More by John Astin:
by John
July 22nd, 2009
One hears among people involved with different awareness
teachings and practices, the oftentimes frustrating and painful
story of having recognized the presence of awareness and then
feeling like that recognition has somehow slipped away. There then
begins the search to get that recognition back, to have the sense
of awareness being more stable, more enduring, more abiding. This
can become one of the most painful searches in life, in large part
because the recognition of oneself as awareness is such a
liberating, and deeply satisfying experience. It is the true coming
home. And we know it. We’ve glimpsed the heaven we always longed
for, the peace, the relief, we always craved. And now it is
(apparently) gone. So the pain of that, the pain of leaving heaven
can be quite intense.
One answer we hear to such questions is that awareness is always
present, otherwise there could be no perceptions. We are invited to
examine our own experience and see if awareness isn’t always right
here as the basis of each and every experience, each and every
perceptual appearance. This is a powerful and very true pointer, to
see that no matter what the perceptual objects are that appear in
the sky of awareness, awareness is present to them all, to see that
whether clear or stormy weather is arising, the sky remains the
sky.
But true as this is, what frequently happens is that when
particularly disturbing states appear, it seems as if the peace of
this ever-present awareness is difficult to access, that it is
somehow far, far away, if present at all. And so, one then
(understandably) seeks to return to it, find once again, the
presence of awareness. But in this whole process, awareness is
really being applied as a kind of antidote to suffering. That is,
should some disturbing or painful state appear, one attempts to
return to awareness, notice that it never left, feel the peace of
it, the freedom of it, the ease of it. I’m sure you know the drill.
While it brings some relief, at a certain point, the sense of back
and forth becomes quite tiresome, frustrating and painful.
But there is another way, another way to have one’s recognition
of awareness grow more stable, more enduring, more abiding. And
that is, to simply recognize that every perception,
whether described as desirable or undesirable, pleasurable or
painful, IS none other than awareness. Awareness is not
some thing watching some other thing, not a “subject” observing
happy or sad, peaceful or disturbing “objects.” Perceptions are
ultimately inseparable from awareness. Awareness doesn’t simply
watch or witness what appears to it. The sky doesn’t merely watch
the clouds passing by. The sky pervades the clouds. Awareness
permeates experience, it saturates perception. It IS perception.
That which perceives is inseparable from what it perceives. They
are not two.
There is not disturbance or discomfort on the one hand and the
ever-present peace of awareness on the other. Awareness is
inseparable from disturbing mind states. If you want to know what
awareness, it is quite simple. It is whatever is being perceived,
just now. That makes it rather simple, doesn’t it? And as this
begins to dawn in our direct experience, we see that the stability
of awareness is to be found by recognizing it is present in and as
each perception. Then, there is indeed, no possibility of ever
losing it. Awareness appears as the perception we call “recognizing
awareness”. And it appears as the perception we call
“non-recognition.”
Awareness is the seamless flow of perception for really there
are not any discrete perceptions. There is no perceivable boundary
line between one perception and the next, even though our
descriptions of phenomena would suggest otherwise. There is just a
seamless, uninterrupted flow of perception, the river of
ever-present awareness, impossible to stop, impossible to locate,
impossible to contain, impossible to describe, and impossible to be
apart from for “we” are simply another perception, the river of
awareness flowing as us.