By Roshi
http://roshi1.blogspot.com
My life without me
By
Roshi
Oktober 2008
Stop looking for what you want, in THIS moment. Not tomorrow when
you have it.
But in this moment. Whatever that is what you want. Stop Looking
and....You will find more then you would ever want.
Because more then could be wanted...is already who you are.
It’s too simple to be grasped. But absolutely, complete
realizably.
Gangaij
What I am trying to write about is too simple for the words and
whatever is said or written is not the described. It’s only
pointing to a direction. Is anything wrong or misleading, then it’s
my fault, or if you want the “character” over here is not clear
enough. May be it’s not necessary to write this book because there
is already lot of books written on the topic, pointing to the same
direction, and the core message is not something new. Anyway,
writing is happening and I hope that you have some use or
entertainment through the reading. Here we go…
What is here, when I stop trying to get anything?
Try the “question”, make the investigation, what is already
here?
Am I willing to trust that?
The situation, what’s happening…
The body is moving in the space, doing things but the doer is never
seen. Memories fading away, hardly remember what REALY took place
for an hour a go. Objects are constantly moving through this space,
vastness. There is lot of room between the things. The only “me”
that can be recognized is the vastness between the objects. There
is also a great intimacy with the vastness, it’s friendly. There is
also a understanding that the emptiness can be very threatening to
the appearance of the “me”.
Consciousness is. You cannot do anything with it. You cannot get it
or you cannot get rid of it either. No-one can claim it, and no-one
cannot own it. Everything else is second, consciousness comes
first.
When reasoning and thinking starts creating problems out of
nowhere. Then we try to solve the problem with more of the same,
thinking. No way out. How to stop the vicious circle? Is there any
alternatives? Can you “do” no thinking? Absurd.
Maybe the medicine is to see the whole thing, not something you do,
rather recognize or notice the futility of the whole game. Then the
release, maybe…. Who knows?
The thought wonder if the thought exists. How real is the thought
itself? Can the thought see thought?
When there is a mind there is belief.
The relief of the “me” from itself.
-The struggling is my life.
-Until now.
-On the way, somewhere the struggler disappeared, but…
-Now the struggling goes on but without the struggler.
-Sounds odd…?
-For me too.
-How hard I try I cannot find the “struggler”, that’s a fact. There
is a remembrance of that.
-There is “hearing, “seeing”, “feeling”. There is also images and
thoughts coming and going and great aliveness, but for whom?
-It’s moor and moor clear that the “me” cannot be found
anywhere.
-----------------------
The thought is there for no-one. The doer is absent.
-----------------------
Just this.
ordinariness, and the utter simplicity of the obvious.
And the appearance of the so called "mind".
This illusory appearance we named "mind".
So fragile…
It’s amazing, the clarity comes and goes. It can be
frustrating..
I am also little angry about all these talks about “becoming”,
spiritual developing, or evolution to something great state in the
future. There is a feeling being cheated. Anyway, that’s
also…
This
Silence feels more true to what “is”, but the writing and talking
happens sometimes, and it’s great to.
---------------------
At the moment…
My sheep’s walking in the sun on the fields chewing grass. The
autumwind blows the leafs from the ground. The heartbeat. Waiting
happens.
----------------------
Yesterday I saw a group of small birds flying through the air. And
suddenly I realized that it was a group of small, small awareness
that was flying in the sky. Not birds, awareness, but many.
---------------------
And.....there is a sense of that what I call a "mind" cannot DO
anything...really.....n o t h i n g. And the mind, the self, steps
in and takes credit for everything that’s going on. Who is there in
the first place?
---------------------
Now follows some statements. If you find the statement or the quote
useless, move to the next one. Use them as vehicles for yourself.
The statements or whatever you want to call this writings stands
free from each other.
1. THIS is the illusion. Between the thoughts, in the stream of
thoughts, in the flow appears the “me”. In the sleep,
unconsciousness, death the “me” isn’t there. No thought, no “me”.
And now, hearing this, you can disagree or agree, it doesn’t
matter, why? It’s not about thinking. In the “seeing” the shift is
there….aha!...yes. The illusion is not that in seeing “this”
everything changes, BANG! And yet, it’s seen, and the world is not
the same, the center, the looker, the reference point was never
there in the first place.
2. Philosophy is like you are building a labyrinth by and by
without no way out. All the time you complain that it looks like a
prison and feels like one. Instead of seeing that there is
something wrong with the philosophy you continue construct and
build the labyrinth and hope that in the future the solution will
pop up, somehow.
3. The “me” comes and goes. Sometimes it is seen through, sometimes
not. It’s a good idea to demonstrate this somehow through some
exercises. No words can capture it, concept’s is not the described
but some exercise can give a hint. It’s so obvious an ordinary and
you miss it because you are too close to it, you never lose it and
you can never get it because you are it, it’s your essence. Anyway,
the exercise….
1. Take an object, anything, the teacup on the table. Where do you
experience that teacup?
……………………………think about it a while, take time, no rush.
On the table, you may answer.
Well, I would say; “You experience it in your awareness. Stimuli
come from the teacup and pass through your eyes and are recorded in
your awareness.”
Next.
Now, answer this question:
How far is your awareness from the teacup?
Take time……………………….
Next Question:
Is there a gap between your awareness and the teacup appearing in
it?
……………………..
The awareness takes the form of the teacup. Now let me ask you one
more question:
How far is your awareness from the teacup?
……………..? or…………………aha, I see!
Here no-one can help you, you get it or not. The knack, if there is
the knack, put down the book and bee there. THIS is what this book
is about, no more reading is necessary. This is where this writing
is pointing to.
2. Answer this question for yourself, do the best, go deep into
it:
Do you know what’s going to be your next thought?
3. Question: Who is first, the awareness or the sense of
self?
4. Look at what is in this moment.
What do you register?
What is there? Thoughts, movements, smells, tastes, or what?
If I say; “this is it”. Look now what’s happen within your
“mind”.
It says; “no, it can’t be! It’s not enough. I want something else.
Something is wrong. Not here.”
See through it, it’s false. Not truth. Its’ there, mind is there
telling you. That’s the trick of the mind.
5. Look at the teacup for a while. And then shift to another object
far away from the teacup. Take the clock on the wall.
Simultaneously when you are looking at the watch, try to remember
the teacup at same time. The clock is there, the teacup is there,
the clock is real, it’s “now”, the teacup is memory but it’s
somehow also there.
Is the memory happening without you doing it?
Can you see if there is a border between the clock and the memory
of the teacup?
The memory of the teacup is coming and going. Now, in our habit of
remember, more right our ability to remember and thinking takes us
far away from the “now”. The “now” is never gone, it’s there. But
“now” is always valued as second, most of our time we live in
memories and thought of past and future. We forget that memories
and thinking is fantasies. To remember and thinking is very, very
important functions for dealing with the practical, daily life, but
a disaster if it takes over and interprets the reality. In the
thinking and memorizing appears a strong sense of a separate person
we name “me”. When the shift from the dreamlike “me” to the “now”
happens we call for awakening. From the now points of view, the
“me” is seen for what it is. A fantasy, a dream, it is there but
now it is function as it should do. Now the “now” is on charge. The
sense of “me” is also there and seen for what it is. The object
“me” was never there in the beginning, in the first place. The “me”
is a fantasy a thought. Now, ask yourself:
How real is the “me”?
And, still………..
Everything is there, the world did not disappear. THIS cannot be
understood. Everything exists simultaneously with the vast
nothingness, the thinking ends here. THIS is beyond words and
beyond descriptions. Let it be for what it IS.
4. The thinking mind wants to find answers to questions. When
you're trying to find out which bus to take or how to build a
house, this ability to find answers is a useful function. But the
thinking mind doesn't know when to stop thinking or when thinking
is useful and when it isn't. And so, as we grow up, we live more
and more in a conceptual world trying to think our way to
happiness. We lose touch with the immediacy and wonder we had as
children.
5. If there is recognition that everything is just appearance in
awareness, then what matters? If everything is just a story going
on with no beginning and no end, and the realness taken away from
it, where is the juice of it all? The seriousness of the drama is
gone but the drama is still there, for no-one. If the realness from
the story falls away, then….then what? What’s next?….maybe a cup of
coffee?. The ordinary is the extraordinary.
6. The naked honesty about who we “are”, nowhere to go,
disappearance of “doer ship”. That in me, that is bigger than
me.
7. If the mind hear about “no-mind” stuff, it’s very hard to
remember what was said. The difficulty lies in the subject. The
subject is not for the mind. Mind is used to grasp, to understand,
used to handle objects, reasoning.
8. Something is missing, or lost. Most of us have the feeling that
this is not enough. Not here, somewhere else. The small, small
sense of that somewhere is going on ore happening something that is
better than this. The search is there, something better, anything
but not this.
9. The minds job is to calculate about risks, resonate, seeing
patterns, mind keeps an eye on the calendar and keeps things
running in the practical life. Its job also is to compare and
trying to understand its environment. Sometimes it works and
sometimes it doesn’t. It’s a natural function to survive as an
organism. But….the thinking mind doesn't know when to stop thinking
or when thinking is useful and when it isn't. It’s nearly
mechanical. It runs by itself. Seeing this mechanism or function
called Mind for what it is, is of crucial importance. Remember, the
so called Mind is not the enemy, even if it can look that
way.
10. What we are experiencing and that what we have in front of our
eyes, there is no possibility to know what it is. It’s an
appearance for no-one. Because there is also no way to know who or
what in essence this is happening to.
11. Help! this is not fun at all, I am losing my mind. Or, can I
lose something that I never had in the first place? Wherever I look
I cannot find a “me”, the self have never been there…but the
feeling…a sense…Amazing how it can be.
12. The play goes on but now there is an actor acting, and the play
happens for no-one.
13. Mind turns everything, even the impossible, to a thing. And
then there is the confusion, simultaneously the problem arises from
nowhere.
14. Everything happens simultaneously, you cannot separate seeing,
thought, perception, language, appearance, opinion, feeling,
standpoint, reasoning. The illusion starts with the division. The
obvious seems quite clear, but is not. All this is a simultaneous
flow in the present. An effortless movement from one “now” to the
next one, the stop is never there, occurring. Never ending opening,
the whole is more and more clear, clarity is there. The unknown is
unveiled, the vastness of existence stirs on your face.
15. The living emptiness. Nothing ever happens in consciousness.
This open, living nothingness shines through your senses and makes
the whole entire world appear in front of you. This vast
nothingness is alive and keeps the flowering going on in flowers,
animals and every human being. The phenomenal world, time, space,
and everything else in the objective world, is an ongoing, ever
changing dream the open nothingness makes real through the five
senses. One part of the illusion is that we are on our way
somewhere, the open, living nothingness own play with itself.
16. Concerning me, and concerning the self, nothing should be done.
Things are happening by them self. We are happening. The whole
existence is a big event. Not that someone is doing it.
17. Happiness is to know thy self. To find a rest in your being.
Meet the anguish, restlessness without hesitation. In the beginning
it is quite unpleasant and odd to consciously totally feel what’s
happening, what’s there? Precisely there in the middle of the
restlessness you should find the rest.
The negative in the world must find it’s place. It’s there, and it
demands to be accepted. Only way is to face it and let it be. Don’t
respond to what appears. It’s not choosing not to do or do
something. In the waiting and witnessing it start to fade away,
it’s not so heavy anymore but it’s there. When you begin to be
familiar what’s going on stillness arises from nowhere. You are not
doing it. This stillness can be a possession.
18. The life has turned to be a twilightzon where nothing is what
you expected to be.
19. Life is an experience, not a problem
20. The content in the meaning of life is without the beginning and
without the end.
21. How can you know that in waiting, waiting is what you do?
22. You got to have an opinion about the world to be able to be a
part of it.
23. If we are continuously in a constant change in a constant move,
how can we say that there ever can be a me that never
changes?
24. If you already have the knowledge, then you don’t need to
search for it. On the other hand if you don’t have it, then you
cannot search for it either, because how do you know what to search
for? Now, if you on some reason stumble over the new knowledge
quite shore you will not notice or recognize it, because you didn’t
know what to look for.
25. What is there to believe of? Everything is already here. Life
doesn’t need the belief to exist. It’s enough for itself. It’s
complete in itself. Or complete in its incompleteness. Perfect in
its search of itself. The life is aware of itself through us. Our
awareness mirrors life for its own existence.
26. Instead of thinking about the liberation, live it through the
senses.
Instead of thinking about the children, experience the presence of
the kids, and live with them.
Instead of thinking about the heaven, live there in this
“now”.
Instead of thinking about the “now”, live there.
How is it possible to be somewhere there we are not? Well, in the
thought.
That, what we are looking for is just there waiting for us.
It maybe just needs to be invited.
27. Nothing new cannot enter into my life; if I don’t, in the
depths of my heart, cannot appreciate what I already have or
already got in life. That’s why the play of affirmations doesn’t
help, or a positive approach to life, or a visualization of a
better life, if there is no gratefulness of what you already
have.
28. I am the Place for an occurrence.
29. In the search the “me” spend a huge amount of time and energy
in…
-Figuring out If the “me” is making progress or standing
still.
-Trying to work out whether we are stuck or mobile.
-We oscillate between trying harder and giving up.
-Whether to seek help, or go it alone.
-If we are confused or clear.
-Determine whether our experiences are meaningful or
meaningless
-Real or unreal.
30. A god analogy about how it looks like when two persons meet. It
seems that it’s two separate entities communicating and talking and
sharing the room. But, maybe it’s more like two flash-lights in a
dark room with the lights on, and in communication the lights
overlaps each other. Awareness overlapping the other awareness. In
communication it seems that we are not separate from one another.
If we were separate, how can then communication be possible?
31. Philosophy is like you are building a labyrinth by and by
without no way out. All the time you complain that it looks like a
prison and feels like one. Instead of seeing that there is
something wrong with the philosophy you continue construct and
build the labyrinth and hope that in the future the solution will
pop up, somehow.
32. Language divides things and makes everything more and more
complicated. Language is needed in the daily life and in
communication with others, it has its limits and easily it can
become a burden and make the inner life a mess. Beware of when the
mess enters.
33. We are walking “vastness” on our way to nowhere. The vastness
never moved.
34. We have a natural functioning of the mind as, reasoning,
looking for patterns (even if there is no-one.), putting words for
everything, labeling, conceptualizing. That has an impact on us,
but we are unaware of it. 35. When the recognizing of what is going
on happens, when the attention is on it, it starting to loosening,
the impact has not the same effect. The thinking is just a
functioning and has no power of itself. Thinking is not life, it is
part of life. Comes and goes like clouds in the evening sky. The
magic key; is put attention on it. 36. With a talk or dialogue or
conversation about the subject, a process start to function in the
background, awareness is awakening to itself, what’s going on is
revealed. The false cannot stand an investigation. From now on
there is no denial of the fact. It’s the Point of no return. You
cannot undo awareness.
37. I have very god sense of the “me”, it tells me that I am better
or more superior then others, not much, just a millimeter, not
much. Everyone else is god and perfect, I am just one millimeter
superior then the other…….it is just an opinion or a subtle feeling
whispering in the background, there is a awareness about that this
days. Nothing, I say nothing says that I am superior to others,
nothing. The superiority is a falseness played by myself, but it’s
seen through. It’s there but something in me is aware about it,
it’s not hiding anymore.
….not much, just one millimeter….ha ha….I got you
38. Just this.
Ordinariness, and the utter simplicity of the obvious.
And the appearance of the so called "mind".
This illusory appearance we named "mind".
So fragile…
It’s amazing, the clarity comes and goes. It can be
frustrating.
I am also little angry about all these talks about “becoming”,
spiritual developing, or evolution to something great state in the
future. There is a feeling being cheated. Anyway, that’s
also…
This
Silence feels more true to what “is”, but the writing and talking
happens sometimes, and it’s great to.
At the moment…
Looking through the window, seeing…
The sheep’s walking in the sun on the fields chewing grass.
No hurry…..no hurry.
39.Life….so precious
Delicate and fragile.
Unending opening, never started, never stopped.
40. The naked honesty about who we are, nowhere to go,
disappearance of “doer ship”. That in me that is bigger than
me.
41. Life has no reason, there is no one hiding somewhere
controlling what’s going on. This is nearly impossible to accept or
take for the separate person or mind. It cannot be, it cannot
be!!
42. Why do we always miss “this”. Maybe because it’s to close, to
ordinary, to simple, and you cannot do anything with it, no one can
claim it, no one can lose it, or get it.
43. The ultimate object. The ultimate object of art is life itself.
Why create something which is already there. Life is an ongoing
beautiful vernissage without an end.
44. On the outskirts of heaven…seems all the “me’s” appear.
45. Those people who are empty of the meaning of life search for
it. Those who are filled with meaning do not know of it, they live
it.
46. The shift from identifying with the objects of the world to
realize that the vastness between the objects is also part of the
one who identifies.
47. The body-mind is a reflection from consciousness.
Awakening is a discontinuity, poff! In the spiritual experience you
are not changed, someone is having an experience. In a awakening
you are changed.
Nukunu
The "Way" is always wherever you are.
Quotes that hit me hard:
1. Start with the fact that you are that. Nisargadatta
2. You are already that which you are looking for.
3. To know who we are, we don’t need to be “figured out”.
We just need to be exposed!
4. The problem is not the content of the mind! The problem is that
you believe that “you” are responsible, that there is a “me” that
can change the mind.
5. The personal doer is an illusion.
6. We are left alone with everything.
7. For the seeker the battle is already lost, there is no way
out.
8. Forgetting yourself into the now moment.
9. Enlightenment is realizing that I am not the doer.
10. To know who we are, we don’t need to be “figured out”.
We just need to be exposed!
11. Jumping into the void.
12. When you as a separate person fall away, what is, and is always
happening, is always enough. Jeff
13. The living emptiness is ungraspable, it has no position, no
localization, no form and is totally incomprehensible.
14. Everything is spontaneously arising in this moment out of
nowhere.
15. This moment is showing you ‘This’ always.
16. In ourselves the “me” appears for no-one, there is no
“doer”.
17. It is a complete and absolute change, a revolution in the basic
poise; the movement is like turning a ball inside out
18. The me cannot know higher time, space or knowledge because the
me is the absence embodied from that kind of understanding.
Tulku
19. Reality is created through our beliefs.
20. It is such a pure simplicity that even this feels like saying
too much.
21. The tracks of imagination is not printed in time. Nukunu
22. To live life as an "open hand" instead of a "fist".
23. It is the feeling of being a stranger to life
24. What is and ”my” opinion of what is.
25. Who is first, the awareness or the sense of self?
26. If the awareness is “a priori”, then what about the
“self”?.
27. Dissolve into the seeing
28. Who shouted “me!” from my mouth?
29. How far away are you from yourself?
30. When YOU are no more, Then you are.
31. Nobody can ever teach you being you
32. YOU are not a thought, not a concept, not a feeling, not a time
bound entity. You are Awakeness, Aliveness, Presence-Awareness.
Just THAT and NOTHING else. The story of “me” … ANY “me” … is
irrelevant. Let's cut through that crap right now! Okay?
As I said in the beginning are this all just words and concepts,
but…
Something is calling from the beyond…
Knack, knack…
The End