
mother, in her life, like a wish-granting jewel, if she can use it.
Your wish is that people only praise your mother and not criticize,
but here I will explain why this is actually so important and how
you can use it.
First, you take all this criticism
on yourself, what people are saying about your mother, and give it
to your ego, the self-cherishing thought, and totally eliminate it,
like a bomb. Remember that the self-cherishing thought is the
enemy, that it is the self-cherishing thought that did not allow
you to achieve enlightenment in the past, from beginningless
rebirths, did not allow you to even achieve liberation from
samsara, and did not allow you to achieve any realizations of the
lam-rim.
The self-cherishing thought has
only cheated and deceived you, caused all problems, obstacles, and
sufferings. Think: as long as this self-cherishing thought abides
in my heart, it will cause me harm in the future. As long as this
self-cherishing thought abides in my heart there is no end to
suffering, no enlightenment, no liberation, no attainments,
constant suffering in samsara, and constant experience of
obstacles. Every time there is criticism, do this meditation, then
the self-cherishing thought is destroyed.
The object that the self-cherishing
thought cherishes—the object “I,” the “real I” that is cherished by
the self-cherishing thought, real in the sense of existing from its
own side, not merely labeled by the mind, the “I” that exists—is
what is merely labeled by the mind. This is the false “I,” which
appears to be not merely labeled by the mind. That is destroyed;
you see it is completely, totally empty. Try to see that, stay in
that state, and feel that whenever you can.
Then you give your happiness, all
the merits of the three times, past, present, and future, all the
resulting happiness, including enlightenment, to these people. They
receive everything: the whole path to enlightenment, and they get
enlightened and become the deity.
Your mother can do the same thing;
this is a very good practice. You are using the other people’s
criticism as a path to achieve enlightenment. This means you are
using the other people’s criticism also as a path to achieve
liberation, freedom forever from the ocean of samsaric suffering
and its causes—karma and delusions. That means using the criticism
becomes a method for liberating sentient beings from the oceans of
sufferings in each realm, all the hell beings, hungry ghosts,
animals, human beings, suras, and asuras, and bringing them to full
enlightenment.
The benefits are unbelievable,
there are limitless skies of benefits and advantages that you
achieve and that your mother achieves. It also purifies past
negative karma; even if you did not think this, this is what
happens.
This practice is the best
psychology, the most useful psychology. It is the most important
teaching, the teaching of bodhicitta. This is the best, most
important practice. You are using the other people’s criticism,
making the best use of it, and making it most beneficial for
yourself.
Western psychology mainly tries to
make a person feel comfortable now. The aim is to bring comfort to
the person now, whether the explanation is right or wrong. That is
the main goal, that they hope will happen. Here, what I am saying,
means that day to day, moment by moment, you have peace in your
heart. Your mind is so unbelievably happy, and you realize that
that person (who is criticizing) is the most precious, most kind
person for you. He or she is the most precious and kind because you
achieve liberation and enlightenment from that person, because you
are able to complete the paramita of patience and generate
compassion and bodhicitta. He or she who criticizes you or is angry
with you is the only one who causes you to achieve the whole
Mahayana path, the five paths, ten bhumis, and higher goals, even
the lower path has unbelievable qualities. The eighth and ninth
bhumis have qualities we cannot comprehend, it is beyond our
concept. It is like buddhahood for us; those bodhisattvas are like
Buddha to our limited mind.
Buddha’s holy body, holy speech,
and holy mind have limitless skies of qualities, so he or she who
criticizes is the one who causes you to achieve all these paths and
bhumis, all these incredible qualities, and all Buddha’s qualities
within you. You see how they are most precious, most kind to you.
They liberate you and make you collect unbelievable merit, so that
helps you also to realize emptiness and be free from samsara, by
ceasing the causes: karma and delusion, and the
root—ignorance.
Doing these practices protects you
from getting angry, so this protects you from creating negative
karma, from harming others, and then causing others to get angry at
you so that they create negative karma with their body, speech, and
mind towards you.
It does all this; it is
unbelievable. It stops you from going to the lower realms and
bringing others to the lower realms—this is unbelievable. To
understand this you need to think about the most unimaginable
sufferings of the hell realm, hungry ghost realm, and animal realm.
It is most unbearable, especially the hell realm. Thought
transformation, especially bodhicitta, protects not only you, but
also so many sentient beings, even in this life. You protect so
many sentient beings from being reborn in the lower realms and
experiencing oceans of unbelievable, heavy sufferings.
It says in the teachings: how hot
is one tiny spark of fire in the hell realms? If you put all the
fire in the human realm together, that is like a snowflake falling
or cool air compared to one tiny spark of fire in the hell realms.
It is unbearable. That is just one spark, so the rest of the hot
hell is inconceivably hot, such as the burning ground and the
burning iron house. Imagine an extremely large container with
liquid iron and being cooked inside. Now you can
imagine.
By practicing thought
transformation, especially bodhicitta, you protect yourself and so
many sentient beings from this most unbearable suffering in the
lower realms, especially in the hells. This is extremely important
to think about. If you can, read the lam-rim teachings on the
sufferings of the lower realms, or other teachings in other texts.
When you read them, try to remember them, to have some idea, so
that you know, when you practice Dharma, especially thought
transformation and bodhicitta, how it protects you every day, you
and so many sentient beings, family members, and other people. You
protect so many sentient beings in this life from being reborn in
the lower realms and experiencing all those unbearable
sufferings.
The other way to think is that when
you see people in this life who get angry or criticize you or your
mother, think that they are most precious, like wish-fulfilling
jewels. In fact, they are more precious than that. In reality, a
wish-fulfilling jewel is nothing, it is just something you can find
and see how precious it is. But this situation, when you use
thought transformation practice, brings you to enlightenment and
enables you to liberate numberless sentient beings from the oceans
of suffering and bring them to enlightenment. Even wish-fulfilling
jewels cannot do that. You cannot generate compassion towards a
wish-fulfilling jewel; a wish-fulfilling jewel does not have a
suffering mind and does not have anger.
Please try to practice like this.
Please also find attached the practices that you should focus on in
this life. It is very important, every day, to meditate on the
lam-rim, also, to recite one lam-rim prayer every day, reading it
slowly, going over the meaning (such as the Foundation of all Good
Qualities, the Three Principles of the Path, etc). You need to
actualize the lam-rim, no matter how long it takes. Please put your
effort into this.
Please practice as much as you can—
life is not long, the nature of this life is impermanent, and death
can happen at any time. This is the foundation of Buddha’s
teachings, and this was the last advice Buddha gave before showing
the aspect of passing away.
What makes your life most
meaningful is meditation on the lam-rim, then to live your life
with a bodhicitta motivation. This is the best.
With much love and
prayers...
Criticizing and blaming
others
The most important Dharma practice
is to cease the delusions, the three poisonous minds, which are the
root of all suffering, as well as the self-centered mind. All the
reciting of mantras and prayers, listening to Dharma, meditating,
prostrating, offering mandalas, making offerings at the altar to
the holy objects—all of it is for ceasing the delusions and
ego.
Therefore the main Dharma practice
is to watch the mind during your daily life and to try to free it
from being controlled by delusion; to stop torturing yourself with
delusions, abusing yourself with your own delusions. How? By
applying the three principal aspects of the path and tantra—or at
the very least, impermanence and death.
We should realize that the mind is
like a baby and we always need to watch it and take care of it;
forgetting to do this for even a few minutes can bring danger to a
small child. Suddenly the mind is in great danger, which means your
life is in great danger. Because your life is controlled by
delusion and engaged in karma, your suffering of samsara will be
without end.
We blame and criticize others
because we don't like suffering. But if we don't like suffering, we
should not harm others and create disharmony; this is what
interferes with our happiness. What we want and what we are doing
are opposite.
Of course, this doesn't mean one
can't point out others' mistakes at all. But when you do, as much
as possible do it with loving kindness and compassion. For the sake
of others, one can point out mistakes and make suggestions—this is
how you discuss and communicate according to Dharma. This way there
is no danger for oneself; one doesn't create negative karma, which
throws oneself over the precipice of the three lower
realms.
Although you do your meditation
sessions and sadhanas and recite mantra, most of the day is wasted
if your work is not connected to Dharma. Not only that, your
precious human body is used to create the lower realms. Whatever
you do must be according to lam-rim; that is the guideline for this
life and future lives.
Being criticized and blamed by
others
If you are being criticized by
others, use it for Dharma practice, the path to enlightenment, the
means for bringing happiness, temporal and ultimate, to all
sentient beings. By utilizing the experience of the problem in this
way, you can keep your mind in the state of happiness. With this
thought transformation practice, the best practice of Dharma, one
sacrifices one's own life for others in order to obtain their
happiness.
This blaming, these complaints
against "me," are the manifestation of many lifetimes of heavy
karmas. Use it as much as possible to pacify your own anger and ill
will towards others, which is the enemy of bodhicitta, in order to
complete the paramita of patience, which is the path to
enlightenment. Use it to develop bodhicitta by taking upon yourself
all sentient beings' karma of receiving complaints and being
blamed. Experience it for others.
Handling Criticism
A woman in Delhi, whose name was
often in the press, had received criticism that she felt was
unfair. She was extremely upset about this adverse press coverage,
and came to ask for advice.
When something like this happens,
think in this way: “I am not going to be here in this world
forever, in Delhi with these society people.” This is also useful
when experiencing very hurtful relationship problems, if the
situation is really heavy and you feel you can’t bear
it.
Think like this: “Actually, death
can happen any time. Even today, at any moment, death can happen to
me. So what is the point in being worried about bad reputation and
all those words? There is no point at all.
“Even if I am
criticized by every human being in this world, even by animals,
insects, hell beings, hungry ghosts, devas, and asuras, it is
nothing. It is not the first time I have experienced being
criticized. Numberless times in the past I have experienced this.
Not only have I been criticized, I have also had good reputations
numberless times in the past, not only in this life, in past lives.
Numberless times, I have had a great reputation. I have been the
most famous person in the world.”
So, good and bad reputations are
nothing new in samsara, and life is so short. It is like a dream, a
one-time dream. It happens, and then it is gone. Like the duration
of lightning, there’s a vivid appearance and the next minute, it’s
gone. Thinking about impermanence and death is extremely
important.
Regarding good reputation, it is
said in the teachings by Milarepa, the great Tibetan yogi who
became enlightened in one brief lifetime, that even though the
sound of a thundering dragon is loud, it is empty sound. Even
though the rainbow has such beautiful colors, it still disappears.
The thundering sound refers to good and bad reputation, and the
rainbow’s beautiful colors refer to a beautiful body.
The conclusion to what Milarepa is
saying is not to cling. Of course, it doesn’t mean one shouldn’t
have a good reputation. One can have a good reputation with a good
heart. If having a good reputation is useful and it benefits
others, then it is good, only in order to benefit and cause
happiness to other living beings.
I often say in my lectures, having
power and influence brings great danger for oneself and the world
if one does not have a good heart in life. Therefore, these things,
power and influence, are meaningless. But when one has a good heart
and a mind to benefit others, having influence and power can be
used to cause happiness for others. In these ways, these things
become very meaningful.
In just this way, His Holiness the
Dalai Lama or Shakyamuni Buddha have the best reputation, because
there is no delusion, no defilements. The mind is completely pure
and the actions are completely pure and performed only for others,
not only with compassion and perfect power but with all wisdom and
all the skills, so there is nothing to blame or to complain about.
There is no cause for a bad reputation.
According to Western terminology,
here is the best psychology. Or, in Buddhism, according to
meditation, this is how one can transform problems into happiness:
by enjoying the problems.
Not only can one enjoy having a
good reputation, one can enjoy having a bad reputation. How? The
secret key is to think of the benefits of having a bad reputation
and to think of the advantage you gain from it. The most important
benefit, the most extensive, precious, and greatest advantage, and
the basic technique to gain it, is to use the problem. Use the
reputation to destroy your ego, which is your biggest main enemy.
The ego makes you encounter all the problems and causes others to
abuse you, criticize you, and give you your bad reputation. If you
destroy the ego, there is only ultimate good heart—in Sanskrit,
bodhicitta: the thought of benefiting others, cherishing others;
that very pure holy mind.
Having that makes you holy, called
a bodhisattva, and ultimately makes you become a buddha. How? By
making your mind cease all mistakes, defilements, and complete all
the good qualities of the realizations. The advantage for you in
becoming a perfect buddha is that the purpose of your life is not
only to achieve happiness for yourself, but to cause happiness for
all living beings, and free them from all the sufferings. By
greatly benefiting others and bringing them to full enlightenment,
peerless happiness, you also become a buddha and you have
omniscience, perfect, complete, peerless power to cause all
happiness for every living being, including
enlightenment.
Experiencing problems for other
living beings means developing compassion and loving kindness. By
experiencing problems for others this way, you collect merit, good
karma as vast as the sky, and the cause of happiness, and you
purify inconceivable negative defilements. Whenever you encounter
problems, you experience them for numberless others who are
experiencing similar problems now and in the future.
This is how one can enjoy problems,
gaining benefits as great as the sky. Each time you experience
problems for others, you come closer to enlightenment, peerless
happiness. With a good heart, when you are working for others, you
are purifying so much of your own negative karma. It definitely
gets purified, especially when you bear hardships working for
others.
It is also mentioned in the
teachings by the Kadampa Geshes, the great saints, that it is good
that one gets criticized. Why? Because it is said by them that if
one is praised by others, it develops pride. It lifts up the mind
and makes one stuck up. But if one is criticized, it destroys one’s
mistakes immediately. These mistaken actions bring problems now and
in the future for oneself and for others. But if one is criticized,
one comes to realize the mistakes that one was not aware of and
this inspires one to change one’s attitude and life.
If one has comfort and happiness
from having a good reputation or other things called good (one has
to adapt this to one’s own circumstances), it sets ablaze the five
poisonous delusions. If one is unhappy and suffering, that is, if
one has problems, it finishes the negative karmas collected in the
past. This is due to the guru’s kindness. Not everyone believes in
the term ‘God’ so one can change the term from ‘God’ into ‘guru’.
When the term guru doesn’t fit, then one can use the term
God.
Problems are manifestations of
emptiness, the ultimate nature. When one encounters unfortunate and
undesirable situations, the teachings show how to look at them as
positive.
It is also useful to think about
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, whose qualities are beyond our
conception, and who benefits numberless living beings in the world,
and yet even many Tibetan people criticize His Holiness, although
they themselves are Buddhists.
When Shakyamuni Buddha was in
India, there were often sentient beings who criticized the Buddha,
even though the Buddha has no delusions, no self-cherishing, no
ignorance, no attachment, and no defilements. And, of course ,we
are ordinary beings filled with delusions and continually making
mistakes, so therefore it is natural that we get a bad reputation
and criticism from others.
By thinking this way, relax and be
happy when problems come. Just enjoy them, by using the problems
for meditation. Think of the benefit, the unbelievable opportunity
to quickly develop the mind on the path.
This way of thinking is not only
for now. It can be used in all of your daily life. It is the best
meditation.