Advice on Friends

wisdomeye SG

i think firstly, we shd assess our own ability honestly. Are we likely to be influenced by others in a negative way, if yes, then it may be better to avoid totally those who can influence.

In your heart, you can always pray for them and wish them well, but if you think that you want to help them then it is up to you, assess your own ability to help them. Don't assess wrongly then be influenced negatively rather than being able to help others.

My assessment is that usually negative energy is much stronger than whatever positive qualities we have. Because becoming a better person is always a uphill climb, we are always having to deal with the negativities inside ourselves already.

If we can't help ourselves, it's difficult to change others. If we help ourselves and be very positive models, i think others will naturally be inspired to change.

Spnw07 SG

There is no need to avoid people but don't keep finding him also. Avoid engaging in unvirtuous and unnecessary speech and action. If lets say someone who loves gambling walks up and talk to you, if you just walk away it would be inappropriate. There is no need to avoid talking to him just because he loves gambling. But if you start to discuss about gambling and get tempted and think you want to gamble with him, then you're wrong. Also, if he invites you out to gamble, avoid it.

It is also better to spend more time associating with wise people.

The only way I can eliminate any possibility of him inviting me out to gamble and not having to explain myself to his satisfaction every time is to avoid him completely.

But thanks AEN for your example. It aids my understanding as different but possible real-life scenarios are included.

Spnw07 SG

i think firstly, we shd assess our own ability honestly. Are we likely to be influenced by others in a negative way, if yes, then it may be better to avoid totally those who can influence.

If we can't help ourselves, it's difficult to change others. If we help ourselves and be very positive models, i think others will naturally be inspired to change.

I especially agree with the part about negative energy usually being much stronger than whatever positive qualities we have.

It's true that if we can't help ourselves, it's difficult to help others. Yet in my opinion, sometimes we don't have to wait or push ourselves too hard to become very positive models; we don't have to harbour any thought of seeing any change that we want to see when extending our help.

Just help because you want to at that particular moment and that you believe that you have something to contribute, even though it might not solve the problem at hand immediately or completely.

wisdomeye SG

hi spnw07,

i'm not talking about helping anyone in general. I'm saying, when you meet negative people, wanting to help them change or whatever...

ok, some people are mixtures of good and bad, then for that, you have to weigh pros and cons. I mean, i am not you and for such matters, one has to use one's own judgement. there is no point trying to be so specific down to the smallest detail, because every situation is different. u will find that no theory in the world is foolproof, one always has to adapt it to the situation.

then, there is the matter of emotion and karmic debt and all that, one may be so attached to someone even though he/she is overtly harming you... for that, i only have one word: boh-pian!

Spnw07 SG

hi spnw07,

i'm not talking about helping anyone in general. I'm saying, when you meet negative people, wanting to help them change or whatever...

then, there is the matter of emotion and karmic debt and all that, one may be so attached to someone even though he/she is overtly harming you... for that, i only have one word: boh-pian!

Wanting to help negative people change right? The key word you used was 'help'...

There are people who wish to know the details for every different situation, so what we can do to help such people is to share with them our life experiences and disclose those details that we are comfortable with disclosing. But if we don't have something to share or don't want to share, then it's ok too.

It appears you felt I was looking for a foolproof theory but I am not. Like you said one always has to adapt according to the situation. I'm someone who learns from the experiences of others since we all have different views and feelings towards what we experience.

I learn as much as I can from people who wish to share.

Seeing that my comments has somehow made you feel rather frustrated or uncomfortable, let's put this aside and discuss something that we can share freely and understand each other more readily.

wisdomeye SG

hi spnw07,

thanks for understanding... i think i have exhausted any thing to share further on this topic. But others may wish to contribute to your questions...

« Previous Page