Parents agony help group

bohiruci SG

Forummers ,we know our past father ,mother or present mother , father have been treating us badly and generation and ideology conflict

maybe let me set up this help group and heal all emotional wounds

I am also with old stubborn unreasonable parents..

we meet and dedicate our practice to help them and lesser conflict at home

Weychin SG

Happy Lunar Year to you, bohiruci! Happy and Blissful year ahead!

Often conflicts ensue within family due to less inhibitions towards each others. Both sides often take each other for granted.

Let me relate to you of someone I knew of during my NS days. There this guy called storeman Foo(may you be born into a higher realm),he is also smiling and eager to joke around. He was never without his smile and jovial attitude, and always get away with a lot things. Anyway, one day while in the Encik's office, I think the CSM was angry with storeman Foo and wanted to punish Foo. But however he tried, he could never raise the temperature inside the room for him to be angry enough to mete out punishment. Storeman disarmed his anger by never allowing to caught in the tension and as such he was let off with a verbal remand, even the CSM can't help but try to hide his smile.

Hopefully, one can adopt a giving and jovial attitude when dealing with parents.

Hope you may meet with people whom you can develop a constant mindfulness and a loving kindness towards them. Communicate with them only when both parties are not angry.

Mr Milo SG

Mods, why not set a forum for Parents in Agony?

it shall be called Parents Agony

Dawnfirstlight SG

I have a friend whose parents are gamblers. He asked me for advise whether he should give them monthly allowance because he knows they will use the money for gambling.

As a Buddhist, I do not know what to advise. I can't tell him no because they are his parents so I told him I also don't know. I am very lucky that I don't have such parents.

Mr Milo SG

I have a friend whose parents are gamblers. He asked me for advise whether he should give them monthly allowance because he knows they will use the money for gambling.

As a Buddhist, I do not know what to advise. I can't tell him no because they are his parents so I told him I also don't know. I am very lucky that I don't have such parents.

can give allowance, but only enough for meals, transport, that's all

Weychin SG

I have a friend whose parents are gamblers. He asked me for advise whether he should give them monthly allowance because he knows they will use the money for gambling.

As a Buddhist, I do not know what to advise. I can't tell him no because they are his parents so I told him I also don't know. I am very lucky that I don't have such parents.

Divide the allowance to pocket money into which they may pursue their indulgence, and the other as daily needs expense should they may be unable to manage their expenses. If possible, ask in a friendly manner as to how they are coping and manage their spending during the allocation of expenses.

Mr Milo SG

I have a friend whose parents are gamblers. He asked me for advise whether he should give them monthly allowance because he knows they will use the money for gambling.

As a Buddhist, I do not know what to advise. I can't tell him no because they are his parents so I told him I also don't know. I am very lucky that I don't have such parents.

this is problem gambling.....Dawn, you need some help

call the hotlines ba

Dawnfirstlight SG

this is problem gambling.....Dawn, you need some help

call the hotlines ba

Not my parents, is my friend's parents.

Mr Milo SG

Not my parents, is my friend's parents.

o.0

in that case, ur friend needs help

give ur friend some support ba

Dawnfirstlight SG

I understand from him that his parents can forgo the meals, eat instant noodles instead and spend the money on mahjong and horses. He even thought of sever ties with them which I told him not to, afterall his parents are the ones who brought him up. He is also worried by doing so he is committing sins because he is also a Buddhist who had taken the refuges.

He is doing well in life but the rate his parents are going will get him into trouble because his parents also loaned from loan sharks.

Mr Milo SG

He is doing well in life but the rate his parents are going will get him into trouble because his parents also loaned from loan sharks.

Dawn, get ur friend to call for help b4 things get uglier and go to a point of no return

does he want to see his home splashed with paint or being harassed by those loan sharks?

Weychin SG

He is doing well in life but the rate his parents are going will get him into trouble because his parents also loaned from loan sharks.

He has to be firm without resorting to being overly confrontational.

Ask your friend to call the hotline as suggested by Mr Milo, do not involved the parents until a clearer idea on how to deal with the addiction can reached. Usually , to borrow from them loanshark need a guarantor. If debt is affordable, settle it and inform the loansharks and guarantor not to offer anymore loans otherwise the authorities will be invoked!

Dawnfirstlight SG

He is not staying with his parents and is shifting house soon. He thought of not informing his parents his new address. I told him as a Buddhist, it does not seem right to do so. Do you guys think is appropriate ?

The problem surfaced after his father retired, no longer has the means to support his gambling habits. His CPF and money from selling his house have been used up recently. I don't think he wants to call the hotline because he said he does not feel like talking about his parents anymore. He said the only way is to sever ties with them.

Rooney9 SG

why dun get him to talk to his elder relatives, some folks who are older and elder than his parents, to talk to them about this issue.

Rooney9 SG

why not persuade his father to check in IMH to seek a treatment for his gambling addiction.

Rooney9 SG

some people have some vice in their lives, some can be gambling, drinking, womanising, drugs, smoking, sex, eating etc etc. I read that the brain plays a part in the addiction.

Mr Milo SG

mmmm........ur friend should not sever ties with them nor shall he let them rot

he really needs help for his parents.........b4 he regrets....that regret mihgt haunt him forever

Weychin SG

If that is so he would'nt feeling guilty. He is his father, therefore part of his problem.As long as he solve it with to the best of his ability.

Addiction usually has an underlying problem.

Dawnfirstlight SG

Yeah, may be I can tell him to try talking to his elder relatives. He told me his father gambled since young but his luck was good when he was younger. His father always told him that he gambled to bring him up.

I will try telling him that, see whether his father wants to seek treatment but I doubt so because old folks always do not want to admit they have problems.

Rooney9 SG

if not get help from social workers. or get his father banned from entering the casino.