Some of you may be displeased with the picture I have painted of
you, and a bit indignant: "I am not a yapping dog." But you're
yapping at my present provocation, aren't you? If it's just words,
against what do you need to defend?
Every arising of the phenomenal realm is simply a conditioned
arising, a change in the weather. If you're outside taking a walk
in the woods and occasional clouds go by, you don't pay much
attention to them because they present no threat, just a small
cloud. If you are lying on the beach in the sun and that same cloud
blocks the sun, immediately you run out to bother it. "Go away,
cloud. You are taking MY sun!" The core of your work, then, is
first to watch the arisings of thought, impulse, sensation and know
your relationship to them and second, to begin to discover that you
are always resting in that space of pure awareness, of infinite
peace, to discover what pulls you out of awareness of that space.
It is your own fear which encloses you in the fog of delusion that
you have lost peace.
When there is an arising, the lawnmower going by, and there is a
momentary contraction around the lawnmower, if there is
mindfulness, you note that contraction almost immediately, as it
arises. The contraction around the hearing is not the hearing
itself. That contraction, also, does not pull you out. Now this is
a tough one. I'm going to be more specific. What really pulls you
out is fixation on the contraction. Here is the delusion. The
hearing was not "other-than," but the arising of contraction, like
or do not like, and the energy contractions therein, are judged and
experienced as "other-than." I want you to think about the
difference between contraction itself and fixation on the
contraction. I'm going to ask Barbara to make a loud noise. I want
you to watch any contraction around that noise, and then, whether
you simply note the contraction around it and let it go, or whether
there's judgment or wanting to hold on to the contraction for
defense Let's just observe. (There's a long pause, and then Barbara
gives a sudden, loud shout. And again.)
Could you feel that shift? Of course the body startled from the
surprise of hearing and there was a contraction of energy. The
energy contraction is simply a conditioned arising, just as was the
physical sensation of hearing. Fixation on any conditioned arising
pulls you out of that state of pure awareness. By "fixation" I mean
a self-identity with, a move to change, prolong or control it which
is movement of the small ego-self.
What if you see the fixation after a time, and then release it?
Then, yes, you do come back to that state of pure awareness again.
The body may still be reverberating from that contraction. There is
a distortion, a warp of sorts, in the energy field. In my book,
Path of Natural Light, I have delineated practices with which you
can work with that distortion and release it. I'm not going to
speak to that here. What I want you to begin to see is how easily
you can come back home. As soon as you catch it, whether it's a
fraction of a second or ten minutes later, as soon as you catch it
and re-open, you are home.
You are not denying the arising of fear, anger, desire or any mind
state. If those arise, then you work with them skillfully, simply
being aware that they are present until they begin to soften or
dissolve. To be aware of a mind state is not to fixate on it. It is
not to hold the anger, not to have aversion to the anger. It's
simply to be aware of it. It is not the mind state, any more than
it is the arising of any thought, that pulls you out of that state
of pure awareness. Anger is just another cloud, another arising of
conditioned mind. It is harder to make space for the anger than
simply for a thought like "planning," but it certainly can be done.
You are not denying anything in your experience but observing the
fixation around each contraction that follows the thought or
sensation. Observe how that contraction seems to have an
"other-than" quality.
On a recent, stormy day, the plane that Barbara was on flew through
an open patch and straight toward an enormous, heavy gray cloud.
Even though she knew it was just a cloud, her energy contracted
with the thought "We're going to crash!" Then, noting the fear
engendered by the thought, judgment arose. You give solidity to
what seems to push you by your fixation on it. Then you give it
permission to push you because you're fixated on staying in control
of it. As soon as there's the separation, "that against me," then
it can push you, but if there's no separation, there's no pushing
or pushed. When she noted the judgment with a spacious interest,
the whole "solid" structure collapsed!
I speak here of the kind of push of somebody angry at you at work,
the flat tire, stepping on a tack or even the smaller pushes such
as the spilled glass of milk or memory of something sad or
unpleasant. When these things are painful, there's going to be a
contraction around it. Stepping on a tack is just stepping on a
tack. Feeling pain because you stepped on a tack is just feeling
pain because you stepped on a tack. Neither the stepping on the
tack not the pain that's resultant of that pull you out of your
peacefulness. Your own defended response is what pulls you out.
When there is stepping on the tack, and resultant pain and
contraction around the pain, are clearly noted, it is just what's
going past. Yes, it's unpleasant, but there's no dwelling on it, no
fixation.
Even it angry or grasping responses do arise, and they will,
wherever you catch it, that's where you start. "Judging, judging.
Blaming, blaming," whatever is there. Notice that this contraction
has shifted to "other-than" and remind yourself, "not other-than."
Note how the thought of "other-than" arose. Remind yourself that
the dual mind is an expression of the divine mind. At first it will
seem mental, but a deeper awareness will catch on.
At that moment, you shift it back into pure awareness, and both the
thought and the contraction, in the traditional language of these
teachings, just self-liberate: Poof! Yes, there may be
reverberations of that contraction, which take longer to leave the
heavier density physical and emotional bodies. You may even be
trembling, but you're back in a place of very calm, pure awareness,
just watching that shaking with a good deal of spaciousness. You
are back to the ground of your being, just watching the show. This
is the back and forth play that I want you to watch for the
remainder of the retreat. Keep it simple, begin wherever you
are.
What I am proposing, is nothing different than mindfulness
practice. The only difference is that you become increasingly aware
of this ruby and where it lies within, that the peace you seek does
not need to come from controlling what's happening out there, and
fixating on it, but by letting it move past, and coming back again
and again to this space of divine perfection, the space of pure
awareness. Remember, you're not getting rid of that which pushed
you nor of anything. You're simply re-opening to the heart
again.
