I asked myself many times after that Refuge taking ceremony. Am
I ready to be a Buddhist in mind and body? I don't really know, cos
it was done due to my grandfather, who was bed-ridden for 2 years
and had asked to be formally recognised as Buddhist. I just
followed my mother, my grandmother and my aunt in taking refuge in
the triple gems. Well, part of me wanted to be a Buddhist of
course, but there is still something that tells me I'm not
ready...I still don't know what it is after asking myself in my
head many times.
Okay, maybe there are some reasons which I THINK might
contribute to me believing in Buddhism despite having studied for
ten years in a Christian school and finally becoming a Buddhist a
year ago.
I find some peace in understanding that we have many previous
lives, living in different eras. I may have been a good person at
one lifetime, hence I'm not born into a poor family or in a
war-torn country. I may have been a bad person at one life time,
hence I find myself being very, very slow in understanding many
stuff that normal people would know through 'common sense'.
I find some peace in knowing the cause of my loneliness and
helplessness in my present life. According to one karma effect
mentioned by the Buddha in one particular sutra, that people who
are lonely and helpless in their present lifetime were once people
who constantly resented against others, or regarded people's
fortunes or abilities with jealousy throughout their lives. Or they
had constantly plotted or manipulated people to achieve their own
selfish gains. Self-help books attribute this to my lack of
interpersonal skills, sincerity and patience...but only what
Buddhism has taught could satisfy my doubt on a much deeper
level.
I find peace knowing that heaven and hell is not eternal. And
that despite not believing in the concept of a Creator God or that
the Jesus's crufication will free all men from their sins, I will
not go to hell for that. It is ultimately the deeds and the true
intentions of those deeds that bring to you to heaven or hell.
There is no one to judge unless you belong to those whose good or
bad deeds are weighing upon each other in disequilibrium.
I find peace in knowing that I will one day attain perfect peace
and freedom from all suffering and doubts when I realise my own
Buddha nature. And most importantly, all living beings can be
Buddhas themselves through diligent practice of the methods and
paths taught by Buddha and will go on to help others become Buddhas
too.
Dear fellow buddhists, do you mind sharing with me what
circumstances led you to start getting interested in Buddhism and
finally take Refuge in the Triple Gems?