Why Do Buddhists Avoid Attachment?
"Attachment" May Not Mean What You Think It Means
By Barbara O'Brien,
You may have heard that Buddhists are supposed to be free of
attachments. That sounds a bit grim. Does that mean we Buddhists
have to abandon our friends and loved ones?
Thankfully, no, it doesn't. In Buddhism, "attachment" doesn't mean
what you might think it means.
What Is Attachment?
In order for there to be attachment, you need two things -- the
attacher, and the thing to which the attacher is attached. In other
words, "attachment" requires self-reference, and it requires seeing
the object of attachment as separate from oneself.
The Buddha taught that seeing oneself and everything else this way
is a delusion. Further, it is a delusion that is the deepest cause
of our unhappiness. It is because we mistakenly see ourselves as
separate from everything else that we "attach."
Zen teacher John Daido Loori said,
"[A]ccording to the Buddhist point of view, nonattachment is
exactly the opposite of separation. You need two things in order to
have attachment: the thing you’re attaching to, and the person
who’s attaching. In nonattachment, on the other hand, there’s
unity. There’s unity because there’s nothing to attach to. If you
have unified with the whole universe, there’s nothing outside of
you, so the notion of attachment becomes absurd. Who will attach to
what?"
Because we think we have intrinsic existence within our skin, and
what's outside our skin is "everything else," that we go through
life grabbing for one thing after another to make us feel safe, or
to make us happy.
The Pursuit of Happiness
Because people don't take the time to understand Buddhism before
they form opinions about it, much criticism of Buddhism misses the
point. For example, in an interview, "positive" psychologist
Jonathan Haidt claimed the Buddha taught that happiness requires
disassociation from things in the external world. And Haidt
disagrees with this: "Some things are worth striving for, and
happiness comes in part from outside of yourself, if you know where
to look.”
We "pursue" happiness because we think it comes outside of
ourselves. But it's also because we think things are outside of
ourselves that we are stressed about them and worry about them.
Whatever can be found can also be lost.
There's nothing wrong with striving to accomplish something, or
making friends, or loving your spouse and children. The Buddha
himself, after all, spent his life after his enlightenment
associating with people, and teaching them. Non-attachment does not
require extreme asceticism or shunning human contact.
Non-attachment comes from the wisdom that nothing is truly
separate.
Yes, some Buddhists enter monastic life to concentrate on Buddhist
practice without distraction. But monastics do not isolate
themselves from human contact. The sangha itself is a human society
in which people support each others' practice.
The Four Noble Truths
Understanding the Buddha's teachings about attachment begins
with the Four Noble Truths. Very briefly, life is stressful
(dukkha) and the cause of this stress is craving, or thirst.
The Buddha taught that this craving grows from ignorance of the
self. Because we see ourselves as something separate from
everything else, we go through life grabbing one thing after
another to ease our stress. We attach not only to physical things,
but also to ideas and opinions about ourselves and the world around
us. But physical things can be lost, and we get frustrated when the
world doesn't conform to our ideas and opinions.
There is a way to get off the hamster wheel of chasing happiness.
By practicing the Eightfold Path, we can realize the true nature of
self-and-other, and put an end to craving. The Buddha also taught
us that this realization releases our fears of death and enables
deep compassion and loving kindness for others.
"Realize" is an important word. In Buddhism, just believing in some
doctrine of no-separation is pointless. To become transformative,
the truth of the Buddha's teachings must be intimately experienced
and realized for oneself. For this reason, Buddhism is more of a
discipline than it is a belief system.
Pleasure and Pain
The Buddha said, "When the thirty six pleasure-bound streams of
craving are strong in a man, then numerous desire-based thoughts
pull the deluded man along." People go through life running toward
what they desire and away from what they dislike.
In other words, we're being jerked around by attraction and
aversion.
Most of the time, we don't see little personal freedom we really
have. Our culture tells us that it's good to acquire things like
material possession and fame, so there's nothing wrong with
desiring and pursuing them. We don't see how much of our lives are
eaten up in a vain pursuit of things we think will make us happy.
And when we acquire those things, we don't stay happy for long
before we start chasing something else.
And how much of our lives are eaten up with anxiety over the things
we think we have to have to make us happy? Worrying about something
you've lost is attachment. Disappointment is attachment. What we
think will make us happy can also make us miserable.
No Separation
Seeing through the delusion of separation means we no longer give
"external things" the power to make us miserable. The ideal is
equanimity, free from the compulsion to chase what we want and run
from what we don't want.
Realizing non-attachment is not easy. It's not a matter of going to
a weekend retreat and being released from anxiety the rest of your
life. Buddhism is a life practice, not a quick fix. Ironically,
it's a practice that requires giving up ideas about goals and
rewards, or escaping to a better place.
Buddhism teaches that the better place is right here, and the
reward is already yours. Realizing this is non-attachment