Buddha's teachings: Curbing sexual desire

Herzog_Zwei SG

I think it is quite pointless, since the purpose is to gain wisdom... and is dangerous as well.

You are asking for something absolute mah....

annoy-you-must SG

It is of my personal opinion that the society is kinda too caught up with the idea or topic on 'sex', be it opposing the idea of sexual stimulation or being pro the idea.

there's a lot of other kind of excessiveness present in our society - there exist people who eats too much, who watch too much movies, etc. sex is just one of such excessiveness.

as for me, i don't believe that there is a need for layperson to stop their sexual activity or stimulation. all things when done in excess are harmful. while it's true that sexual stimulation leads to no long-term benefits, as long as it does not harm anyone or oneself, I see no bad in it.

An Eternal Now SG

It is of my personal opinion that the society is kinda too caught up with the idea or topic on 'sex', be it opposing the idea of sexual stimulation or being pro the idea.

there's a lot of other kind of excessiveness present in our society - there exist people who eats too much, who watch too much movies, etc. sex is just one of such excessiveness.

In the context of lay people, what you said is ok.

For lay persons what we must observe is the 5 precepts, and for the 5 precepts we should never think in terms of "excessiveness" -- i.e. as long as I do not kill excessively, as long as I don't steal excessively, or don't lie excessively, it's fine. Or to have just a little bit of sexual misconduct... It is NOT fine.. so when we talk about 5 precepts, NO means NO. It is not a question of 'excessiveness'. Even to drink the point of intoxication is not right for a layperson who upholds 5 precepts -- you shouldn't reason yourself as being a "once in a long time occasion".

But when we talk about things like sex between two faithful partners, then it is a question of 'is it too much' and what is healthy.

Of course it is an eventuality that a practitioner can overcome the desire for sexual experience, but we should not emphasize sexual abstainance as a requirement especially for lay persons and those who have just begun to practice. Buddha never made it a requirement for lay persons, so we shouldn't. I do not see having a healthy sexual relation as being a major impediment to one's practice, unless one is obsessed about it.

Spnw07 SG

In the context of lay people, what you said is ok.

But when we talk about things like sex between two faithful partners, then it is a question of 'is it too much' and what is healthy.

Just to clarify, I am not trying to emphasise sexual abstience as a requirement for understanding or practising Buddhism in this post. I am trying to reason out what will ultimately be the most beneficial thing to do after having understood clearly and completely the pro and cons of sexual desire from both a personal/secular and Buddhist point of view.

The Shurangama sutra (楞严经) cautions us that sexual desire is the main karmic force that drives each being into samsaric deaths and births, be it whether it is healthy relationship or a personal obsession.

At first I didn't see, understand or agree with the need for sexual abstinence mentioned in th above sutra as I'm a layman Buddhist. Ii was when I came to understand more about my own sexual desires and continue to read or hear about how sexual desire in humans expressed in mass media affects all of us, in many important aspects of our lives.

Sexual dissatisfaction in a healthy man and wife relationship will lead to indifference at first, later affairs or worse divorce. (I have seen real-life examples from relatives, so I'm not trying to conjure anything from imagination or discussing for the fun of it)

Sexual dissatisfaction in casual sex partners will lead to each separating to search for more satisfying sex from other new faces.

This cycle will go on and on and will not stop, until their physical bodies can no longer function sexually.

So it is up to the individual Buddhist brother/sister to decide, if they are still single and have no girlfriends/boyfriends, and/or are pondering about whether to find a girlfriend, like me.

Well, unless you can tell me you can enter into a marriage without any sex at all (i strictly refer to normal kind of reproductive sex) throughout your entire life, then congrats! I see no problems at all. Actually I wish I can achieve that too. But I realise I still can't...haiz.

I apologise to anyone if my tone come across as imposing or over-bearing. I just want to share my experience with those Buddhist brothers or sisters who are at the moment, hesitating on starting a relationship.

For non-Buddhists, you are definitely free to have a normal man and wife relationship. For layman Buddhists, it is up to you to decide what you want, preferably after reading through the scriptures and the Shurangama sutra.

An Eternal Now SG

Sexual dissatisfaction in casual sex partners will lead to each separating to search for more satisfying sex from other new faces.

This cycle will go on and on and will not stop, until their physical bodies can no longer function sexually.

So it is up to the individual Buddhist brother/sister to decide, if they are still single and have no girlfriends/boyfriends, and/or are pondering about whether to find a girlfriend, like me.

Although sexual desire, and in fact more fundamentally dualistic attraction and aversion is behind samsaric birth and seeking, in my opinion it is not solved by mere sexual abstainance.

It is a matter of developing wisdom and insight such that the fundamental root cause of ignorance is dissolved.

In the meanwhile, I do not see (healthy) sexual activities as being any major obstacle to practice, as long as one doesn't do it excessively or becomes obsessed.

Of course if you find sexual lust as a distraction in your practice then maybe taking a vow of complete abstainance can be helpful, depending on circumstances. Complete sexual abstainance is good if you are willing, but not a 'must'.

If sexual lust has become so habituated that thoughts of lust arise often or even in your practice or meditation, then it is best to do contemplate on the impurities of the body and enter samadhi from there.

Spnw07 SG

Although sexual desire, and in fact more fundamentally dualistic attraction and aversion is behind samsaric birth and seeking, in my opinion it is not solved by mere sexual abstainance.

It is a matter of developing wisdom and insight such that the fundamental root cause of ignorance is dissolved.

In the meanwhile, I do not see (healthy) sexual activities as being any major obstacle to practice, as long as one doesn't do it excessively or becomes obsessed.

I agree with you that mere sexual abstinence is not a panacea nor the only thing to do for samsaric liberation and that is not the intention of my post either. Sexual abstinence has to be realised, implemented and maintained based on wisdom and insight as mentioned by you.

I have never maintained that complete sexual abstinence is a must, but is something arrived at personally, deeply from the heart, after understanding what the scriptures, mass media and various real-life experiences show about the various realities of sexual desire.

And it is not easy for anyone to establish what is considered healthy sexual activity cos there can be excessive sex between man and wife as well. Obsession with sex is not easily discovered by self cos we tend to justify ourselves too quickly that this is normal and healthy frequency of sexual activity between man and wife or with casual sex partners.

That is why it is more common to hear of people seeking help for gambling or drug addiction and sharing their struggles with the public than that of sexual addicts.

Beyond Religion SG

In my humble opinion, sex is a physiological imperative, much like our bodies' need for food. We need food to keep ourselves nourished, but if we indulge too much we will become a glutton.

I enjoy physical intimacy with my wife, the physical aspect is a very good way of expressing our love and that also compliments our emotional/ spiritual love for each other. Of course, I do not indulge too much and sit in my office whole day fantasizing about sex.

Just as the Buddha took the "middle path" and eat "right" to maintain his physical health, I believe that a 'right' dose of sex with a committed spouse (i.e. no sexual misconduct) goes a long way to maintain the wellbeing of our mind and body, at least for us lay practitioners....

Spnw07 SG

In my humble opinion, sex is a physiological imperative, much like our bodies' need for food. We need food to keep ourselves nourished, but if we indulge too much we will become a glutton.

The problem is what is the 'right' dose. The thing is unlike food, not having sex with your wife will not lead to illness, death or divorce unless you or she wants it to be an issue.

« Previous Page